Valentines Day has lost its magic
So, this morning, on the ride in to work with SO, convo went like this:
Me: Hey, SO - Valentine's Day is this Friday.. what are we doing?
SO: I don't have a babysitter for SS (who is 11 btw), and we have him that weekend.
Me: He's 11 - not 5, besides, my BS15 won't mind staying home with him
SO: (with attitude).. well, I'm a bit broke, and it's not like Mum's here so I can ask her to babysit (his Mom is overseas)
Me: Are you being serious?? I told you, BS15 will be home - he's stayed home with him before and they were fine..??
SO: Well, remember the shitstorm last year with my family when I took you out for Valentines???
.... silence.. then I went feral.
This is the 2nd year SO and I have been dating. We had our first Valentines Day together, last year, where he took me out for a beautiful romantic dinner and we had a great time. SO still had his kids living with him at the time (SD was 12 and SS was 10). SD was FURIOUS with SO for taking me out. She raged about how it was HER night (SO and BM had 50/50 at this time), and he should be home with HER. Even though SO's Mom was home with them at the time. She threw quite the tantrum. After she had tried to sabotage us all this time, he now saw her clearly and he saw through what she was doing. She NEVER wanted him to be in a relationship - ANY relationship. Long story short, SD and SS went to live full time with BM.
So, when SO raised this about the shitstorm with "family"... I lost my temper. I gritted my teeth, and told him to tell the goddamn truth. That it wasn't "family", cos that would've included SS, who was fine. It was SD that had the tantrum. So, in other words - Valentines Day now reminded him of all those dramas?
I asked him why we couldn't create new happy memories as this was our 2nd Valentines together. He then yelled that I expected him to do EVERYTHING. I expected him to organise EVERYTHING. I screamed at him that he was basing this on ONE Valentine? Our very first? He also yelled that I didn't buy him anything and he was the one who brought everything. I was so shocked, I was speechless. Last year, I didn't have much money but offered to go halves with our dinner - he refused and insisted that he wanted to do it. So, he basically through this back in my face.
I never used to give a shit about V-day until I met SO. Falling in love changed my outlook on this day and I confess, I wanted to be all mushy and romantic with him.
Thing is, it has now lost it's magic. I don't want to do anything or even acknowledge it. I am hurting and I'm angry. I'm actually planning on working as late as I can that Friday. He can spend it with SS.
He's been texting and calling - but I really don't want to talk to him
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Comments
I thought planning dates was
I thought planning dates was the man's job...part of taking care of your lady's needs. DH still plans our date night every week.
I'd be partying with friends this V day and looking for a better man.
Me too!! Valentines Day is
Me too!! Valentines Day is FDHs job to plan and celebrate (or not if he chooses) And then in March 'Steak and BJ' day is MY job to plan and celebrate (or not if he was a moron on V-day)
Works out excellent for us.
Our first V-day living
Our first V-day living together was a non-skid day - so OH arranged for my (then 19yo) dd to babysit dd's then 9 and 7 and took me out to a lovely local Indian restaurant, with flowers and chocolates, then to the movies. Was a GREAT night.
Last year - V-day was a skid night. So he arranged for all kids to eat earlier and watch a movie upstairs til it was time to drop skids back to BM, then he got us Take out from the same Indian restaurant, flowers and chocolates and rented a movie I wanted to see.
This year - again a skid night - not just a night where he has them from after school til half 8, it's the Friday night of a skid weekend. Will he ask to get them Saturday am? no. Will he arrange a babysitter for all 4 and take me out? no.
Will he arrange for them all to eat early and stay upstairs? NO.
He has said that Friday night is going to be busy, and we are all tired, and it's his first night of the skid weekend so he doesn't want to banish them. So. his plan is to just ignore V-day on Friday, and on Saturday night the kids will eat early and watch movies upstairs while he gets us our Indian take out (same restaurant - tradition that HE wants to maintain- which I do like
) and we will have our valentines night at home with all 4 kids upstairs.
I am taking bets now -
Odds on is that skids will whinge about whatever they eat compared to what we have, want ours, not want to stay upstairs and leave us our romantic night, and won't go to bed, will carry on and be loud and be up and down the stairs ALL night demanding his attention and that he go play with them... And he won't want to send them to bed til midnight!
Buy yourself a nice gift and
Buy yourself a nice gift and some roses.... Then bring them home and get dressed up...... Make reservations at your favorite restaurant..... Bring your favorite romantic book...... And order your favorite meal..... And celebrate your love for yourself! Leave him home with ss
Well I dont think he acted
Well I dont think he acted appropriately at all! Seems like he is upset you didnt think of him then he decided to mud sling and make up stupid excuses to not go out. Instead of just tell you why he was upset in the first place.
Admittedly I used to be like this and not tell SO when and what I was upset with. Then I would just snap and throw it in his face... not fair! The only reason I did this is because I am horrible with confrontation and had learned from a past relationship to just shut up and deal. SO had to sit me down one day and ask me to please tell him if something was bothering me. That it was ok to do that and he wouldnt be mad at me for doing it. It really gave me the courage to know that SO wanted that communication even though it wasn't positive!
So no I dont think he was being fair. Maybe he needs to know that you cant fix things if you dont know! That said im sorry but offering to pay for half a meal is not getting something for your SO. I would be upset with that aswell. It doesnt take money to think of something sweet to do/give your SO. Vday is for couples ie both people... in my mind the guys deserve something nice aswell. Maybe he was hurt in the first place and then the negativity that happened with "family" just made him feel like whats the point? I guess what I am saying is that for some people this is not just a night where the woman gets catered to and thats it. So maybe he was surprised and upset when it was completely one sided. I dont think it justifies his reaction at all but sounds like a conversation concerning expectations is in order!
If that was my first
If that was my first Valentine's with a man, they're wouldn't be a second one!!!!
"SD was FURIOUS with SO for
"SD was FURIOUS with SO for taking me out. She raged about how it was HER night" :jawdrop: Ok... I stopped reading right there!This is the point where daddykins sits mini wife (aka SD) down & explains to her that Valentines day is about people who are in a ROMANTIC relationship ie husband & wife,girlfriend & boyfriend NOT parent & child....that is just unhealthy.If he is unable to do that now 2nd Valentines together hate to tell you but it will just get worst.As the parent it is HIS duty to explain this to his daughter unless he plans on having an emotionally incestous relationship with her ....in which case you run Forest run....he needs to nip this in the bud ASAP.Oh & also step up & be a man & plan a special date for you!