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Lazy Ass Stepkids

Fed up Step's picture

I am new to this forum. I found it while typing angry searches in the google search bar. So I have been married to my wife for 2 years. She has 3 children, a 10 year old boy and 2 daughters ages 11 and 15. They can be good kids but they are so lazy that it makes me want to punch holes in the walls. We have tried reinforcing helpful and constructive behavior in so many ways, such as allowances and trying to talk them up, grounding them, taking phones, or just helping them with their chores or whatever is asked of them. They absolutely refuse to do anything until we end up having to show out asses. When they are doing their chores they half ass EVERYTHING. I have had it. I came home from work today and had all the lights are on in the house. Doors are open (ac is on) deliveries sitting on the porch. And they have evaded me by leaving with friends before I could tell them to do anything. I am to the point I want to whoop asses. I do not care if they like me but they WILL respect me. My wife is a passifist and would rather baby talk these fucking teenagers. I want to show them the fear of god and break their fucking phones and video games. The phones just make them dumb as fuck anyway. Does anybody have any suggestions before I end up ruining my marriage over these lazy ass sons a bitches? Thanks

Comments

Evil4's picture

Does your DW back you up if you issue consequences? I say go for cancelling their phones and all that but if you DW coddles her kids and undermines you, you're in a losing battle.

You don't have a SK problem. You have a DW problem. Have it out with her first. In private. 

CLove's picture

Direct it here. Get calm and then have a BIG talk with your Dear Wife. She needs to step up and parent them. What about their father? What is their visitation schedule.

Many parents who are split up parent out of fear or guilt. Trust me, read my blogs, that doesnt work.

You can try parenting them but there will be a lot of pushback (again read my blogs) and you will be the "bad guy" in all this, they will gang up on you, play victim and then nothing improves.

Consequences to actions.

Onanisland's picture

I recently had it out with my SO over this issue and he's now all over them about it, daily. And double checking it's done correctly before I walk in and check. Nothing was working for us - Praise, threats, teamwork, punishments... So unfortunately it is now their dad's job to act like their manager. If it doesn't get done HE has to answer to me, and his children answer to him. Might sound weird but it's working. There's not much drama about it, just him having to nag, remind and praise all day long. Hope you can get your wife on board!

24 years as a SM's picture

Has or had the same issue with skids at teenage years and beyond. Take the advise from the other STalkers, talk with you wife, because she is the main problem. Lazy skids equals lazy parenting. No one ever said being a parent was easy, it's damn hard and you have to be the parent, not the damn skids friend. Too many Bio parent act like their kids friends and you end up with entitled lazy shits the rest of their lives.

 If my DAH (Dumb A$$ Husband) would have stepped up as parent and not been a Disney Dad, I sometimes think SD39 would have turned out better. It doesn't get better, not unless your wife starts parenting these entitled Lazy shits.

lieutenant_dad's picture

First, figure out how to mitigate the rage. Therapy, anger management, whatever. Yes, kids need to be respectful, but you don't have to be violent and rage-filled to do it.

Second, they're not going to respect you and your home so long as their mother allows them to be lazy and disrespectful. They've been taught that how they act is okay, and they've been taught that by their mother. Your beef is with her, not them.

Third, yes, this will ruin your marriage because your WIFE, not SKs, doesn't have enough respect for you to be less lazy when it comes to her own kids. 

I'm not saying their behavior is okay, but they're acting how any unparented kid would. They're acting off instinct, not instruction. If you want them to act off instruction, then your wife has to actually parent. If she won't actually parent, then you need to consider cutting the problem off at the source by dumping the root of the problem: your wife.

And finally, since your wife is the problem, take all that language about ass whoppings and beating on the kids and replace "kids" with "wife". If you wouldn't say it about her, don't say it about her kids. She's the problem, so if you're not willing to put the "fear of God" in her and beat sense into her, then you shouldn't say it about your SKs. 

tog redux's picture

So - you want to beat them, she wants to talk to them - how about meeting in the middle somewhere?