I think separating your finances is a very wise move - and long overdue. When income levels are so different, you are bound to run into problems.

My advice would to be get with an attorney (on your own) and get some advice on how to protect your income and assets - to include your "ours" kid. Part of that discussion should be about preventing BM from considering your income as something she is entitled to for the skids.

It seems somewhat ridiculous for the court to decide your DH who has a take home pay of $1800 (considered poverty line?) will have to pay CS, 1/2 of medical and expensive extracurriculars ... and then be saving so that he can pick up the tab for 50 percent of future college costs? How in the world did they figure out THAT math?? Unless, of course, they were considering your income as part of the equation ... don't know how that works in every state.

In any case, get some legal advice for yourself FIRST. And then talk to your DH about what you want to do. The priority is to use your own earnings to take care of yourself and your own child financially.

Oh, and your will and advance directives should be part of that ... if you haven't done so already. Protect your child, first and foremost.

Oh, and your will and advance directives should be part of that ... if you haven't done so already. Protect your child, first and foremost.

DH was perfectly happy letting what was mine be his kids. We were in the same boat--me making more and him not being able to pay all the skid expenses on his own. And then he'd decide well yes, he'd pay half of an out of town overnight field trip or half the senior dues and it was when he decided that he supported OSD only working 20 hours a week going into her freshman year of college so she could pursue her passion of theatre by being in a summer play which then left "him" on the hook for that much more tuition money that I sat down and made a budget. It showed him clearly in the negative and I had him give me 100 percent of what was leftover after CS and medical expenses and told him if he was feeling generous, he could make these decisions and pay for it out of what he had leftover after meeting his financial obligations to our household. And I was extra fair by dividing expenses according to our income percentages, so I paid 60 percent of everything and he paid 40. Given that the skids cost us money when they were here, I should have split it 50/50.

Once he saw on paper that he would be living in a cardboard box without me, he actually became very angry for a long time, accusing me of deliberately trying to make him broke. There was zero gratitude for the extent to which I'd been carrying him and his kids, or acknowledgment that I should be consulted before he made his generous offers. But I stuck to my guns. You want to live here--here's how much you put into the household expenses pot. You think you can do better out there, go live in that box. I wasn't the one who thought it it would be fun not to use BC with a crazy woman I wasn't even living with and just let whatever happens happen. "Whatever " costs a lot of money, and I wasn't working 50 hours a week so Whatever could work 20 to give her time to pursue her passion.

That was five years ago now and he's more on board. His CS obligation dropped by about $200 a month when Whatever turned 21, and that got him into the black on our household finances and gives him some pocket money. I still hear about how little money he has and my answer is always "yep, a condom would have saved you a lot of money."

I strongly urge anyone considering marrying into a step situation to get a pre-nup, especially if you are the higher earner.

Separate your finance immediately, go the way you plan, you already pay more for your house hold then DH, and you carry your kids alone....

DH can always ask for CS to be re looked at and if he can't afford extra things, then he can't, no law say you have to. if BM wants to enroll her children in everything she can pay for it.... if DH can't.

Oh hon and invoice DH for the 800 a month, it's only beneficial for you if anything should go wrong, DH being bankrupt, leaving you or what ever....

Thens top worrying what and what not DH can afford..

Definitely separate finances and definitely get a post-nup.

I would fight tooth and nail if anyone tried to force me to pay for someone's college, even if it was my own kid. I don't know when that crap started or how the family courts have gotten away with it.

DH and I have always had separate finances. He pays me a certain amount a month for his share of the bills. When SD was a minor, he paid child support and some medical but no extras, he just didn't have the money (not that she did anything extracurricular). There's no way he could have paid for college (not that she went to college).

I really don't know how they can expect some men to pay for expensive sports (that BM signs them up for, usually on her own), on top of CS and medical, AND pay for college. Some just don't have the means and frankly, extracurriculars and college should not be mandatory.

I agree with everyone on here separate your finances ASAP. My SO and I are moving in together and already had many conversations about who is paying what. I told him we are not married you pay for your son when it comes to Childcare, extra activities, medical, and so on and so on. That may change in the future depending on how the relationship evolves and how bonded I get with his son.

I also told him when we get married I want a pre-nup because I have make more money and have money in retirement accounts and in case things do not work out I do not want him to have rights to what I have earned and saved. Vice versa. He is totally on board with it as he understands protecting one self in case things may not be happily ever after.

DH and I had a "joint" account (aka my account but he had access). Now it is separate, no more card for him. He gives me X amount for the couple bills he is in charge of a he buys one of our dog's food. Whatever couple cents he has left, he usually spends on stupid stuff. Not my problem. I am generally the one to notice if the skids need something (socks, undies, a new pair of shoes or a swimsuit for summer...) so I have been telling him in advance, so he can come up with the money and take care of it (or hand me the money and I will do it.) I am getting better at not buying necessities for them (besides food, which is part of our financial agreement. Although, if I am feeling nice, I will buy them a little gift on occasion.

Once I smartened up a little financially, I started sleeping better. I even insured my dog because I knew if anything happened DH wouldn't be able to help.

I typed out a budget and then sat down with him. That is the cheap way. Or, as others mentioned, see a lawyer.