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Not sure if I can handle this anymore.

Jayl2517's picture

My 12 year old SD treats me like crap. She actually treats everyone who allows her to the same way. She is always right, and will argue with everyone. Her teacher, her doctor, her granparents, her friends. Everyone has to do what she wants or there is a scene, drama, fighting. Her friendships usually last a couple months tops, because she treats them the same way and they get sick of it. She takes things, lies, makes up awful stories. Her doctor told us when she was eight, that she is a pathological liar, when she hurts people by her actions or her words, and u explain why this is wrong, she says oh well. My fiance just gives in all the time. The thing is when, i am alone with her, she doesnt act like this. She tries, but i put her in her room and take away her ipad, and anything else she enjoys. She gets it. I wont put up with bad behavior. Her good behavior can last up to a week, but as soon as her dad gets home, she goes right back to her old habits. He also does not back me, when i say things. She will ask for something, he will say no over and over, like 20 times, raising his voice, then gives in. At this point, im almost 4 years into this. Lived with them for 2. Now I just bite my tongue, say nothing, if i dont have to talk to her im fine with that. She will talk back to me and totally ignore what i say and then 5 minutes later, ask me for a treat. PLease help. We are still living together, I truly love him, but the wedding has been postponed. Im 39, never married, he has been married twice already. All advice welcome.

Comments

Jayl2517's picture

I have tried to tell him this, but i think its too much work for him to follow through. Her doctor has said ADHD possible and oppositional defiant disorder possible, but still testing, Her doctor said the same thing, no conscience. She told a kid a school last year, my dad has a band and i had sex with him. Just to one up her friends. When we told her he could go to jail for her lying, she said Oh well, I will live with grandma.

Jayl2517's picture

He also will stand his ground with her then feel guilty and hour later and let her do what she wants.

Sparklelady's picture

I can't say that I have ever once told someone on the site that they need to leave their relationship, but if the situation is as you have stated, you need to go. You're not even married to him and you're dealing with this. It will get worse if you marry him - it will not get better. And this isn't just about her, he has already clearly expressed to you that he will not do anything about her behavior. And I swear to you she will only get worse as the teen years come. As much as I love my husband, I would never, ever, ever get involved again with a man with a daughter who has mental health issues. Never.

ChiefGrownup's picture

It will also get worse when you marry. She will turn her sites on you and then you will really feel what it's like to be in the cross hairs. Not to mention when she becomes an adult sociopath there will be no end of trouble and heartache.

My sd15 makes me worry all the time what our old age will be like when she is in her prime. And even she has more of a moral core than you are describing. She was 12 when I met her, same as your sd, op.