Well, Well, Well...... We have the big court battle next week on 9 Sept. BM has filed an affidavit, and motion claiming DH, Me and his family abuse SD (physical and mental abuse), claims we leave her in places unknown with unknown people, DH and I tried to kill her in her sleep, we cause her to have nightmares, Our home is unstable, SD hides her clothing to keep from coming, we constantly lie to SD, and that she is owed more child support, DH scares her when picking up child ...etc. She is attempting to take away joint custody and visitation and get more child support. (All of this was filed in January and March of 2009 - and she and her lawyer kept continuing the case until now.........)

Plus for the child support part of her motion (she claims she had not been to court since 2004 for an increase - which was a lie - DH has submitted the motions/transcripts to his lawyer - they went in 2005, 2006, 2 times in 2007, 3 times in 2008 - with division of child support enforcement - all were dismissed because it was not justified for an increase. In 2008 - she filed after I sold my house and me and DH bought a home together (after getting married) it was found that since he moved from DC to VA and took a pay cut - she was due to receive less money (221 less) we decided since she was putting SD in private school to keep it the same (we talked it over before court) and DH told judge to leave it the same to benefit SD. BM got angry there was no increase (she wanted it to go from 800 to 1195) and tried to file him in contempt stating he was not paying her insurance - which he was not court ordered to do. Judge told DH to look into it and if we could cover her to do so -since we had a family plan. Well insurance for government civilians is not dual-stated. Meaning we could not cover her in NC because we have a VA policy - and the judge ruled for the mom to keep her on her state coverage - she is a teacher. Her plan is a little better than ours vision and dental wise and much, much, much cheaper.

So DH filed a counter motion in April - using the counselor notes (her lawyer sent her and SD to) and want to have custody switched due to PAS, and BM not being able to foster a positive relationship between father and his family with SD. AND now we are finally going to court in September.... Geez Louise. You would think since she believed we were so horrible - she would have had this go to court asap, instead of asking for 3 continuances.

For a little background, DH has been dealing with a vicious vindictive BM every since the judge awarded them joint custody in 2004. She has left a paper trail of her trying to block or take away everything the court has given DH... (Mind you - DH has always picked his daughter up for visitation - He always pays his child support on time and gives extra monies when requested - He has also requested more time with SD and we drive 4 hours to attend all of SD's events, school orientations, recitals, games, graduations, programs, doctor appt's when told, etc.......)

***She has written/signed letters at the daycare blocking him from visiting/picking up SD and his family from visiting/picking up SD from daycare (although court order gave him the right to - he had that straightened out) The daycare gave him a copy of the letters she signed! She also left him and his mother outside of the daycare for hours on 2 occasions claiming she didn't remember it was his weekend. But the court order states 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends - plus SD's bag was packed inside the daycare waiting.

***She then filed a protective order alleging DH tried to kill her and baby the day before court - this blocked his Christmas visit (10 days ordered in the joint custody order)They went to court and is was dropped because he has his mother with him and at the time she claimed he was at her house his hotel receipt showed he was signing in - and so did the video surveillance. (He has the copy of the order filed with her signing the form - and the dismissal/court transcript)

***She would not answer the telephone for over 8 months and corresponding by letter (which she initialed and signed each paragraph) giving him information about medications that were incorrect and telling him not to bath her in his care. He then got the correct information (in a letter) from her doctor. She had told him to over dose SD on all of the meds.

***She filed a case with Social Services stating she was not receiving child support. So she received rent assistance, food stamps, welfare, day care assistance and health insurance for almost 6 months. Until it was time to re-certify. DH received a letter and had to disclose he was paying her rent, day care costs and child support. Plus DH found out she was working full time as a teacher's assistant and had just become a full fledged teacher making 3 times what she told him. She had to pay all the money back to the state. He has copies of those forms as well... she gave them to him and tried to tell him it was his fault and he should help her pay it back,,,, NOT!

