SS cannot handle disappointments
This is a good example of how difficult it is to deal with SS(11). He’s so pessimistic and has a crazy all or nothing attitude.
He’s a picky eater. We’ve always dealt with this by telling him to eat what’s on his plate and not catering to him. But he’s used to eating different food at his BM’s (she’s not from the US) and him not eating is becoming a problem. There is a international food store about 30 miles away from our house that we hoped would have things he likes. So last Saturday DH and I packed up all the kids in the car and headed out to go there.
If SS had wanted anything there, we would have bought it for him. But he immediately went to see if the store had a type of candy he likes and the store didn’t have it. I could see another one of his silent tantrums coming on. We walked around the whole store, SS wouldn’t say anything. We asked him if he wants anything, he shook his head no. So it was a complete waste of time. On the way home, we stopped at a restaurant for dinner. SS’s face was all splotchy from crying in the car. He refused to say anything, didn’t eat and sat there pouting. We got home and he went up into his room to continue to pout. He refused to come down to watch a movie (Happy Feet II) with the rest of the family and have ice cream.
We could order the candy he wanted online but I don’t want to reward him for his behavior. DH tried to use it as motivation to solve some of the other problems and told him if every day this week he got up on time, showered and did his homework, he would order it. But now SS says he doesn’t want it.
This is the way it always is with him. He gets upset about something and then when things don’t turn out like he wants, he completely deflates.
We’re at a complete loss as to what to do. He’s in counseling and on an antidepressant but nothing is helping. He’s not motivated to do anything and when I think there’s a little progress, there’s another bad day.
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Comments
I haven't tried having SS
I haven't tried having SS help me cook. I've asked what he wants. I get silence or shrugs. I have tried to make recipes from his BM's native country, but he always tells me it's not like his BM's cooking and he doesn't eat it.
My DD(3) likes to "help" cook but she's too little to do much.
A low tolerance for
A low tolerance for frustration is a good sign that he's been coddled and raised on the model of instant gratification. Sounds very much like all of GG's kids, in particular stbxSD VD13. He needs to learn QUICK that he is NOT the center of the universe. This will be a HARD lesson to learn at this state of the game.
Expect calls to CPS and the entire arena of blow back. But it MUST be at least attempted. DH must be on the same page as you otherwise all is lost.
Well, you're right that he's
Well, you're right that he's the center of his BM's universe.
But SS doesn't want to be the center of our universe. He stays in room most of the time. I swear he sleeps 18 hours a day. Far more than my 8 month old.
I'm afraid his teachers will be calling CPS because they think something is seriously wrong at our home by the way he's acting. But I don't know how to deal with him. I'm trying so hard but the more we do the worse his behavior is.
ok. I read this.... I hear of
ok. I read this.... I hear of a kid that is in total control of the situation by manipulating everyone around him.
I think it's great to include kids in the life around them. That is how they learn. But at the same time, they don't get to run the show.
I'm not sure what to suggest but it sounds like this kid is running the show. And your jumping through the hoops. I'm sorry, I hope it get's better.
While some of his issues might be related to depression or anxiety it seems at the same time he's getting a lot of attention with his behavior. It singles him out from everyone else.
Timeouts work with my 3 year
Timeouts work with my 3 year old but they almost seem like a reward for SS. SS will spent countless hours in his room just laying in bed. I was considering using "time ins" where he actually has to stay and interact with the family since that acts like that's a punishment.
We know that SS is having a
We know that SS is having a very difficult time coming to terms with the fact that he cannot live with his mother and he has absolutely no control over where he lives and the major changes in his life since he came to live with us.
His counselor is trying to help him deal with it and has been encourage us to help him find ways he can have control over his life in some ways. But every time try, his behavior gets even worse.
SS was crushed when he asked us where the local ice rink was and if he could sign up for a team. We don't have an ice rink. The closest is 35 miles away. SS has always wanted to be a pro hockey player and that's unlikely now if he continues to live with us. We have been trying to get him to sign up for another sport but he continues to pout and pout over it. We figured it would last for a few weeks, now it's months later.
The issue is he's not eating much and continuing to loose weight. I'm becoming concerned.
I’m not sure about car
I’m not sure about car pooling for hockey or if there are any teams he can even play on. This is not a hockey area. BM was a crazy obsessive hockey mom and took him to tournaments, clinics and camps. No way are we doing that. We have 2 small kids. I don’t have time and DH has to travel for his job. There are plenty of other sports he can play. We’ve offered to buy SS rollerblades but he’s not interested.