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Can't have it both ways.

jeannescott5490's picture

He wants me to treat R as if he was my own. But then he doesn't want my input on how to raise him.

So how exactly do I go about doing that? It makes no sense to me.

If I were to treat R as if he were my own, then things would be very different in this house. BUT I CAN'T and any attempt that I make toward that "goal" is shot down immediately.

If he was my own, he would not have his license and be driving until he had a job and money to help with the driving expenses. This summer, he will be taking a summer school class and the way things stand now we will only have my husband's car and my car. I work 3rd shift and sleep during the day. So I am pretty sure that my husband will expect me to let R drive my car to class sense I will be sleeping most of the time anyway. When I put my foot down and say absolutely not, I will be accused of being selfish and self-centered.

I believe that R should not be allowed to be in his room alone with his girlfriend. Neither one of his parents seem to have an issue with this. SO, when his girlfriend gets knocked up and expects us to help with baby expenses. I will say gee, I think it's time that we re-examine how the money is distributed in this household. We need to split all the financial responsibilities and keep in mind that this girlfriend and her child are NOT my financial responsibility. You should have thought about that when you allowed your jobless son to do whatever he felt like to whoever he felt like.

Life's a Ball ain't it?

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jeannescott5490's picture

So how do you deal with it? I mean what do you do when you don't agree with what is going on?

Most Evil's picture

I would just state your case to DH, then step back and let the bio parents work it out.

You could say something directly to SS about using birth control if you can take the probable backlash, but hopefully his own parents would be telling him that too.

If your SS is old enough to be driving, he will be legally an adult soon and can raise his own child, if there is one! So it should't (in theory) affect your life, just SS's.

But if the child fights you, just say your piece, then leave him alone. That is the reality the step lives with. You can't really win dear! so sorry to be a downer on this, I just have a teen SD too Wink
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham