Mission impossible; BM-b*tch acts like she's on a reality show.
Why, oh why is it SO impossible to get simple information? Oh, yeah, because she's a bipolar control freak who does nothing but lie! The more involved DH and I became in SD6'S life, the more apparent it became that we needed to be. I took SD for a follow up with her pediatrician who turned out to be a grumpy, dismissive older man who had to be booked two months in advance and was about as friendly as a ferrel cat. We found out that BM hadn't taken SD to the doctor in 2 years, no well child checks, no sick child visits, nothing but missed appointments.
DH and I found her a great female pediatrician, who CARED about why we were there and making sure both SD and I were comfortable. They're always able to get her in and takes the time to answer questions, etc. You know all of the things that any parent wants in a doctor. Recently SD was prescribed an inhaler, which BM claims she already had so DH asked the simple question of "which doctor prescribed it?" I kid you not, she has refused to answer despite the fact that DH has asked maybe ten or fifteen times.
Now she's gone so far on the defensive that she's told DH he didn't need to know and had no right to change SD's doctor even though we told her about it. It's this ass backwards mentality that she can do whatever she wants but DH has no right to do anything, in fact her idea of joint custody is I'll do whatever I want and if you don't like it, take me to court.
We're already awaiting a court date next month which BM will be finding out about very soon. In addition to a letter from the dentist showing BM missed two appointments and they won't see SD again because of it. We have records from the therapist that BM chose showing she took SD to 2 appointments and then no called/no showed and never rescheduled, despite SD'S behavior problems which we have documentation on from her teacher. We can show BM didn't do anything regarding SD'S academic struggles and police reports for the repeated domestic violence issues from her last relationship. We also have plenty of emails from BM refusing to change daycare, despite 30 licensing violations in 2 years, loads of lies and tons of arguments instead of answers regarding medical treatment.
DH wants to file for full custody since BM isn't making good choices, following through, meeting SD'S needs or even willing to co-parent. In your experience, what else will help make a case to the judge? I know that it's almost impossible to get a judge to make a change like this, but we're going to try.
Any advice?
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Keep gathering evidence.
Keep gathering evidence. Stick with FACTS. Dates, missed appointments, emails, whatever. Make a three ring binder with dividers if you need to, but keep it factual. No anecdotal stories or he-said/she-said or heresay evidence or quotes from parenting books.
In my experience, courts do not like to change custody out of 50:50, even if the BM spends 1/2 the month in the drunk tank. **** Unless **** a solid, factual, evidence-based review shows that it is in the child's best interest to make a change.
Think CPS, think GAL, develop your case with an analytical base --- still gotta have some touchy-feely stuff though, too. Remember that your "job" is to support DH is parenting his child to the best of his ability. (Party line for SM's) Walking that tight rope is difficult. Good luck
All you can do is keep
All you can do is keep compiling evidence. It is very hard to get the courts to give full custody to one parent. Our BM's house was so filthy that it had to be condemned. It had wild animals coming in and out from broken windows. It took us 8 months after this discovery for my husband to be the primary custodial parent. And BM still has rights and a say in things. The courts can be very unfair. I don't know what state you are in, but some states are very much in favor of the mom. All you can do is keep records of everything. Eventually, you might be able to prove that she is not in the child's best interest as custodial parent. However, she will probably still have joint custody.
I think you're gonna end up
I think you're gonna end up with nothing. It is not good what BM is doing, but it's nowhere near a condemned house with wild animals, half her time in the drunk tank etc. it takes a lot and this isn't it.
There's drug abuse and
There's drug abuse and domestic violence too but in my state custody is just decision making ability, placement has to do with how much time you have the child. We've already filed for a change of placement and can show that we've had SD more than 50% for the last 6 months even though CO says DH gets Wednesday and EOW. AS far as custody goes, since BM has missed appointments, given SD a prescription that wasn't hers and can't / won't co-parent or follow through with care, DH is just looking to ensure that we can take SD to the doctor, dentist,psychiatrist, etc. Without it being a problem of dealing with BM's current disfunction.
In our petition for a change of primary placement we listed things like school and daycare, we've enrolled her in a school with half the kids, twice the test score and a 9/10 greatschool.org rating as opposed to her current school, just in case the judge does rule in our favor. Over the summer she stayed with us 85% of the time and not only did her grades go up, her Conners assessment was completely different. BM is also in the same relationship where the police have been called out repeatedly and the only upside is that's all public record here.
Ugh, I know. The worst part
Ugh, I know. The worst part about it is BM finally came through with the name if the doctor who prescribed SD'S inhaler that she's been claiming to have; we have all of the medical records from that doctor and BM only took her there for "behavior concerns" says right in the paperwork that it was the first time he was seeing her. Every time we needed to take SD in while her primary was through Thathe clinic it involved going to urgent care because the doctors were so overbooked and understaffed.
Not to mention initiallyrics we were talking about her bedwetting, bladder infections and terrible diaper rash. I don't think it's appropriate or comfortable for SD to have a man examine her. Of course we told BM and the doc's info was even on the prescription we gave BM, I discussed it with her AND SD told BM how much she likes her new doctor.
I think DH'S thinking is if you're not taking her to any doctor, then it's not a change of doctor, it's a change in care and responsibility. What kills me is that it's ALWAYS about BM. She does nothing then cries foul when we step up and do what she hasn't.