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DH is moving out after SD20 was told to go live at BM's.

igotthis1972's picture

Last week, I put my first blog out here and the advice and support I received was amazing. In brief, my SD20 came to live with myself and DH about 9 months ago.  She did not like living with BM and had the convenience that my home (my home before I married DH), was 5 minutes from SD20's boyfrends house. SD20 got rude and disrespectful to me last week and I said she was no longer welcome - she did not keep room clean, paid no rent, ate food without paying for any of it, did not keep her bathroom clean and did as she pleased. She does have a job and is going to community college 2 days as week.  Well, now, my DH is moving out as well.  He says he no longer feels welcome and needs to work on himself. DH and I have had issues over the past 5 years - mainly because of SD. I really thought I would be more upset, but honestly, it is almost a relief. SD has caused so many issues and as an outsider, I have tried to point them out to DH, but he never addresses them.  This was a little humor in my situation - when SD moved out last week, I had to go in and clean bathroom and bedroom. Well, in closet, I found a box - mind you,SD is 20. It was a box that had S&M products in there.  I was shocked.  It was only the box and no items, but I know full well she and the boyfriend probably used that.  And, the box was IN MY HOUSE!!!  I am just honestly glad she is gone to BM. And now, DH can go to his own BM's too! LOL!  

Comments

Merry's picture

Act dumb about the S&M box -- hand it to DH saying that SD left it behind and might want it.

I'm glad you feel some relief!

igotthis1972's picture

I left it on the counter when he came back home from moving her to BM's.  He looked at me, and I just said, "found it in the room your daughter was staying in."  He was speechless.  And, of course, I am sure nothing will be said to her.  I went to bed and next morning it was in trash can.  You can't just throw problems away, you have to address them! 

igotthis1972's picture

Thank you! I am.  It will be a healing process as I tried everything to make it work.  After he left, I kept waiting for the tears to come. They did not.  I actually feel a little empowered to be on my own again and focus on myself and my son! 

TrueNorth77's picture

Oh wow! I can’t believe this all happened so fast! You seem more relieved than anything, so hopefully this is for the best. Just think of all the stress that is off your back! And Your DH is damn right that he has to work on himself. It’s unreal that instead of pushing an adult to act like an adult, someone would leave a marriage. 

onequestion's picture

While it think you have every right to kick her out and let DH follow what does the S/M stuff matter. The girl is an adult. Adults have sex. She was living there not just visiting so yeah she had sex in your home.

S/M and kink in general aren't the dirty disgusting things people like to gossip about. Shoving it in you possible exs face did nothing but create more to fight about and more reason for him to feel negative towards you.

TwoOfUs's picture

Adults also pay rent and/or own their own home...wherein they can do whatever they want. In theory, they clean up after themselves. 

I would be livid if my freeloading skid was getting nasty on my furniture...and had the $$$ to buy sex toys but not her own food. So entitled. 

Good riddance, OP. 

Harry's picture

Ready to kiss your a$$. To get his easy life back.  Where is he going, DD is not going to support him, must of already begged BM. Years ago.  It’s either you or renting a room !!

SD is an adult. She can rent a apartment  and do all the S/M she wants, that what some adults do.  Doesn’t make her a bad person.  Just not in your home. Your home, your rules 

notasm3's picture

I had a 5 year relationship that did not work out.  I tried and tried.  Bawled my eyes out when I kicked him out (my home).  But less than 48 hours later I felt so free.  That was years ago and I never once thought it was a mistake.  Literally I was 100% over him in less than 48 hours.

ndc's picture

I suspect in the long run this will be a really good thing for you.  Take care of yourself, and celebrate that you'll no longer be made miserable in your own home by the freeloading adult skid.  Maybe your husband will be back after he works on himself, but I'd think it'll take a lot of work before you'll be willing to take him back.  Good luck. 

CLove's picture

You are free at last! Congratulations! And I get that you did the whole box thing to prove that SD was not his perfect little pricess, she was actually human, and while you and he were toiling away to support her, she was doing only for herself and actually had money to contribute that she chose not to. Unless she has a sugar dadee on top of a regular dadee.

Im at almost 5 years, and feel so tired of all the toxic BS. I keep fantasizing about what I would do if I had lots of money and owned my own home. Probably date my DH, until kiddo moves out. LOL. Dont need the ToxicTroll in my life, dont need Skids that whine and cry about what they arent getting and how they arent the center of the universe, how they feel invalidated because they didnt control the household.

TwoOfUs's picture

Oh man. I just read your first blog, and it reminds me so much of my OSD (stb 22) when she was with us. She would hide away in "her" room, refuse to come out to dinner, sleep until noon...leave messes everywhere. She was dark and horrible to her dad and siblings. The calling everything "hers' really reminded me of OSD. Drove me crazy. The totally unrealistic idea of what it takes to be a fully-functioning and self-supporting adult? Check. (One time, when OSD was 16, she looked at me and smugly said: "I mean...I'm basically independent now..." referring to finances. This is a kid who was GIVEN a car, who lived with her BM and dad, who had car insurance paid for by us, cell phone paid for by us...in what world exactly did she think she was basically independent?!?! And the haughty, disdainful look when she said it. I wanted to punch her smirky little mouth). 

Like your SD, she also didn't like anyone's rules and had social anxiety and depression, so she was treated like this precious little golden child and we were all expected to give her her way and walk on eggshells around her. Got old super fast. 

I remember one time, DH and I were going out for the evening with YSD...leaving OSD home alone. I get liking to have the house to yourself...but we were all laughing and talking, gathering our things...and OSD was practically shooing us out the door...sighing a lot...telling us to gooooooo already! We got in the car and I realized that I'd left my wallet on my desk, so I went back in the house. OSD sighed really loud and said: "Why are you back?!?! Oh my GOD would you leave already??!!" I kind of think she meant it to be funny...and I kind of think she didn't. Either way, I went off. I told her this was MY house, not hers...and I would come and go as I damn well please...and she better think hard before EVER telling me to leave my own home again. I was furious. If I hadn't really wanted to go out that evening, I would have told DH I changed my mind and stayed home just to spite her. 

Anyway. Say all this to say...I'm so sorry you've been going through this crap for 8 months. Fortunately, in my case, my DH wised up after a couple years and started to lay down the law with her. She hated it...and the moment she turned 18 she refused to come over anymore. Hooray!!!

Siemprematahari's picture

TwoOfUs~ loved the way you addressed your step daughter. I'd be d@mned someone that doesn't pay a d@mn thing in my house behaves that way. Glad you checked it and hope she learned not to cross the line.

Siemprematahari's picture

Congratulations Igotthis1972! You removed 2 toxic people from your life which is why you feel great relief and not crying your eyes out. I can imagine how good it must feel to have that weight lifted from your shoulers.

Continue to live your best life and know that you did the best thing for your peace of mind & well being.