***She changed the child's daycare 3 times after telling the court that any change to SD's routine would be detrimental cause DH wanted to pick her up there and wanted more time in the summer and presented the same daycare company in MD where he was living. Then she changed her 5 days later to a cheaper non-accred daycare - and then again 5 months later. Contradicting what she told the judge, He has the letters from all three daycares on the timeframes and where she removed him each time as authorized to pick SD up (against the court order).

***She sent DH emails about all of these medications SD was on for allergies telling DH SD could die while visiting us in VA since we were not aware and didn't know what to do. So we drove to NC (4.5 hours) to get the information (she would not provide) and to become aware on what to do..... Come to find out she was lying (it was not as bad as she alleged) and we received a letter from the doctor that contradicts her emails to DH. She also tried to prevent his summer visit 2008 with that information.... of course it did not work. AND she did not send all of the meds she claimed were necessary - and when he emailed and asked her - she said it was because he did not pay for them.... We have that email as well.

***She has been in contempt of the visitation order since Nov 2008 - they are supposed to meet 1.5 hours each way (it is about 2 hours for us but whatever) during exchanges on Fri and Sun at a particular exit on I-95. She has changed the meeting location 5 times and has shown up hours late over 4 times. She emailed and blamed this on her lawyer each time and sent text messages (that we have kept) we also took pictures of the exit and her car. She still refuses to drive to the correct exit - she always drive 5 - 7 miles short.... and will use anything reason to just make us wait hours for her to show up. And every time she makes us drive all the way to NC for pickups we video it - just for court.... So she can not lie. We make sure she and SD walking out of her apartment are on the tape with the date and time showing.

***She attempted to block this year's summer visit by claiming dance camp and cheerleading would take precedence. So we called the coaches and got written documentation that the cheerleading was not happening at all and dance would not occur until August. When his visits were June 2.5 weeks and July 2.5 weeks - we sent that to her and she still tried to lie - until we threatened court action.

***The final straw - Her lawyer and BM decided to take SD to an abuse/trauma counselor (the best in NC according to the lawyer/BM) to help her deal with the abuse they claim DH, myself and his family commit. She (BM) kept claiming that all of this abuse started right after she met me and found out we got married. She attempted to block visits in December by filing the affidavit (for an emergency hearing) about the abuse... but it did not happen. When we got a copy of the affidavit we decided to attend the next counseling appt. Jan 9 - When we got there - BM showed up late and was surprised we were there - and very angry. However the counselor told us - that BM had told her some disturbing things and that we should attend to attempt to get to the bottom of some type of treatment plan.

So Counselor unknown to us - was watching and documenting our interaction with SD - which was positive as usual. AND then came and took DH upstairs to discuss things with him (I opted to sit out - since BM was angered). BUT while counselor had DH upstairs - BM drug SD into the bathroom and stayed in there a while. She then bought SD out crying and looking sad - and asked the receptionist for tissue. She must have not realized I was watching her or could see what she was doing! Anyways - when the counselor came down to get her and SD to have the session with DH - She back out and had SD start crying again - saying her dad would spank her because she said some bad things about him and me. BM also expressed fear of retribution on DH's part if she had to sit in that session. So the counselor - told them to come another day.

Meanwhile she asked me to come upstairs with DH for support and discussion - so when I walked past SD I told her that I would see her later and to have a great day - to which SD smiled and replied see you later imagr8tma in front of me and the counselor. The counselor said that was odd - seeing how afraid of you BM said SD is. Counselor was surprised that SD smiled said that and waved to me.

Well when we got upstairs - we found out the real deal. BM told counselor DH was mean to SD, I hit SD and the family (his sister tried to burn SD with an iron) and his mother had moth balls around SD to attempt to give her asthma attacks.... .etc other stuff. A red flag was thrown because while SD and BM attended the family therapy sessions she (SD) would tell the counselor that her mommy told her to say I was mean or other people had done things. But in the individual session SD would say how she enjoyed being in VA and the things we all did with her. . And that she felt we all loved her... etc AND that her mommy and grandma told her to say those things.

