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Disengaging from Adult SKs

JRI's picture

I was rereading Captain Awkward's post about siblings, "Advice for Relationships You Dont Want To Lose But Dont Want To Work At" (#1182, #1183, #1184 3/4/19).   Some of her advice applies to troubled adult SK relationships.  

One excerpt that rang a bell with me:

"Adults are allowed to make choices about people that are informed by how they treat us and not everyone deserves our trust, our attention, our time, our focus, our benefit of the doubt."

She advises putting these folks on an "information diet" (minimizing info about our plans, opinions, etc).  She also says you can forgive without forgetting and you can have empathy without taking on their problems.

I think the basic message is: polite and civil boundaries.



Aniki-Moderator's picture

Exactly. Gray rock works. I always advocate treating the toxics you are unable to avoid like jerky coworkers: polite, but distant.

I've never read anything by Captain Awkward. Must check that out. Thanks!

Kes's picture

"Information diet" - I like that.  I never talk about my plans, political opinions, or anything important really, in the presence of my two adult SDs.  Even though they are 26, and 25,  I know everything goes straight back to their mother, almost certainly so they can have a good laugh about me, with her.  I have never trusted them and never will.