SD16 feels like a burden
My stepdaughter used to be with us one week and her mom and step dad the next week. Her mom and stepdad recently got evicted and so my stepdaughter no longer wants to live with her mom. She is now living with us full time. Does anyone else feel like their step kid is a burden to them and how do you deal with it? She dominates all the conversations and has major attitude. I feel like a prisoner in my own home when she is home. Please someone help.
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No help here, I just feel
No help here, I just feel your pain and we only have my 13yo SD every other week. Tomorrow starts "week on" until the following Monday.
How do you cope one on the
How do you cope one on the weeks that you have her?
You get your week for
You get your week for thansgiving? That stinks
Yes and she doesn't have
Yes and she doesn't have school for three days next week!
She feels like a burden
She feels like a burden because she IS a burden. It's hard to have any "extra" people in your home. Doesn't matter if they are your own bio children. But since she is NOT your child you can try to mitigate the impact. You do not have to be responsible for her needs and wants.
But I feel like I have to be
But I feel like I have to be responsible for her needs and wants. She lives under our roof.
Her parents are responsible
Her parents are responsible for her. She has a parent living under that roof, too, and it's not you.
Yep. Absolutely. SD16+ 3 more
Yep. Absolutely. SD16+ 3 more skids. Im at my parents house watching football instead of getting my house ready for Thanksgiving with almost 30 people because Im not dealing with her attitude and how she gets the whole house in a tizzy. She ruined our Saturday. Damn if she's ruining my whole weekend. DH is cleaning the house for Thanksgiving since he cant keep that kid in check. Shes with us full time. Almost never sees her mom and certainly never sleeps over there.
So how do you deal with it
So how do you deal with it when you are at home with her? How do you make it through?
Sorry for the delay in
Sorry for the delay in answering. She stays in her room a lot. I come home from work 630-7ish, have a quick dinner and go upstairs for the night. I get up at 5 so have no problem with a little reading or tv and bedtime early. This week I am making a point to have my gym clothes and my dinner in the car and not come home til bed time. I honestly don't mind staying away. I need the break from DH too. He wants me to be so involved in these kids lives like the Brady Bunch
I would miss my husband too
I would miss my husband too much if I did that I think.
Yes....stepkids are the worst
Yes....stepkids are the worst burden because you have no say over how, when, or why they enter your life. You spend your limited resources (time, money, mental health, etc.) on someone else's kids...and they typically aren't exactly grateful for all that you do. If anything, they act entitled or even hostile toward you.
Make time for yourself...get out of the house. Make your DH deal with her.
My skids are all out of the house now, and I couldn't be happier about it.
You're exactly right! I'm
You're exactly right! I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way!
My DH used to accuse me of
My DH used to accuse me of "not liking his kids" because I'd get frustrated when they got dumped on me or I was expected to pick up the slack for him or his ex-wife in some way.
I finally asked him: "Do you think I hate my niece and nephews?" (An absurd question because I'm clearly crazy about them and do stuff with them frequently.)
DH: "Of course not...you adore them..."
Me: "Hmmm. So I adore my niece and nephews...But do you think I'd still have an issue or be a little annoyed with my sisters if they dropped 3 kids off at my house without asking me first? Or if they expected me to pick up THEIR kids from school with 10 minutes notice? Or if they gave me a calendar on January 1 and said: 'these are the 120 days our kids will be spending the night with you this year' without telling me in advance let alone asking if those dates work for ME?"
DH: "I see what you're getting at..."
Me: "Right. Good. Because as much as I love my niece and nephews, they aren't MY kids...and since they're not MY kids...it's never assumed that I'm responsible for them. If my sisters want me to watch them...they always ask. They never just show up...I would get annoyed very quickly if I had no say over how or when these children (who I adore) spent time at my house. But the situation I've described above is exactly the situation I've been put in with 3 kids who are ALSO NOT MY KIDS!!! Why should I feel any differently than I'd feel about my own flesh & blood siblings when BM just decides that...I need to watch a sick kid for the day because I 'work from home' and you agree without even asking me??? It's the same bloody thing..."
Anyway. You get the picture. Skids are a burden because it's the only situation where two people can foist kids who aren't yours on you without asking...and no one seems to think it's rude or unfair or bad parenting. Absurd.
Also...I think bio-dads have
Also...I think bio-dads have to act like it's "no big deal" for a SM to take on the burden of their kids...or even act offended if it's ever suggested that the kids might be a burden or anything other than a pure delight at all times...because if they actually acknowledged the huge, huge, huge favor that their wives are doing for them by taking on their kids...they'd owe a debt of gratitude they could never fully repay.
I think this is especially true for childless women who marry men with kids. He. Owes. You. (I'm saying this to myself...!)
Yes!
Yes!
Kinda have the same issue but
Kinda have the same issue but dad over rules everything I try to enforce. ie no sodas after 5pm, no cookies candy cereal for snack before dinner, minimal drink with meals( he fills his belly with juice then says he is full yet 30 min later he is hungry again), following through with punishment( unless its really bad). TgisTis supper annoying but I just let it go because at the end of the day my feelings are hurt. " He is not your kid, i'm his parent"
Kinda feel you when you say you wanna leave all day and come back when it's bed time for SK or both. Don't wanna deal with that!!!! MatrwrMof fact i did it Saturday. I ran the streets, went to viavi my cousin for 2hr, then to my brother's across town. I was home at 9pm.....lol
It must have been nice to
It must have been nice to have the day away!
Well. One definition of a
Well. One definition of a burden is a duty that causes hardship, anxiety, or grief; a nuisance. For alot of us on this board I'd say our skids fit that definition. We are obligated (at least if they're minors) to deal with them to various extents and my SD definitely causes me anxiety and grief.
I definitely see my SD as a burden. Its something I'm obligated to deal with in order to be with my husband and it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety and I really just wish I didn't have to deal with it. I try to deal with it by focusing on enjoying when shes not here (every other week). I tried to find the positives of having her around but there aren't very many honestly so that didnt work. It sucks that you have to deal with it full time. Is she there every weekend also? Is there any activities she could be involved in that would take up alot of time so she would be there less? I know that doesnt really solve the problem but at least it would be somewhat of a break?
I'm glad I'm not alone. I
I'm glad I'm not alone. I share your feelings as well. Yes, we have her on weekends too. She is involved in band. Unfortunately, the busy marching band season is coming to a close right now... but she is doing basketball band so maybe that will eat into some time. Thanks for your response.