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No bio kids bc dh had a vasectomy.

jsr's picture

Submitted by jsr on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 6:35pm

I know 90% of my bitterness toward dh and ss have to do with the fact that I have no bio kids and dh had a vasectomy while married to bm. He had it reversed so we could try but it's been totally unsuccessful.
Now I dance somewhere between bitter over never being able to have my own child but bearing the responsibility of raising ss and NEVER WANTING To have children bc I can't stand ss!!
Can ANYONE relate????

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imthewife's picture

Submitted by imthewife on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 6:40pm

Personally I cannot but my girlfriend was in the same boat.

She sought a donor through a sperm bank and had a kid with her new DH. He'd had the procedure years before after having 2 sons with his first wife and could not get it reversed.

They are very happy with their new son now.

It is an option...don't think you do not want kids...it is just the situation and I bet it is very frustrating...hang in there...you have options...

fractioned's picture

Submitted by fractioned on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 6:43pm

There's more options - have you discussed IVF? They can do it with his sperm even if he's "shooting blanks."

jsr's picture

Submitted by jsr on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 6:57pm

We have talked Ivf but not seriously. I think in his mind he's "done enough". He's never said it, but that's what it feels like . I've also suggested a donor. He's totally against the donor. has said he would never want his wife pregnant w someone else's baby. (although I take care of his skid everyday )
I have started questioning my ability to love a child bc I just can't stand the little prince or how dh treats hi
Like the golden child! I would never want my child to feel inferior to his/her HALF brother
Bc the skid is treated like royalty. :/

Hindsightis2020's picture

Submitted by Hindsightis2020 on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 7:35pm

I just wanted to comment because I went through a difficult time with my DH about 5 years ago, because he had had a vasectomy while he was married to The Golden Uterus. Quite frankly, I never wanted children of my own, but the fact that DH had had a vasectomy -- and thus couldn't have children -- really got to me. The fact that my choice to have children or not was basically taken away from me by his ex, even though I hadn't wanted to have kids, was a very very difficult thing for me. It took me a while to sort through it all. So, I guess what I'm saying is, it's not surprising to me at all that it is painful to you to have this choice taken away from you. I am really sorry you have to deal with this. It's one of the difficult things about being the second wife, for better or for worse. Hugs.

jsr's picture

Submitted by jsr on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 8:56am

you guys are great.
thanks for the kind words.
the comments about simply having your choice taken away is so right on.