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Undermined again

Hastings's picture

Submitted by Hastings on Sat, 10/21/2023 - 11:51am

For some reason, all the kids at SS12's school get free lunch and breakfast (this is a very nice part of town, so it's hard to believe a big percentage of kids there are eligible -- which is the threshold for everyone to get it free -- but, whatever). SS eats a school lunch every day. While the lunch is free, there is other stuff you can purchase through your school dining account -- cookies, chips, special drinks, frozen yogurt, etc. DH keeps the account funded.

Lately, though, there's been a problem. SS is regularly buying multiple junk food items (DH can see what he's buying). At first he thought maybe he was being bullied and forced to buy stuff, but there's no sign of that at all. SS said he and his friends regularly buy things and then trade in afternoon classes, where they're allowed to snack.

DH has talked to him about it. He talked to him about buying and eating so much junk -- making better choices. Did no good. DH talked to BM and she said she'd talk to him, too. DH told SS he was only allowed a certain dollar amount each week, so he needed to think about what he really wanted.

This week he ran through $25. So, DH told SS he went over his limit and he now owes him $$. SS just shrugged and said "Mom said I can get what I want and she'll pay you back."

Ugh!

Defeats the purpose on two fronts:

1) He's not learning about healthy eating. Not a shock. BM and her family are overweight. And she doesn't cook, so they live on boxed Mac and cheese and takeout.

2) Part of DH's hope was to teach SS about money management, thinking things through.

So much for that.

Comments

Hastings's picture

Submitted by Hastings on Sat, 10/21/2023 - 12:08pm

Yup. He turned off all notifications and isn't putting more in.

But it's not all the money. This was a chance for SS to learn how to budget. And for him to learn not to keep loading up on crap.

BM basically told SS, your dad is mean, but do whatever you want and I'll take care of it.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sat, 10/21/2023 - 2:55pm

I'd fund $15 weekly, that's $3 daily, probably enough for one item, if not, too bad.  I wouldn't comment any more. That forces him to budget.  Nothing you can do if he makes a poor choice but 1 junk item daily won't kill him. Nothing you can do if BM supplements, either.  Some things are out of our power.

Hastings's picture

Submitted by Hastings on Sat, 10/21/2023 - 3:29pm

Agreed. It's just frustrating. It's pretty much an endless string of DH trying to teach values or modify poor behavior and BM swooping in to make sure her precious widdle pwince never has any discomfort or unhappiness. We're used to it, but it's still maddening.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sat, 10/21/2023 - 4:01pm

YRS was the last of the kids to come live with us and he was BMs fave.  My own DS was in Boy Scouts, I was assistant den leader, and I'd been impressed by the requirements each boy had to master to move thru the ranks from Wolf to Bear and so on.  It was a lot!  I thought it was good for DS to struggle to achieve his goal.

Flash forward and YSS was impressed by the uniform so joined a troop at his school by BM.  Apparently, she didnt want to tax him too greatly so she just signed off on many of his requirements so he could progress.  Her little prince.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sun, 10/22/2023 - 8:41am

What's can you do.   DH can call the school and tell them he has non control of his DS and ask if they can help. By not selling DS crap.