At that time the counselor gave us a copy of all of her notes and the intake forms and told us she would be forwarding everything else to us - and to get a lawyer asap. (Which we did)..... However at the last session the notes states BM told counselor - BM did this to keep from having to drive to VA to take SD for visits. The last session shows her motive and states that a Guardian Ad Litem should be involved because the counselor believes the actual situation to be 180 degrees different then what BM is telling it to be. (BM is so twisted in the mind - she lives in NC - and even with her and DH driving 1.5 hours each - the meeting location is still in NC - we live in VA) She does not come to VA for anything at all.

***Now these past two months end of July - till now - BM is coming up with an excuse every Friday as to why DH should not have SD. He has not fallen for it - and has still gotten her. BUT the new excuse is that she has scheduled her classes (masters level classes) on Fridays and cannot meet him anymore. They have had a court order for 5 years - why would you do that he asked her.........

None-the-less being in school myself - I told him not to get angry - We know what school she is attending and program (UNC-Pembroke) and Education Masters - so we looked up the schedule on line - NO FRIDAY CLASSES AT ALL FOR HER PROGRAM - we then called to confirm -NO FRIDAY CLASSES FOR ANY MASTERS PROGRAM AT ALL! They only have undergrad classes on Friday which she is not taking. So we have the print out of that as well to bust that lie out in court.

*** Now we find out she has finally sat down with her lawyer and found out we filed the countermotion and they had read the counselor's report (which although BM's lawyer told her to go to, and BM paid for it - it really detrimental to their case and helps us out tremendously) and have decided to subpoena people to testify on BM's behalf. But the people listed are her friends and her mom. They have no knowledge of DH's interaction with SD or our interaction with SD. Actually we have seen all of these people only about twice in the last 3 years. At birthday party for SD and at her pre-school graduation. AND of course DH, myself and his family were all polite and pleasant. We spoke to them and even included them in on pictures we took and videos we took. So that may even backfire.

Why she had to subpoena her own mother - I am surprised.

I fully expect that her lawyer will attempt to contact our lawyer between now and 9 Sept to see what is really up. They don't know of all of the evidence as of yet. Since it is BM's burdon to prove her case and we are countering it. BUT our lawyer stated he will show them the morning of court - to see if she will settle out of court before seeing the judge. Showing her early gives her a chance to come up with some type of lie as a defense.

Although all of her actions make me very angry for what she has done.... and though I know that I was not there before I met my DH 4 years ago - they have not been in a relationship since months before SD was born.... So I don't know all the details. But I am sorry for her. She has allowed her anger and vindictiveness to affect her daughter and that is now allowing a chance for her to lose custody of her child.

I don’t know what I would do if I was in her position and I could lose custody of my 14BD. I would be distraught. But she has done these things thinking her day of being found out would never come. There are other things BM has done that DH has kept a record of that are just too long to list here..... BUT all I can pray is that some relief is provided in this situation. We have no problem with BM being involved in SD's life and having visitation and attending all of her events - as long as she doesn't come and do the same things again - that she is doing now.

I really thing she needs some counseling to help get past whatever it is causing her to harbor that anger and vindictiveness..... maybe her family after hearing this stuff in court will help her as well to realize that SD needs both sides of her family to work together - not one side constantly attacking the other.

Anyways - we have a conference call with our attorney today to go over the case again - and we will see what is going on at that time.

I know this is a long post - but it feels good to get it off my chest again. That way all of the emotions will not be as raw - when I have to take the stand and answer to these false abuse charges......

*****edited to add***** We have three 1 inch binders of her bull crap - emails, handwritten notes, notes from school stating she changed his information. We have a medication log where we document each time and amount of medication we give and when they dont come. AND we have a binder full of the videos and pictures we take dates and times... to cover us when she is with us and for pickups and dropoffs.
We also note conversations and the like. I feel like instead of my DH enjoying his time with SD we have had our freedom taked away - by having to document everything single thing all the time... .because she is an opportunist that will lie on us in a minute to take it all away.