What's your argument/disagreement style?
Last night I decided to approach FH about a problem that has been going on for awhile. SS18 has a HORRIBLE attitude. I tried to attribute it to teen angst, hormones, or whatever but I just don't understand it. My two older SDs, 18, and 16 are pretty good kids, helpful, etc. They have bad days but not like him.
Anyway, he is MEAN to my son. By mean he won't let him touch his Xbox but BS lets SS play his Wii. He tells him to shutup, won't let him come in his room etc. In other words he treats BS like he has a contagious disease. BS has been hurt about this because he feels like its unfair that SS6 is allowed all these things but not BS. So the questions start. And I don't know how to answer them.
So I asked the other skids and even SS18's best friend who comes around often if they saw it too or if I was just being an overprotective Mamabear. They said they saw it too and he is even nasty to them as well.
Needless to say I was nervous. Nervous because I didn't want FH to feel like I was attacking his son. Nervous because I was so angry at SS18 but I didn't want that to spill over into our conversation. Also nervous, because no matter what, I cry during confrontations. Out of anger, sadness, fear, whatever. It makes it harder to talk.
Well FH was extremely receptive to what I had to say. Said that he will talk to SS18 today and let him know how I feel. And for that I am greatful.
But he was also hurt that I waited so long to talk to him. That I didn't feel comfortable talking to him.
So I am asking all of you, when you want to talk to your BF/DH/SO, how do you approach it? Are you the type to yell? Are you nonconfrontational? Any advice would be appreciated 
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Bitch until I get my
Bitch until I get my way...LOL
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
Personally, I tend to be
Personally, I tend to be very direct and matter-of-fact. I try not to have the conversation until I can do it without shouting or name-calling, and until I can do it by stating my issues and actually listening to what he has to say. Unless it's an argument over something that is a complete deal-breaker for me (i.e. in which there is only one outcome that is tolerable for me), I try not to come to the conversation with my mind set on what I think the outcome or solution has to be, so that we can work it out together.
I feel strongly that it is completely unproductive and disrespectful to yell, insult or name-call during a dispute, with anyone, but especially with your life partner. That's basically my style.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
Oh how I wish I could be as
Oh how I wish I could be as controlled as that. But, when I call him a bastard, by definition, I am not name calling, I am speaking truthfully lol.
In all seriousness, I have noticed when i try to approach things calmly and rationally, I feel better, even if he doesn't get the message.
However, I wish you knew my DH, then you would know why "calm" and "rational" are two words rarely used to describe me...
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
I've sooo got to work on
I've sooo got to work on this on myself. First I shut down, I don't want to talk about anything, I don't want to answer any questions like "Why do you feel that way", I basically become catatonic, lol. I think for me though, I first have to process what has happened, and what point I want to get across, and process what it is I'm feeling exactly. When I've finished processing, then I'm ready to talk....sometimes an hour, or even a day or more afterwards.
Based on what BF's reaction is to me when I start explaining my stance, lays out how I will react to him. If he's not receptive/non responsive, like saying "IDK" or "IDK what to say", then I start to get angry, and the conversation turns into frustration and yelling, which ends up accomplishing nothing.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
I am completely
I am completely non-confrontational. My displeasure creeps out in passive aggressive little biting remarks that leave the person feeling confused, like they know I've insulted them because they feel bad, but they're not sure exactly how. I know it's manipulative but I really can't control it. It just happens when you hold so much inside instead of expressing your anger. I hold it all in, until I reach a breaking point and I explode like a woman possessed.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
I've discussed this on a few
I've discussed this on a few times with DH. It was important to me we be on the same page about how to handle issues. I saw it nearly ruin my brother, and it's not uncommon. We were raised to sit on it until you calm down, come back to it and discuss things. His wife was raised to yell until it's over. So when he walked out to cool off for 4 hours and came back to her yelling... well things weren't working out. DH initially was in the habit of holding it in and not coming back to it, he jsut harbored resentment and didn't discuss. I told him that would have to change or "we" wouldn't exist. I didn'tmake him do it my way, I'm divorced also and I know that disussing these things is important.. I've had to change my method too. Neither of us is a yeller, we're both semi bashful and refuse to argue in front of people. We discuss things are the closest available private moment. Its working out fine, just hard to really get things through to him, he doesn't realize just how hurt I am sometimes, and then feel horrible when he realizes it later.... still better than arguing with the EH, straight up emotional abuse.
I am a bitch. No excuses, I
I am a bitch. No excuses, I will not sit back about this kind of stuff. It may be better if I wasn't so vocal. Too old to change now.
I usually get mad, and
I usually get mad, and retreat the the bedroom to be alone.. I will say nothing until I get it straight in my head. I will stew on things for an hour, a day, however long it takes until I figure out how I feel about it..
UNLESS... It involves my kids.. Then I am not very calm, if I feel they are being wronged I will step up and fight for them.. Just like last weekend, if the baby hadnt swallowed that floam, and I would have just found it n the bedroom I would have been mad and said nothing until I figured out how to get my point across, but the baby ate it, got horribly choked, and I lost it.. Now DH is staying at his moms and princess isnt allowed back in my home EVER!!!!.. however I did tell DH he could come home tonight and we will talk about it... It has been 3 days.. Took me a while to be ready to deal with him... He better get the point this time..
If the Broom Fits, Ride It!!!!!
I get my red headed bitch on
I get my red headed bitch on & say exactly what I think/DH does a lot of yelling & threatening. Infact this morning he threatened to punch me in the head... to which I calmly reminded him, he would go to jail & then we wouldn't need to worry about how lazy he was at home.
Crayon - that's exactly what
Crayon - that's exactly what happens at our house. We haven't talked to each other in 6 days. I haven't seen him either, we have a second home that we are trying to sell and he has been staying there. Which really is okay with me! DH can rag about my kids everyday, but when it comes to his, they are off limits. Because you know they are soooo perfect. :sick: