DH and SD10 still holding hands
Is it normal for a 10 year old girl to still hold her father's hand when out and about. Not for safety in a parking lot, but just holding hands when walking around a pumpkin patch, grocery store, neighborhood...etc.
DH just decided a couple weeks ago to give her a later bed time (10pm on weeknights, 12am on weekends) because she's growing up and more responsible...but he still holds her hand. It doesn't make sense to me.
It makes me uncomfortable when DH and SD10 hold hands and then he tries to hold my hand on the other side of him. Am I being ridiculous? I'm not jealous but oddly uncomfortable with it. Sometimes he doesn't hold my hand at all, just reaches for hers. What's the deal with this? What age is too old for holding hands? She's beginning puberty too. It just seems weird to me.
I told him it makes me uncomfortable and he snapped at me saying "this is something you're just going to have to deal with, I'm NOT going to stop holding her hand!" Then I replied, "Fine, then don't try to hold my hand while holding hers, it's just weird to me." He said "Fine, I won't."
Now we aren't speaking. He's sleeping on the couch. Wth!?
Am I the jerk here?
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Bedtime sounds late to me
Bedtime sounds late to me unless she's getting up later than my kids did. Ten is late on school nights if she's not getting ready for bed until then. 9 to 11 hours of sleep are recommended for this age.
Midnight on weekends. I'd be in bed much earlier and enjoy my alone time in the morning. Well I'd enjoy it until about eight and then I'd be running the vacuum in the hall and playing music while I cleaned.
Parent handholding usually stops by now, but if it hasn't it should soon. She won't want her peers (that cute boy) to see her holding daddy's hand. Her dad may have a hard time with it, but having your kids grow up means you have to let go of their hands.
I completely agree!
I also think this bedtime is way too late and let him know. He said that he will see how she does and if she is tired or doing poorly in school, then he will scale back the bedtime. It also means we literally have no adult time before bed because I go to bed at 10pm too. It's complete BS but I have no say.
"It's complete BS but I have
"It's complete BS but I have no say."
Leave, you will never be happy in this relationship. He is under the impression he has "more power", just because he has a kid. Not being treated as an equal will kill your marriage.
That is an awfully late
That is an awfully late bedtime for a 10 year old. The handholding sounds a bit odd, but it wouldn't be a hill to die on for me. I held my dad's hand occasionally when I was 10 or older. My SD8 holds DH's hand occasionally. Some families are more into the touchy feely stuff than others.
Hand holding wouldn't bother
Hand holding wouldn't bother me.
On the other hand bedtimes are far to late and are more for your husband and not best for SD. Why is your husband letting his child stay up so late.
He allows her
He allows her to stay up late because he thinks she is getting older and should have a later bedtime as a privilege. He said he thinks she may not need as much sleep as a typical child her age because she functions well on less. I call BS and it cuts into our adult downtime! I literally have no say in it though. He made that very clear.
He's clueless and an idiot.
He's clueless and an idiot. Functions well on less, indeed! How low do her grades have to go before he connects the dots?
I have 17 yo twin daughters who voluntarily go to bed before/around 9 pm because they know how much sleep they need to feel bright and ready to go in the morning (one gets up at 5.30 am and the other at 6.30 - and not by choice lol). At the weekends, they've been staying up late on either Friday or Saturday (sometimes both but not often) for years.
'it cuts into our adult
'it cuts into our adult downtime"
OK DuH, no adult time = no sex. Your call.
10 is still young
Hand holding wouldn't be an issue for me, but I wouldn't be holding hands on the other side!
Agree with others. That is very late for bedtime. My sd is older, but my 6 and 12 year olds are in bed by 8 weeknights. 12 year old asleep by 9. 14 year old in bed by 9. Weekends our rule is all the kids need to be settled in bed or asleep by the time we go to bed 10 / 10:30. The younger 2 are usually in bed and asleep by their weekday times. If they don't get enough sleep, the next day is ruined with grumpy kids!
The hand-holding wouldn't
The hand-holding wouldn't bother me. SS liked to hold my or DH's hand when he was 10 sometimes. If she was insisting on it all the time, it would be an issue, but on occasion, no big deal. In a couple years her friends might make fun of her for it, but not at 10.
The bedtime, though is wayyy too late. 9 at the latest on school nights.
I don't understand holding
I don't understand holding hands once the child is past preschool years. The one time I saw my husband and SD do it, I found it extremely inappropriate and made jokes about how he should be telling SD she's "too young to date" so he would understand how it looks.
That's similar to how I feel
I don't get it either! It just seems counterproductive with what he's trying to do with her becoming more independent and growing up.
I was raised with parents holding hands with each other when I was that age and older. My dad didn't hold my hand and leave my mom to walk alone. He taught me by example of how to be as a couple. So,, it is super weird to me being a part of this dynamic with my DH and SD holding hands while I walk behind them.
It's almost as though he treats his daughter as the peer and me as the old nanny or personal assistant trailing behind.
Handholding at age 10 isn't
Handholding at age 10 isn't weird (yet), but it sounds like he's unwilling ever to stop. By 14 and past puberty it will be genuinely creepy.
You've got bigger problems
You've got bigger problems than this. He gave too much power to a 10 yo. How dare he "parent" you instead of the kid. This won't end well. He talked to you like he should have talked to SD. He's proven he can put limits on behavior, only he chose to limit you and not the kid.
Wait until she is 13 or 14
Wait until she is 13 or 14 and he still is holding her hand in public.....
Does he sleep in her bed too?
*bed time at 12am is too late for a 10 year old. What does she do, maybe what do THEY do until 12am*
I have concerns about when she's older
I have voiced this to him about holding hands when she's older too. He said it will probably naturally stop but he won't force it to end.
When she's up late, they watch a movie together downstairs, she plays video games in her room or downstairs, watches YouTube on her laptop, eats snacks, etc. He doesn't sleep in her bed but he will go in and play legos or video games/watch a movie. It just leaves no time for us adults to unwind.
Unwind without him, on your
Unwind without him, on your own. Set up your bedroom or an office with whatever you like to do to unwind and have at it. He can spend time with her. Make sure you are also in bed by 10 so he gets no time with you.
He doesn't get to have you wait until he puts his kid to bed way too late.
Yeah, my SD, when she was 12,
Yeah, my SD, when she was 12, still held DH's hand everywhere we went. Funny thing though - her sister SD10 (at the time) didn't feel the need to do so as often. One time, he was holding both our hands (I hated that too!) and we had to go into the store. He dropped her hand to open the door and she literally pitched a fit because he was still holding my hand.
And it did drive me crazy when we would go to the mall. He would hold both kids hands and I would walk behind like a second class citizen. They would have been eight and ten at the time. I certainly don't remember my parents holding our hands when we walked in a mall, or when we were that age.
So, I sympathize with you OP. The good news is, they will likely grow out of that.