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Tales of the invisible birthdaty/xmas presents...A B* chronical

halo1998's picture

Birthdays...things to be celebrated and usually an occassion for a gift.  

At our house, kids gets a birthday present, usually of their choice with in reason, a cake or whatever yummy dessert they would like and they get to pick where we go out to dinner.  

Example:  SD turned 14 a few weeks back.  She received air pods from DH and I, had fondue instead of cake and chose sushi for dinner.  DD and DS got her fairy lights for her room, some makeup brushes, fake nails and some body wash/lotion.

 

Pretty good birthday.....SD was happy.

Went to the Beavers.....SD actualy birthday was the day before Mother's Day.  We celebrated early since SD would be going back to the Beaver Dam.  Saturday rolled around....SD got....nothing.  She got a promise of a birthday present later because Beaver just didn't have time to get anything.  Now to be noted..SD rotates between houses a week on/a week off.  Meaning Beaver had at least a whole week with no SD to get a present.  Being we are in the time of Covid...she had plenty of time to do what we did ORDER SOMETHING AND HAVE IT DELIVERED.  But..nope nada.  Not even a cake and they had Micky D's for dinner.  However, the next day, Beaver demanded to know what SD got Beaver to revere her GU.  It was mother's day after all.  SD had made her a card because DH will not take SD to get anything for Beaver.  Sadly the card was not good enough.  It was not a store bought item.  

(DH refuses as when he did this in the past Beaver takes this to mean he wants her back.  As in "oh you got me a gift, how sweet.  See kids I told you DH still likes me and wants to be with me."  - this happened and DH was MORTIFIED and had to tell the kids no he does not want to be with her and he was being nice to help them with a gift.  It was a sh*t show)

 

This happens all the time..here is a list of items the kids were promised and never received.  The presents are always going to come later.  Spoiler they never come..

SD - a turtle, a goldfish, a typewriter, a bicycle, a new phone (her wouldn't charge), an American Girl Doll, clothes, shoes and the list goes on.

Dh says sadly this is normal. When they were married Beaver would hand DH a list for her birthday or xmas and expect ALL of the items not DH just pick or choose.  He found that out the first year they were married. He failed to get the whole list and Beaver pitched a temper tantrum that he didn't get whole list.  DH, however, got nothing from Beaver because...She didn't have time to get him anything. 

So..in Beavers world promising some present is the same as giving and ACTUAL present.  That it is better to receive than give...

 

 

Comments

thiscantbenormal's picture

Your posts crack me up....the beaver dam...lol.  BM here insists on week-long worships with multiple parties for her bday week.  Not sure if she does the same for mother's day as we haven't seen them in nearly 2 years but I'm sure the recent ones have been big for saving them from their monster dad b/c heaven forbid they actually experience parenting at out house and not allowed to run the show. But I'm pretty positive the kids don't get week long celebrations.   I know she has them take pictures of her opening gifts.

She tried to give DH money once to take the kids shopping to buy her a gift b/c you know she has to have something bought to honor her.

Anything really good the kids got bought for them was paid for by her parents.  But lot of empty promises of being signed up for soccer and other activities that never happened.  And the last time I saw them they said they would have to beg her parents to pay for summer activities like swimming lessons or art lessons if they wanted to do any extra activities outside of the house.  Her parents pays for their cousins summer activities as well but not sure if they have to beg for it.

Iamwoman's picture

"Week long worships"

LMAO!!

Same with HCBD here. Birthday "month." Lmao!!!

missginger's picture

The sad part is no matter how many nice things you do for her and how shitty her mom is - In the end she will stand by her mom and turn her back on you. 

halo1998's picture

for sure.  Even my DH has acknowleged that to me.  My own DD says the same thing..but she just can't understand why neither SD or SS can see that Beaver is sh*tty mom.

strugglingSM's picture

I think most adults don't even realize their parents' inadequacies unless they have a lot of therapy. 

DH still insists that BM was a "loving mom" even though she regularly told him how inadequate he was. As a small child, she told him that he was the way he is (ADHD and a learning disability), because she was in labor with him for a long time. She also told him in high school that the best he could hope for was to be a garbage collector or shelf-stocker and convinced him he should turn down a scholarship to play football in college because he "couldn't handle it." Meanwhile, DH's brother, who is a bit of a slime and of low to middling intelligence was venerated as the "golden child". 

thiscantbenormal's picture

B/c she is their normal.  Depending on their personalities, they won't know what their childhood deficiencies were till they are in their 30's and possibly older.

CLove's picture

Are right next to each other. So we have to accomodate her wishes to party hardy for bday, and then have SD for her GU mothers day. This year she needed SD to stay with her because for her bday, she decided to take off and visit with a dude. Because bday.

As to promises of presents, well she bought a puppy - so now SD is free pet sitter, and now I hear the Troll is on disability, and she gets child support (knew that), and on top of it all, she has her ex bf Tweedle Dum still coming around when its our time, because SD doesnt want him around. But he gives her money too.

strugglingSM's picture

BM was the same way when it came to gifts from DH. She insisted that he get her a $1200 Louis Vuitton purse even though their house was being foreclosed on. She also insisted that he buy her Jimmy Choo shoes, although I know at over 300 lbs and around 5'4", her feet would likely not fit into them. 

Meanwhile, DH rarely got gifts. 

Now, she just competes with DH for gifts for SSs. One year, DH got them phones for their birthday (so he could talk to them without having to go through her). After they liked the gift, she complained that they would surely be viewing porn on the phones, then Christmas (almost 6 months later), she got them "better" phones. 

One birthday, SSs begged for sushi, so DH said he would take them to a nice sushi restaurant for their birthday. BM doesn't eat sushi, but on the day DH was going to pick them up, she left work early and brought them sushi take-out at 3:30pm. 

She also regularly tells DH that he needs to tell her what he is buying, so they won't "get duplicates", but we never get duplicates, especially since we usually try to get activities or experiences as opposed to the junk BM buys or items that they will tire of, after one use. She just wants to try to pre-empt DH. 

She regularly promises SSs things and doesn't follow-through on them. They have told me that they were going on trips to Alaska, Hawaii, etc. She also told one that she was going to build him a new room, since he didn't want to share with his brother, but now he just sleeps in the loft right above the kitchen. She has told them she will buy them each a car when they turn 16, but I doubt that will happen. She used to "borrow" from their weekly allowance regularly because she's terrible with money, even though she makes well into the six figures. 

notsobad's picture

Around here mothers day and BMs birthday are to be shouted out on all forms of social media.

Oh, how much I love you BM, you are my best friend, the love of my life, my biggest supporter, my best influence, blah, blah, blah.

To which BM of course responds, You are my angel from heaven, my breath, my moon and my stars, blah, blah, blah

Interestingly, it's only SD (31) who does this, SS (28) is radio silent but of course BM makes sure to post on his social media what a wonderful mother she is to him and how he's her loving, most special son.