Life with a Nut Job
So I was telling someone today that I should create a blog about the many adventures of my life while dealing with my husbands crazy ex. I was just joking at the time but then I got to thinking about it and thought it would be therapeutic. I cant fully vent to anyone and sometimes I feel like dealing with her crazy butt is making me crazy! I also just dont know what to do sometimes or how to go about handling things. Cue my membership to this site and my first blog.
a little background:
My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We have a son together and I have a 7yo boy from another relationship. Both of my boys live with us full time and my 7yo has not seen his biodad since he was 2 months i.e. never. My husband is in the process of adopting him which in itself is a whole other story and something I may post about another day for advice.
My husband has a son who is 5 years old. His ex wife moved out of state when my SS was 10 months old and my husband was stationed in the military and obviously not able to follow her. So we are in different states which make visitation very hard and costly.
I am frustrated because we have been in court with this witch for almost 3 straight years and she has pulled every manipulation in the book to avoid letting either one of us have a relationship with my SS. The latest was finding a therapist for hire who she pays cash to who told theh court that SS has such severe seperation anxiety from Biomom that extended visits were not in his best interest and my husband should have to travel out of state for weekend visits regularly. Now that my husband has been doing so the judge ordered increased visitation at the discretion of the therapist. SS would suposedly tell the therapist "I dont want to spend the night with my dad" and the therapist would say we have to respect the 5yo childs wishes. My husband asked his son why he doesnt want to stay with daddy and his son said "because bob told me not to" (bob is one of the numerous men that mom is with). my husband brought this up and was told "it doesnt matter" by the "therapist".
however, lately my SS has apparently been voicing a desire to come visit his dad. When biomom found out about this she had to find another way to manipulate the visits so I became her target.
I have never liked her because she is a horrible mom. She uses her child as a pawn to obtain her needs and is probably the most bitter, hate filled, miserable person you have ever met despite her multiple xanax a day. She is just one of those people who you can sense is just so ugly inside.
She has never wanted me to have a relationship with SS. I am not allowed to talk or skype with him, and before the judge put a stop to it, if I was in the car during a pick up, my husband was not allowed to see his child.
When we do have my SS he takes awhile to warm up to me but then he comes around and wants to hold my hand and even started calling me "Mommy Jane". He says "I love you" to me and seems to really want my attention. I can tell there are some off things about him sometimes but im not surprised because of who his mother is.
After he started asking about "Mommy Jane" in front of his biomom, the therapist demanded "I stop forcing him to call me mommy as I was causing him trauma". The visit after that he started to say "Mommy Jane" but stopped, shook his head, and said "No my mom said I am not allowed to call you that". Biomom also would call me when we had him for visits and accuse me of "failing as a stepparent" because we had plans for the "only time of day she was available" to skype, etc... or she would call and accuse me of hurting her son. When I do let her skype o talk to him she guilt trips him to the point of tears about him being away from her. It is sad to watch.
I have backed off from trying to have a relationship with SS because I am accused of things at every turn and I just have no fight left. It is too much drama. He hasnt been to our house in almost a year and I have not seen him since May.
However, now that SS is wanting to visit his dad at our home, she is accusing me of being the cause for SS's supposed behavior regression after visits when I am around and saying that I am not the step parent I need to be and it is my attitude and behavior and the horrible way I treat her son that affects him. so badly. She said it is no wonder that when visits are without my presence that SS does so well etc... (mind you a few short months ago it was the "seperation anxiety" that was the reason for his behavior after visits. Now, even though I havent seen my SS, it is my treatment of him that is the problem.
I sent her a text message telling that her lies and accusations were old and that I have always been kind to my SS and have never treated him badly or differently. I told her that just because I think she is a bitter selfish disturbed excuse for a mother does not mean that my SS will ever know that from me or be treated differently. I brought up the fact that she has tried her hardest to keep my SS away from his father and family and that I have never been allowed to be a stepparent by her. I told her that she needs to move on that we were over it.
She copied the text message to the therapist and attorneys and sent it to them saying that they all need to know my "true colors".
Everyday she comes up with something new that I have done or something new to complain about. I feel like I am going nuts! I shared maybe 5% of the crap she has done over the past 3 years with you guys. I just dont know what to do anymmore.