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To go or not to go?

Jenny79's picture

Submitted by Jenny79 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:05am

Today DH took his 2 daughters age 12 and 10 on vacation for the week... And he would like for me and my dughter to join them. I am not sure I want to, friday night a huge fight broke out, he called me by the name of his XW and blame me for all his problems. The day after we talked, told him he has anger issues, drinking issues and that he needs to make peace with his past... He promised to get help if I spend a few days with him and his, bratty, spoiled fithy little white trash daughters... Who are mean to me because I took their daddy away from them and they can no longer sleep in the big bed with him and that me and my daughter are always around. To help the situation his XW is playing all kinds if trick and doing everything she can to constantly make thing worse. AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Why, who the F do they think they are? So what they have money... A hooker dresses more elegant than they do, a cow pasture is cleaner than their panties ( that gets put in with MY wash) they eat with their fingers and lick their plate, leave and make messes where ever possible. And NO ONE (DH, grandparents, aunt, and heaven forbid their mother) says anything, they can do whatever they want. Nd when I get upset, i am the problem...because "those two little girls have problems".
Even though I have a daughter and I am separated that is not taken into consideration.

If I go see them I am screwed and If I don't go see them I am screwed. What to do? What do I do?

Comments

noway70's picture

Submitted by noway70 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:19am

Honey, I think you know what to do.
His daughters aren't parented and gross you out. He has anger issues. And he ties to manipulate you saying he will get help ONLY IF YOU TRAVEL WITH HIM AND HIS DAUGHTERS?

Are you sure you want to put your daughter through that?

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:23am

Wait, you are separated? Then why are you even bothering? You obviously have made the decision to divorce him. Either finish leaving and finalize the divorce and stop torturing your daughter and yourself or be prepared to stay and realize he won't change.

Jenny79's picture

Submitted by Jenny79 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:31am

I am not separated to him, i am waiting to be able to ask for a divorce from my first "husband" We have been living together for a year now
, but together for almost 4 years. When he doesn't have his daughters' issues to deal with in our house we have no problems Sad
They come along and make PROBLEMS

Jenny79's picture

Submitted by Jenny79 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:35am

Yah, unfortunately, we live in italy and you have to wait at least 3 years from the courts acceptance of your separation until you can ASK for a divorce, and that is if both parties and the courts are happy with the terms...

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:37am

After he gets what he wants, he is going to continue to say, "I will get help if..."

He probably doesn't think he needs help, doesn't want help, and has no intention of getting any. I'm sure in his mind, you are the one who needs help.

According to your profile, you aren't married to him. Keep it that way.

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:38am

Stay home, don't go on vacation with him and his daughters. take your daughter away for a couple of days alone. I wish I would have done this more when my kids were younger. If you can't tolerate his kids, vacation will only make things worse. I'm living proof that combined vacations aren't a good thing when there are tensions. Time away will do you both some good.

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:45am

You need to go be single and just date until your divorce is final. This guy is not going to change and neither of you have any business being in a realtionship and pretending to be married to each other.

Jenny79's picture

Submitted by Jenny79 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 7:51am

I don't have the remarry itch Wink didn't like the first one.... and here no one pretends to be. (i simply enjoy his company, dinners... snuggling, waking up with him, our weekends, )
I don't enjoy the time when he has his girls... he has a personality change

Jenny79's picture

Submitted by Jenny79 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 8:20am

I don't understand how running and a piece of paper could make things better. I just don't know know how to get through the drama and shit the other throw at us. I don't know if I have the strenght to continue, i want to but.... I am afraid .

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 8:27am

You don't have to run, if you're ok with the anger and drinking issues but you don't have to live with him, either.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 1:10pm

Im not trying to be snarky but how can you preach the sanctity of marriage as a 7th wife???

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 8:43am

Even without the kids and their mother, you would have problems with this man. You're making the choice to have your child live with a man who has anger issues and a drinking problem. Why? Because you like waking up in his arms.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 8:52am

You are not married to this man and 'trapped' in a relationship. You will never have as much power to determine your own future as you do now. Since your boyfriend does not prioritize you and your relationship why don't you start putting your daughter and yourself first? If you know NOW before marriage how he is why are you allowing yourself to be abused? Why don't you leave and start thinking about yourself and daughter? Your boyfriend will either realize he doesn't want life without you and will move mountains to win you back or let you go. Really I don't understand why any woman would choose to be with a man that does not put them first. Remember men do not listen to words they listen to action. No do not go on vacation and pack while he is gone and then allow him to commence working for you. Men do not value what they don't have to work for. And honey THAT is why that 'piece of paper' is so important

milak's picture

Submitted by milak on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 9:00am

Decide fast this man wont change. Dad & his kids are inseparable no matter what. He wont see the things you see on his children, he will say you don't want & love them.

johen761's picture

Submitted by johen761 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 9:14am

Why don't you leave and start thinking about yourself and daughter? Your boyfriend will either realize he doesn't want life without you and will move mountains to win you back or let you go. Really I don't understand why any woman would choose to be with a man that does not put them first. Remember men do not listen to words they listen to action.

How to Get Your True Love

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 10:31am

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!! I have lived that life for ten years now and the only reason I haven't thrown in the towel is because of the very real threats made should I ask him to leave MY HOUSE. Mostly due to the fact that he knows he would be unable to support himself due to the astronomically high CS he pays (brings home $200 a week in high priced New York)so he's not about to leave anytime soon.

GET OUT NOW!! Things DO NOT get better!!!!

If not for yourself, think of your poor daughters!