Well I haven't been on in a while - things were running fairly smooth. My husband and I had started going to counseling and were making some progress. I thought things were going fairly decent with step daughter except she was still lazy and not doing much around the house.
She was pretty much staying gone on the weekends - staying at her friends house. Well come to find out from a source - she had been staying at her boyfriends house on the weekends and lying to us for over a month about it. I informed my husband and we ended up getting into an argument because I thought something needed to be done - she atleast needed to be confronted about it.
He later agreed - so a few nights ago we sat her down and he asked her to tell us where she had been staying on the weekends. She said with her boyfriend and then said "i was going to tell yall that I am moving in with him when i get out of school". Well that whole conversation turned into a big blow up. We were not mad at the fact that she was moving out - and her dad told her that - we were mad at the fact she had been lying to us for over a month. Well she got bent out of shape and the conversation turned to everything being mine and her dads fault but mostly directed at me.
According to her - the boyfriend won't come back to our house because he feels uncomfortable - says that I give him evil eyes and we don't talk to him. I replied that we have never done anything to make him feel uncomfortable and how can we talk to him when he walks in the door and goes straight to your bedroom - he comes out to go to the restroom or leave. She said ya'll act like ya'll don't want him here - her dad said if we didn't want him here he wouldn't step foot in the door.
Also - she doesn't feel welcome at the house. She is ready to get out of there and hates being there. Says she is miserable being there.
She told her dad that she has tried to have a relationship with him but he puts forth no effort. He told her that was crap. Said all you do is stay locked up in your room all the time - you come out to find out what is for dinner or call me at work to tell me to pick something up at the store - how can anyone have a relationship with you! Well then it gets directed at me - I said I will not be blamed for you not having a relationship with your dad - she said well it has gotten worse since you have been here.
Then she looked at me and said "now you can have him all to your self which is what you have been wanting all this time". I told her I am not nor have i ever been or ever will be in competition with her for her dad - she said it feels like it. I said well that is sick - a parent/child relationship is different than a husband/wife relationship. She said oh well.
So I asked her exactly what her problem with me is. She said everything! Her dad asked what she meant by everything. She said just everything - since we had the discussion where I said I wish it was just you and I again like I still do we just don't get along anymore.
By this point I'm pissed and I'm hurt. The conversation goes on for a bit more and I just keep my mouth shut because I know nothing good will come out of it.
So that Friday after school she leaves to go stay at my mother in laws and spends saturday there getting ready for prom. She doesn't bother to inform us of any plans or picture taking options. We end up going to his moms (not by choice on my part) - stepdaughter did not acknowledge us being there and mother in law was kinda short with us.
Well husband and I got into when we got back home. I refuse to live with the tension in my house because of her!!
Neither of us heard from her until she came home Sunday night about 9 pm. She walked in and didn't speak so her dad said heeey - she said hey and kept walking and locked herself in her room as usual. I bit my tongue.
She came home from school Monday and started packing up her room. Still not speaking to me.
I talked to husband lastnight and asked if he had talked with her and he said not really but he did go talk to his mom. His mom was unaware she had been lying to us but knew she stayed at the boyfriend's once. Her advice was she's 18, hormonal and scared.
So of course now husband is running with that BS.
I get the fact she's scared about moving out - IT WAS HER DECISION!!! He claims he told her she doesn't need to leave on these terms.
Then he tells me that we have to do something to work this out. I reply well first she needs to make some big fat apologies - his response was we all need to apologize. I said do you not get that she said some pretty hurtful things to me??? I have done nothing but try to be there for her in every way possible - I have done so much for her and she says the things to me that she did....um I'm supposed to apologize for what????
So now once again - her actions but it's all my fault.
Why does he refuse to hold her accountable for her actions? Why does it always get turned around and end up being my fault and everyone mad at me?
Maybe I'm the one that needs to be packing my shit and moving out!
I just don't get it - needless to say when I left for work lastnight I was pissed and didn't say a word to him. Maybe while I was gone they got everything patched up between them!!
BTW - the boyfriend still lives with his parents so she will be moving into his parents house with him! She is 18 and has never had a job but yet somehow is going to be able to get a job to pay her phone bill and insurance - but she has even attempted to look for a job!
Maybe I am the problem - maybe I am the one that needs to leave!