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Good SD61 News

JRI's picture

Everybody has heard about my dysfunctional SD61 who drives me nuts.  She's disabled and we help support her.   Well, today, she called and I got some good news.  I'm allowing for her lying, manipulation and misunderstanding but.....

SD61 says she came clean with her doctor about her confusion, driving problems and comprehension issues and he has recommended that she have some caregiver assistance.  Noway2b had told me about a program where caregivers can be hired, they can even be family members, in this case, her daughter, C.  The doctor recommended SD61 for that service and it would be a Godsend.  C would come 3 days a week for 4 hours each day to take her to doctor appointments, grocery shop, make sure she eats, etc.

SD61 also talked rationally about DH's declining ability to help her.  This was such a relief from her recent meltdowns.  I stayed on the phone with her for longer than usual, I wanted to give her more attention when she was acting rationally.

DH spoke with her later and heard about another program where she's applied for housing.  I would so love to get her off my back!  Lol.  Im trying not to get too excited, she invariably gets things wrong and indulges in wishful thinking.  But it's a Thanksgiving blessing today and I'm thankful for the illusion, if nothing else.


JRI's picture

Even if she only talked sensibly one day its good.  My standards are low.  Lol.

Rags's picture

Great news.

As for SD's kid being her payed care giver.... my family had a less than positive experience with family being a care giver.

My "Uncle's" wife (Actually my dad;'d first cousin's wife) was a licensed care giver and had cared for her own aging parents for a number of years prior to their demise. When my GM was at that stage after my granddad passed my dad worked with his cousin for the cousin and the cosin's wife to move in with my GM so she could stay in her home.  Upon my GM's passing dad would give them my GP's home/"farm".  It small 3/1.5 home on 15 acres. The wife was to care for my GM.  Nope. My GM nearly starved to death. She had multiple infarctic demenctia and pretty much had no sense of hunger. The wife would tell my GM to go make herself a meal....  My GM never did. 

My parents intervened and we moved my GM to a very nice age in place assisted living facility near us and my brother and his family.  Basically that facility was a cruise ship in a field.  GM thrived.  She put on weight, blossomed socially, and had a great time the last half dozen years of her life.

Dad shit canned the deal on the house going to his cousin.  Ultimately dad sold them the house but not give it to them.

Based on our experience, SD-61 needs to be wary of paying her own kid to care for her.  

Great nows though.  I hope it is durable and initiates resolution on the historical drama.

JRI's picture

SD61 and C have had an up-and-down relationship, like SD has with everyone.  But, C can really use the money and she's a good person with an underlying love for SD.  Neither of SD's other 2 kids have plugged in at all but she has somewhat.  I'm sure there will be a number of hiccups along the way with each irritated by the other.  But the bottom line is it starts to transfer responsibility from DH to someone else.

Worst case, SD can hire someone else.

notarelative's picture

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this works out for SD and C. Whether it holds or not, is  to b seen, but right now there is hope. 

Today was a day of surprise here too. OSD called DH and all seemed well. (
or as well as it is ever going to be for her) Last time he heard from her was in October 2021. 

JRI's picture

I treat everything she says with skepticism but now, if she backslides onto DH again, I'll say what about that caregiver program?