Pros and cons: electronics edition
One of the rules at our house is "no electronics at bedtime." SS13 puts his various gadgets in the hall and DH puts them away for the night, then puts them back out when he gets up in the morning. There have been instances of SS holding onto one, lying about whether or not he brought it to our house -- or just neglecting to put one out to see if DH notices.
Last week, he brought his PS5. Never gave DH the cord. He has headphones and tends to do things like stuff a blanket under the door, so he could've been playing all night for all DH knows. Whatever. He knew he had it, but decided to let it go. I'm in my "Does it affect me, my property or my dogs? No? Don't care." phase.
Regardless, we usually all hang out and watch tv after dinner. This week, SS regularly disappeared upstairs by 7:30. DH would go check and find that he had gone to his room, lights out, electronics (minus PS5) in the hall. Very odd bedtime for a teen. I figured he was either going up "to bed" to play, or had been getting up early or in the middle of the night, so was ready for bed at a 4-year-old's bedtime. Again -- whatever.
Well, after SS left for BM's yesterday, DH discovered that, instead of putting his clean clothes away as DH asked (and SS said he had), he balled them up and hid them in his closet. There were also a couple of other things undone.
So, DH said the PS5 is not to come back to our house next week. Good that he's putting consequences in place and recognizing that the gaming may be a problem. But at the same time, I'm disappointed. Honestly, it was kind of nice with SS vanishing every evening. DH and I were able to talk and watch more adult shows. Just like kid-free weeks.
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Part of parenting is to teach your child
Time management, time to play, work, sleep. All play with no work or sleep does effect DH life. No parent wants to play police person. To there child. But they have to especially, whe that child is doing underhand thing. DH is not upset that his DS is lying to him. Not putting out all electronic. Not understanding, no playing after x time? He should not have to take the electronic away. SS just should not play them.
Agreed. The lying and
Agreed. The lying and sneaking and manipulating have been issues for years and I've talked to DH about that. But he seems completely unwilling to deal with it. (Not to mention, it doesn't help that BM is a Disney mom and any efforts at correction are undermined on her weeks).
That's why I'm disengaging -- for my sanity. I see lots of potential problems, but I don't have the power to address them. Unless it directly impacts me, I'm out. BM, DH and SS can deal with the consequences.
Better not to have a rule
Better not to have a rule than to make one and not enforce it. The kid loses respect for their parent and the stepparent also loses respect for them and resents the kid.
Exactly what I told DH many
Exactly what I told DH many times -- until I disengaged.
My step daughter didn't
My step daughter didn't understand NO either about the games. The video games can become a huge problem for kids. It often gets out of hand and children become very lazy.
My take on
Blankets under the door; watch for a smoker. Vaping is all the rage with teens these days. I would plant a seed in DH's head about it. This way if SS is vaping, you can try to catch/help while there's still time.
Paciers are for toddlers.
Paciers are for toddlers. They have access to them for a couple of years, then done. Same with a binky blanket. A few years, then it goes in the baby box for molder until it either gets thrown away for resurected for a GK or a framed wall piece, etc....
Lazy parents who push digital pacifiers on their kids create potentially a life long problem for their kids and a long period of sheer hell for themselves as parents. At least in far too many cases.
We created that problem for ourselves and for our kid. We rescued ourselves and at least partially rescued SS whhen he was in 6th grade. We purged all things digital screen from his use. No video games, no hand helds. This was pre smart phone. He got a cell phone two years later and that was for our convenience rather than his. Nothing fancy. A Nokia stick phone. Call, text, and some snake game.
He had no self determined access to digital anything until he finished HS. Even that was limited during his 8mos as our live in beck and call chore boy. We shut off the cable and internet when we left for work evey morning.
Once he finished Basic training, he updated his phone to a smart phone (2011 version) and got a computer and internet. Gaming game on. Though he was in an environment where he was held accoutable for his work performance and severe consequences could be applied if he gamed his way into a coma with it impacting his work performance.
He self regulates effectively as a 30+yo adult.
Purge all games from your home. He can read or engage with the family. No digital pacifier.
He wants to suck on the digital pacifier at BM's house and she sticks it in his mouth, that is on them when they are at BMs. Once he ages out from under the CO, it has to still be on SS and BM.
If he can't listen and learn, he will have to feel. Make him feel when he causes himself to fail.
No living with daddy, no help paying his bills, no help with food when he gets hungry if he is sucking on his digital pacifiers and can't keep a job, or complete higher education, or function as an adult. He can play sofa rodeo rider at mommy's place.
IMHO of course.