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This is a small thing and I should let go, right?

childlessSM's picture

Just a petty vent this morning.

My husband refers to his former wife as "Mommy" when he's talking to his 9-year-old daughter. As in, "did you have a nice weekend with Mommy?" "Mommy sure is happy to see you!" "Mommy and I will be at the talent show..." "Mommy said you had fun yesterday..."

It's like nails on a chalkboard.

Is there any benefit to my husband referring to his former wife as "your mom" instead of "Mommy" when he's talking to his daughter? I honestly don't know.

I realize that it's probably nice for his daughter to hear, so I'm going to let go.

Anne Boleyn's picture

This irritates the crap out of me too. You don't get to call her the former pet name when you are divorced. And do teenagers refer to their mother as "mommy"? Ridiculous.

childlessSM's picture

My thinking is that when parents are married, referring to each other as "Mommy" and "Daddy" seems natural. When they're divorced, "your mom" and "your dad" seems natural.

I have to keep in mind that my husband is going to do what he thinks is best for his daughter. Old habits die hard, I guess. But it's been four years!

childlessSM's picture

My husband does do a bit of the baby talk. Not as much as he used to - I had a talk with him about it and explained that it's healthy for him to encourage his daughter to grow up and be independent. But even when the baby talk isn't there, he says "Mommy."

His daughter calls her mom "Mommy" still, which I think is odd because she's almost 10, but it's really none of my business. I guess whatever my husband chooses to call his former wife is none of my business either, but it irks me!

jumanji's picture

My boss and her sister are in their late 40s/early 50s - and they refer to their parents as "Mommy" and "Daddy". Diff'rent strokes.

With my two? Sometimes I said "your Dad" and sometimes it was just plain "Dad". He is who he is to our kids. No clue how he referred to me. But, IMO? This really is kind of nit-picky.

ESMOD's picture

The thing that would bother me might not be so much the fact that he calls her mommy.. which is what her daughter calls her.. but the context in which he is using the word.

 

Mommy and I are going to be at...  That makes it sound like they are together and attending as a couple. that would bother me.

Mommy said you had a good time...  That infers to the child that mommy and daddy are having conversations ... small talk and not about a necessary issue. 

Rags's picture

thing. My mom is 73 and my Aunt is 71 and they still refer to my grandfather as Daddy.  For some reason it is not as prevelent for adults to call their mother's mommy.  My mom and Aunt dont.

In the context of the OPs comment... I would be more in line with "your Mother" rather than either "mommy" or "your mom".  It helps establish and maintain boundaries.