When you raise a child...
Just wondering...
Is it ok if every single thing you ask to the child to do, you say "ok"? at the end...
For example: You have to brush your teeth, ok?
We are going out, get ready, ok?
We are gonna change the channel, ok?
You get the point. It bothers me because I think with kids you don't have to "ask for permission" as it seems with that phrase. With my son, I will just tell him "get ready, we are going out" or "go to bed, is late" without asking for "OK?" THAT BOTHERS ME...
everything DH says to SD5 is with that "OK?" at the end...
What do you think? Again, I don't have much experience raising a child, my bio son is only 1 year old...
- Gia's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Choices
are sometimes appropriate, other times completely wrong. Sometimes we should choose our words carefully like----would you like to write with a red or blue pencil, (BUT YOU WILL DO YOUR HOMEWORK).
If you always give a child a choice you are headed for trouble. BIG TROUBLE.
I know exactly what you mean. Your husband doesn't have a clue.
That has always annoyed me
I've seen a lot of parents do that. Afraid to give a direct order, I guess. Kids are usually brats in response.
I know right?
that's what I think too, they can't just say "go do this and that" because of fear... OF WHAT? I never heard an option from my parents' mouths, it was all "DO IT NOW" type of thing... as well as it should be...
I do this a lot too. My
I do this a lot too. My oldest bio son is nearly 3. It is mostly out of habit for me. Some kids are more likely do what you ask with out a tantrum if they feel they were asked and not told.
I can see this side too
but I think it works better for younger kids... SD is 5, and she should follow ORDERS without tantrums...
She rarely says "no" to those "demands with ok"... but she has, and when she does that again, I will tell DH that maybe giving her the option should be restricted to when there is REALLY an option...
I do this too.
I give a lot of choices to by BD2 and even my stepsons. It is more how they will do something as opposed to if they will do something. I also do a lot of 5 minutes then...task. It avoids a lot of fits with BD2 because she feels like she has some power over her life. I look at her sometimes and think how frustrating it must me to always be told that you should do this and you can't do that. I like giving her the opportunity to choose to do the right thing. I don't mind giving a gentle shove though.
I have caught myself doing
I have caught myself doing that with my BS8 and kick myself when I don't get the response I'm wanting. That was my fault, not the child's because they excersized the choice I gave them by me saying "OK?" at the end of a statement where a choice should not have been presented. I would talk to your spouse and explain the consequence of his action. Don't punish your child when they don't choose what you want... wait a few minutes and then tell them again without the "ok?". Eventually you learn to do it without asking.
DH always inserts an okay at the end
It annoys the bahjeebeez out of me.
"You're going to bed soon, okay?"
"No more soda, okay?"
"Turn off the television, okay?"
"Take a shower, okay?"
And of course, every response that comes out of Blabb's mouth is "NO!"
My parents never did this. It was THEIR way or the highway.
"You WILL go to bed soon."
"NO more soda."
"Turn the television off, NOW."
Now, because DH always gives Blabb a choice, she's used to it. DH doesn't understand why he always has problems getting Blabb to do something.
I can understand that sometimes it'll slip out of your mouth every now and then, but constantly asking the okay like my DH is seriously not healthy.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss
At least...
She DOES listen to DH when he asks... but it is still annoying to hear him say that...
I say it too
but when thinking about it I usually say it with the tone of "O-KAY?" as in, are you listening and understanding me, because I'm telling you something and you better do it now! LOL Not that they are listening, but it sure makes me feel better.
I end some of my
sentences with ok, so i can make sure BM and SD have heard or understood what I am saying.....
However - I am not asking them much at all. When it is time for bed, brushing teeth, getting up, getting ready etc...... They have no choice - they are going to do as i asked them to do. Period.
Now if i am asking them a question - Like Would they like to do something is where the choice comes in.
BM?
You talk to BM like that?, I wonder why...
DH always "asks" instead of telling
That drives me up a wall.
"SD16, do you want to clear up the mess you made in the kitchen?"
"No."
So it sits.
Don't ask! Tell her to do it. Then make sure it gets done. Then move on.
And he'll ask me why he can tell her to do something 10 times and it doesn't get done but I only have to tell her once. Because I tell and he asks, that's the difference. And I follow up. Until it gets done, she's going to be uncomfortable.
x
x