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Trying to keep my sanity...

gjwoiak's picture

I'm desperately seeking help from anyone whose dealt with a nut job ex that insists on using the child as leverage. I have been with my husband for almost 3 years now and his ex gf (thats right gf, not wife!), does not leave us alone. Granted, they have a 4 yr. old daughter together. She does not allow us visitation, although it is every other weekend. My husband makes all his CS payments, and takes care of both his children. When we are allowed to see her, generally his ex is late, makes us drive both ways
(2-4 hrs), & the child is dirty and hungry.
Now my husband and I, recently hit a financial bump and had to move in with his parents. His ex found out about this a blew a gasket, she is now witholding his daughter from us and his parents. Now, his parents play a huge part is his daughters life because they take his daughter(Bre) when his ex is crying because Bre's a handful or his ex is having a bad day. His parent's have taken Bre for weeks at a time so she can go party at the bars and get a "break".
There is a slew of things wrong with his daughter. She's constantly sick, she has no rules, she's 4 and barely potty trained, cannot read, write or say her colors. She has to see a specialist for her teeth because her mother doesn't brush her teeth & had her sleep with bottle of milk so her teeth are rotten. Bre's head is mishaped because her mother did not want her to wear a helmet when she was a infant.
Bre's mother has also recently had a baby with on of her many flings, which she has allowed to move in with her. His record includes 4 children all with different mothers, drug dealing, domestic abuse and restraining oreders. I have contacted SS too many times to count and they will not do anything because they can't prove that she has been harmed.

At this point I throw my arms up in the air. My husband wants a relationship with his daughter but his ex is a evil suckubuss from hell...to put it kindly. I have tried to be nice, and yes I have been a complete bitch from lack of patience. What is a wife to do, please can anyone help. Worst part is even if we take her to court, we would have to pay for her fees on top of ours because she lives off the state of wisconsin, doesn't work and collects CS off of my family.
Thank you!

Comments

anyha's picture

If you went to court, and won, you wouldn't have to pay her fees. Do you have a court order for visitation already? If you don't then you will want to get one officially.

You can push to hold her in contempt of court if you have an order and she is constantly ignoring it, but it usually takes awhile before they do anything more than some repriminds and a few slaps on the wrist.

Messed up moms tend to raise messed up kids. If you think it's bad now while she's 4... just wait it gets so much worse! BM's don't change either. This one isn't going to get nicer, or make things easier just because she feels like being a sweetheart.

There's a website i found that gives free LEGAL help, if you have questions but they tend to dislike SM posting since SM is considered a "legal stranger" and has no relevance in courts. But, your husband could post if he had questions as to what the best steps would be to gain access to his child.

http://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/

You could post also, but they would probably just tell you to have your husband post.

"Bre's head is mishaped because her mother did not want her to wear a helmet when she was a infant" Not familiar with this concept... I've never heard of babies/children needing to wear helmets in general.

A lot of the issues, like teeth and hygene and so forth, a court may not care that much. The bf having a record of abuse and such could have an effect in courts if you pushed for a no-paramour clause but some states doesn't really like these.

As a SM, the most help you can personally give is to be a strong support for your husband. Arm yourself with knowledge as well. It helps when you can recognize what's going on, to know what steps to take to try and handle it. (we're all still learning though! or we wouldn't be here!)

http://www.paawareness.org/

"anyone whose dealt with a nut job ex that insists on using the child as leverage" Pretty sure that covers the majority of people on this site. Smile

Auteur's picture

"whose dealt with a nut job ex that insists on using the child as leverage"

I think that covers about 99% of the NCP SMs on this board!!