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My ExH is also in the dipshit club - Is this PAS? Out of the blue - things are rocky...

HungryEyes's picture

My exH had a model divorce, honestly. Everyone was impressed including the judge who finalized it. We never fought. We just agreed. Everything down the middle. We always put our kids first and they never saw us fight once throughout the marriage or the divorce. I have championed their father.

Recently, my eldest son 10 has been making comments that his father has said in casual conversation. 'Dad said you could do that without hurting the windshield, but he says you're not the smartest person...'

After that I text him and said 'Hey. You can't say stuff like that even if you're joking. It doesn't help the situation. Please do not talk negatively in front of the kids even in jest.

He said he never said that and My son was lying. I let it drop. I never mentioned it to my son.

2 weeks later, My son mentions in casual conversation mentions that my ex told him I'm irresponsible with school papers because I lose everything. There was one test that I looked at and my son left in my car after I checked it. But that's somehow my fault. The paper was turned in. He got credit but this one even apparently allows him to tell my son that I'm not allowed to deal with homework because I'll just lose it.

Then when I called his Dad about it, again, exH said my son is lying... So I put him on the phone and he REAMS my son. Finally DS ten hangs up and said 'I shouldn't have said anything. Dad told me not to tell you things we talk about at his house.'

And I said 'You never have to lie to me or keep anything from me and it's not nice of him to tell you that. I will say that I'm your mother and you can always tell me anything you need. I asked him when he had this talk with him. My sons response was 'After you got mad about the 'not the smartest person' comment.

Now I know my son isn't lying (He's not known for lying. He's typically very honest) and I called his Dad and called him out. I never mentioned being upset about that so I know now that my exH is lying and my son is telling the truth.

ExH said that he's taking things out of context and turning jokes into gossip and blah blah blah.

I said if you can't say anything nice about their mother just don't talk about me at all. This isn't right what this does to children. You make them feel bad. I'm their mother. Don't talk bad about me. EVER.'

He's such a piece of crap.

I let my son know that it's dropped and that he should ignore his father's comments.

This sucks.

Comments

Willow2010's picture

The other ladies EX was not a dip shit. Your EX most certainly is a dip shit. All I can say is that you handled it the same way I would have.

Did your EX recently get a new GF?

Willow2010's picture

I realize it is on him. I was just pointing our that some men tend to become assholes when they get a new GF or remarried.

Glassslipper's picture

Funny ^similar here^ but BM...
The moment she got married, and merged bank accounts with her NEW husband, suddenly she was back "billing" us for stuff we already paid for...(because it was rolled into CS, insurance premiums) but new husband didn't know that, so we got a bill for 7 years worth of premiums (including BM's portion of the kids and BM herself)
New hubby just took over and billed us for THOUSANDS...ahhhh
I agree a new partner can totally be a source fighting

HungryEyes's picture

That's an interesting theory. I can't imagine him being with anyone new. As I said above, he's been single since we split. He's an engineer and keeps to himself. Literally lives in his parents basement apartment now while he pays his student loans off. He's very antisocial. It would surprise me, but anything is possible. I kinda thought he might be gay and that sort of lead to our divorce.

Raggles's picture

No communication should ever be done through the kids in my book.
Email the preferred way as i think texts and phone calls are to invasive in daily lifr.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

IMHO, things should be email or text so there is a written account of the "conversation". Then you can simply forward the email/text back to the ex showing what/was agreed/not agreed and when.