WHAT DO BM GET OUT BASHING SO???!!!
I don’t understand so many of these BMs thought process. I see from so many of your blogs that your SO have kids who hate them, feel neglected by biodad, etc because BM has put into their mind that their own fathers are bad. But honestly what do you get from that? Do they honestly think it’s healthy for these kids to feel like that about their biodads? To me you are a decent bio dad if you:
1. Are involved with your kids life. Pick them up on agreed visitations, call during the week every now and then to see how school went.
2. Attempt and make arrangements to see them on the holidays.
3. Pay child support. You don’t have to go and buy your kids everything you are paying your child support and that is to support them, if you want to buy them something extra that’s up to the bio dad. But if you don’t it doesn’t make you a bad bio dad.
My EX does nothing for our BS14. He doesn’t pay child support, doesn’t even call for holidays/birthdays, I mean he does nothing. My son sees him once a year and that’s because of Bio dads sister, she pays the ticket, or I offer to go half with him (for my son’s sake). And yet my son thinks he has a great father, he has no issues, no resentment, no feelings of neglect. Why because I never say anything negative about his dad (I really try not to sometimes something might slip and I have to catch myself). But for the most part I work hard for my son to live a fulfilled life and isn’t that what being a mom is about? It’s not about forcing Biodad to have kids as much as you do because you feel you need your free time, or making them pay ½ for everything (even though you are getting child support), it’s about making your kid feel okay and always doing what’s best for the child. It’s really sad when I read all these blogs about these horrible BM who probably think they are making BIO Dad upset, but instead they are scarring their own children. And let me not even start on those BM who have no custody of their kids, Imagine if the one person who is suppose to love you no matter what gave you away?? I am one of those children and at 32 the feeling still sucks!
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Comments
Difference is you love your
Difference is you love your son more than you dislike your ex. You care about him more than you care about hurting your ex. And ex's who do this are control freaks and soon realize the only way to control the ex is by hurting them via the kids.
I am the same way, never put down my ex even when he does so in front of our children. My kids see this and are learning all by themselves that he is an ass who cares more about hurting me than he does them and the only way he can hurt me is through the kids.
If a BM is doing this kind of
If a BM is doing this kind of stuff... she's not sane to begin with.
this comment sums it up perfectly!
i'm pretty sure BM just wanted to get married too, she graduated hs and married dh 3 months later. she had a lot of daddy issues too. dh was 22 and he thought all the good ones were gone and he thought he could shape her into who he wanted her to be since she was so young. boy did he pay big for that mistake. and so did i unfortunately.
this is my worst
:jawdrop: this is my worst nightmare!
he's still young, i hope he sees the light sooner rather than later.
You know he can't see all the
You know he can't see all the great things because BM is all in his head, and again what do they gain nothing but hurting the kid. Parents will divroce, he left her not him and his actions have proven that.
they are immature people.
they are immature people. they honestly can't see how they are hurting their child. they believe they are the child's only important parent.
but the story changes to fit whatever need they have. if dad doesn't come pick them up when and where she dictates then 'dad just doesn't want to spend time with his kids'
when she refuses to give dad any extra time 'then dad doesn't matter, only her time with the kids matter'
reality doesn't matter, only what is best for BM. and OBVIOUSLY what is best for BM is best for the kids. skids BM is ENMESHED, she views her children of an extension of herself in every way.
she will never see that she is the primary problem because it is ALWAYS and FOREVER about her.
there is no reasoning that will explain it away, because it isn't reasonable. i honestly believe she has no IDEA what love really is, her kids are just one more thing for her to CONTROL.
on the outside she is a very involved mother and you might think, like she does, that she sacrifices so much for them. but when it comes to the REALLY hard meaningful stuff she can't see past her own nose. she is, in fact, a very controlling and suffocating mother.
I could have written this
I could have written this response, word for word. It never ceases to amaze me at how similiar these narcissistic golden uteri are!
it's hard to describe because
it's hard to describe because they are so good at covering up their crap.
it's like dog poo wrapped in chocolate.
oh...look how wonderful she is, she does xyz for her kids and is a "single" mom until you get to be one of the privileged few who have to take a bite of her lies...
for some reason i'm full of poo analogies when it comes to bm today! ha!
DH left his ex, and that's
DH left his ex, and that's why she hates him. Either something is wrong with her (and we all know that's not possible...
) or something is wrong with DH and he's a bad guy who ran out on her and the kids.
Ex needs to bash DH because it plays into her victim hood fantasy. Being nice to him might mean acknowledging he had a reason to leave.
My Ex has never paid a dime
My Ex has never paid a dime in child support, hardly sees my son, calls on occasion, sends gifts on occasion. My son worships the ground this man walks on. I would NEVER in my life badmouth his Dad. As a matter of fact, the one time I did tell my son that I was considering asking his dad for financial help he told me "My dad is going thru rough times mom please don't do that." So I didn't. My DH's BM told her kids throut the 11 years I've been with him that he left them because he didn't love them. That he loved ME more than them. That he spends his money on ME and thats why he never has money to buy them anything. I put a stop to this by showing the SKIDS my DH's CS statement. Now, since the Skids know that she was lying she is careful about what she tells them because I always rip her mask off to the Skids. She has done serious damage to her kids and I can't even begin to imagine what mother would intentionally hurt her own babies.
OMG! he left them because he
OMG!
he left them because he didn't love them.
---yep, bm has said this crap to them too. ummm...actually bm YOU left DH and divorced HIM...he didn't come back when you said to because he doesn't LOVE YOU...but of course if dh doesn't love BM well then he doesn't love kids either...kids and bm are one unit you know...can we say ENMESHED much?
That he loved ME more than them.
---and again she said this crap too. again DH loved ME more than HER...but again whatever DH felt for her he felt about the kids...because they are one person in her warped brain.
That he spends his money on ME and thats why he never has money to buy them anything.
---and again this was said. her reality, based on fantasy, is TRUTH. And of course the kids should know the truth...as long as it's MOMMY's truth. I nipped this in the bud. I told the skids I have a JOB and make my OWN money and pay for my own house and bills. Changed their tune pretty quick!
Yup, she's even told her
Yup, she's even told her daughter that the reason they struggle is because DH left them to start a new life with ME. "Look at how he bought HER a house and left us here to rot. Why is he marrying her? He didn't marry me and I gave him TWO babies." "your dad doesn't want you in his wedding." "Your dad replaced you. Look how he takes HER son to football practice, that's not even his kid. Why doesn't he take YOU to any sports?" on and on and on. She's disgusting.
and I bet she honestly
and I bet she honestly believes she is MOTY! :sick: