Annoying and frustrating, but not my problem
Things have been better with DH lately. He's not letting so many things slide with SS12 and stays on top of him with schoolwork, etc.
But this weekend, stuff cropped up again. SS continues to violate the "no food or drink upstairs rule." I stay out of most things, but this one does affect me (I don't want to pay for an exterminator to deal with pests and I don't want dogs getting into things that could hurt them.) DH has explained, taken electronics, etc. Nothing. Most recently, DH told him we would be doing unannounced room checks. If he could go 3 months with no violations, no lying, no falling behind in school (in other words, demonstrate responsibility), we would talk about giving him more freedom. Seemed decent, giving him something to work toward.
Saturday morning, I found candy wrappers in his bed. I told DH and he confronted SS.
DH: Did you eat candy in your room and leave the wrappers in your bed?
DH: Why? You know the rule. Why do you keep doing this?
SS: blank face and "whatever" shrug.
The 3-month plan seems pretty pointless. SS genuinely doesn't care. Why should he want more freedom when he already does whatever he wants?
DH asked what I thought should happen now. I told him I'd start fining him. So much for every wrapped or can. Do much for every mess. So much for every towel or item of clothing he either doesn't bring down for washing or brings down clean to be rewashed.
Nothing will happen. DH is getting back into that zone where he's reluctant to do anything because he knows he's spoiled rotten at BM's and prefers her house. Also, DH's parents were super-strict do he tends to get triggered by discipline because he doesn't want to be his parents. There's a balance, but he struggles with it.
Frustrating. I know it's just candy. No big. But this kid genuinely believes he can do whatever he wants and there will be no consequences -- and DH is playing a part in that. The kid has no concept of consequences. At all. He's not mean-spirited. He's not badly behaved. But he's incredibly self-centered, never apologizes, has zero appreciation for anyone or anything. And he believes he can do/have whatever he wants.
This is a kid who got suspended from school for fighting and got to go out to get pizza and spent the days playing video games.
Drives me nuts, just because I know that's the fault of his parents. SS may turn out just fine. But I see a lot of ways this could go horribly wrong for him. And, so far, I've been dead accurate on every prediction about him.
Not my problem, exactly. I can't care more than the bios. I know that. But I hate watching it. And I hate feeling annoyance and resistance for this kid who lives with me 50% of the time.
DH keeps getting annoyed with stuff, but I just shrug and say "well, what are you going to do about it?" I know the answer: Nothing.
Saturday morning, DH took SS to his bowling league thing. DH told me BM was there (it was our week so she just showed up to watch some). The kids finished early and once it was over, SS walked up to BM and said "now what?" She shrugged and said "I don't know what you're doing, but I'm going home." So SS turned to DH and stared at him. DH said, "we're going home, too." SS sulked the whole way home and then banged around in the kitchen getting his lunch (sometimes we get something fun for Saturday lunch, but we'd eaten out the night before). Lovely. I'd blame it on him being 12, but he's been this way for the 7 years I've known him.
I swear, the way both DH and BM act -- like they live in fear of upsetting the Precious Prince. They created this. Still time to fix, but they won't do a damned thing.