Going for 50/50 at the end of the summer...thoughts?
I've been thinking and this court order that we have is bullshit. Every Sunday overnight and Every other Wendnesday (used to be friday) overnight with alternating weds from 5pm to 9pm is bullshit.
That is not nearly enough time for us to establish any sort of routine or ground rules in our home. My SO deserves way more than "visitation"...SD doesnt need to be "visiting" us, this is not a vaca house, she either lives here or she doesnt...and we are not going down without a fight here.
From the beggining of Sept. 2011 to the beggining of february, this year, we had SD EVERY FREAKING DAY. every day. BM decided to "let" SO take care of her during the day plus his court ordered overnights...how nice, treating him like your babysitter. That lasted 5 MONTHS!!!!! and then she got pissed off and took SD away from him again, even withholding his court ordered days (police reports were filed).
Well I've had enough, those 5 months were great, we had a routine, SD was well behaved, she knew the rules...then she gets snatched away for 2 weeks and now we only see her on CO's days....umm hell no, I am done.
I told SO that as soon as his CO's mediation meetings are done we are contacting our lawyer and seeing what we need to do to go about getting 50/50. How the hell are we supposed to potty train this little girl if we only have her that amount of time...and BM sure as hell isn't doing it! grrerrrrrrrr!!!!!
Anyone have any luck with actually getting 50/50?? what did you do?
- IAmALady77's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
What does dad want to do? The
What does dad want to do?
The child may not be ready to be potty trained yet.
Oh sorry, he's on the same
Oh sorry, he's on the same page lol, I know it seems from my blogs that Im a control freak, but when I say "I told SO to do something"...it usually means I stated the obvious and he agrees 100 percent. And SD is 2 she will be 3 in November, she has used her princess potty before BM doesnt seem to think it's an issue, even though I've done a ton of research and she is definitly ready. The thing is, BM sends her to our house in pull ups that are soaked (you know what a pain in the a** it is to get a kid out of soaked poopy pull-ups??) I mean come on, if you're not gonna take the time to potty train her then keep her in the damn diapers really?
What does dad want to do? Is
What does dad want to do? Is he ready to commit to 50/50 or will he agree to it then expect you to parent his daughter?
The child may not be ready to be potty trained yet.
and he doesnt expect me to
and he doesnt expect me to parent her....I just feel like the 2 of us are building a life together, and like it or not SD is a part of that life that I chose, so I do my part in raising her. She is only 2 so hopefully we can nip an negative influence BM may have now while shes still young. We've already had a million talks about older SD though...I dare her to try to pull some of the stunts on here that Ive seen...few more years before Im too worried though
I agree that at that young
I agree that at that young theres no reason not to do 50/50. Its when they start school that things really get complicated. I dont have experience with changing custody. (We only have the EOWd, and of course the stupid evenings during the week that we have never used cause we live to far away).
But I do agree that the original order is crap. Kids need consistency, and Ive had to go back up to re-read your arrangement twice while writing this! How is the kid going to remember when she sees dad?
I agree, with the patch work
I agree, with the patch work arrangement you have now in place life gets too chaotic for a 2 year old,especially if BM is messing you around with sleeping patterns etc.Hope it works out.
My Dh had his kids every
My Dh had his kids every other Monday night, opposite of his every other weekend and then had the kids for 2 hours on Thursdays for dinner (5:30 to 7:30pm) When I came into the picture and Dh had moved on with his life from her, she began alienating the kids from him.
Dh filed for 50/50 custody and had tried to settle out of court, but she does not negotiate , that's why he filed. After 18 months of custody evaluations, a GAL and a trial, my Dh got 50/50 custody.
His schedule is now every Wednesday and Thursday, and every other weekend. It's a 5-5-2-2 plan. However BM continued to alienate their daughter from him, against the Judges advice. Now we are going back for full custody of the SS's because the relationship with his daughter has been completely severed.
I agree with you that more time with the skids does help create routine, boundaries and established better relationships with them. I say go for it and best wishes
Thanks! Good luck getting
Thanks! Good luck getting your full custody! Im hoping we get a GAL but dont know how much help they'll be because shes so young :/ eh Ill keep ya'll updated!
A couple of things you might
A couple of things you might like to consider:
1. The longer you go with a schedule the harded it will be to change it. So in other words the farther away you get time wise from when you had her full time, the harder it will be to say you have a problem with the new setup.
2. Its a lot easier to get an order for a change in the amount of visitation time you get then it is to change custody. You will need a change in the childs circumstances to change custody but that doesn't hold for an increase in visitation time.
Good luck!!
Would BM losing her apartment
Would BM losing her apartment and not working for the past month be considered a change in circumstances?
yup
yup
excellent, thanks!
excellent, thanks!
no that's not me lol we own
no that's not me lol we own our own home, BM lives with her sister and BIL
And yes, we're not rich by
And yes, we're not rich by any means but we have enough to go back to court...I feel bad for whoever you are talking about, you couldnt PAY me to live with SO and his EX lolol, nope definitely not me.
We are in California. We had
We are in California. We had joint legal/joint physical custody. We lived 2 minutes awayf rom each other and the schedule went like this (set-up by a court appointed psychologist):
Monday/Tuesday-Mom
Wednesday/Thursday-Dad
Friday started the every other weekend with both parents.
Christmas, Easter, and Thaksgiving were awarded in odd and even years with both parents getting to spend equal holiday time with the kid each year.
Each parent got one week at xmas and the right to exercise 1 two week vacation with the child over summer.
Birthdays were not observed on the order. Mothers Day with mom, Fathers Day with dad.
Monday Holidays went to the parent who had her the previous weekend.
50/50 is the best interest of the child to insure frequent contact with both parents.