After almost 3 and half years I have went from hopefully cautious to just freaking disgusted and fed up. I wish almost, that I would have never given him a chance and went on that first date. I thought it would be fine - of course, I never ever ever planned or wanted to live with him and didn't think I'd have to. After both of us being homeless for 8 months the low cost housing I found had to have a 2nd person on the lease (I don't know why considering how many of our neighbors lived by themselves, guess they had someone lie and say they were on the lease/living there.) So I had to have him move in. That pretty much started our fighting. Two adults, two kids, 2 cats in a small 2 bdrm 1 bath. The noise, noise, noise! The kids are not happy or entertained unless they're staring at a damn TV or playing with a tablet, watching stupid crap and listening to terrible music. It doesnt help that BF SNORES like a chain saw. So I get no sleep when they skids are around for sure, and not a lot when he's around either. The youngest acts like a baby. Talks like a baby. And has no brain whatsoever. Selfish, spoiled, and she HAS to have attention. We can not sit down in our apt with other adults and have conversations with them without her crawling on the BF and poking at his face and putting her head an inch away from his, to make sure she's the center of his attention. In front of guests! And instead of him disciplining her and telling her that when we're talking to adults it's not 'her time' he just lets her keep on doing it. He lets them run through the apt and jump and rough house. The cats are stressed out by them I think. Their room (which is bf's room) is filthy and has food everywhere generally. Clothes everywhere on the floor. This leads to the cats thinking it's another litter box when it gets disgusting. And I have a theory I have to keep track of. The kids running around and bothering them leads to them hiding in the bedroom with me (yes I hid in my bedrm cuz they take over the living room in our small apartment) and since the living room is where the litter box is, they pee on the bathroom rug because they don't want to go anywhere near where the kids are running around. I yell at them to stop running in the apartment. They know not to run. I've always told them not to run, jump, or rough house in the apt. They can go outside. We selected our place because it has a big private backyard. Do they go outside? No. 'They're Bored outside' or 'there's bugs outside.' They do not want to do anything except for TV/electronics. I have given up and refuse to clean their & their dad's bedroom anymore. I'm very OCD about everything being clean and organized. I grew up in a house that is 'full' of crap. He says he did too (I call bs, because his divorced parents have very clean and very little possessions) but yet I have to fight with him to get him to help out with the cleaning. We split everything and take turns cleaning. He acts like it is terrible to make the children clean or pick up after themselves. My rear car windows (we only have one running vehicle, MINE, and I've been doing all the driving for over a year because he lost his license) are filthy with their grubby finger marks all over them from last winter. Here it is OCT and after asking for MONTHS, he still hasn't cleaned my windows. My car has gotten destroyed from them. The rear doors are coming off the frame and are filthy. The backs of my seats have gotten kicked and are dirty too. Of course he doesn't care cuz his vehicles were always filthy and unkept. I'm currently staring at dry ramen noodles all over the living room (god forbid they eat at a table instead of in front of the TV...) I told him to tell them not to run in the apt this weekend. He refused, saying they're playing. I told him, there is a HUGE, MASSIVE, half an acre backyard they need to be doing that in. But nope, them playing outside is just not good enough for the princesses. We've had multiple fights were he's told me I know nothing about children because I don't have my own, and that I get no say in anything about them. Biggest crock of crap I've ever heard. Babying them like he does and letting them sit all day/weekend long in front of a TV is more damaging to their bodies and minds that yelling at them to go outside and play and making them 'do things.' Also when I have tried to bring up anything like how he's the parent and is suppose to be teaching them common sense things like turning off lights and not letting the water run, or to wear warm clothes when it's snowing, "THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE!" He says.

So i'm about done. If I have no say in how they act in what is HALF my apt, with HALF my things in, and my car is the only one being destroyed, I just don't feel like he respects me or the fact that if he really wants me in my life, I can't come second and be treated like shit because of them. I'm not second rate or just 'a roommate.' If I was rich, I would have moved out months ago. I want my own place that will stay clean, and my things won't get destroyed, or jumped on, or trashed. The cats wouldn't be stressed and make messes because they feel 'trapped.' He took them for two weeks to his mom's place and it was me and the cats by myself. Best time ever. I seriously didn't want him to come back. I started having anxiety and getting angry because the peace and quiet was going to be shattered. Everytime they're coming to stay with us, I try to work more and late. I don't want to go home, to my own freakin' home! If I didn't care about him so much, and if he wasn't my favorite person - he is pretty perfect for me, but unfortunately he had kids (that he didn't even want, he just didn't think to speak up for himself and say he didn't want kids, or wear a condom.) He's known since the beginning of our relationship, I don't want kids, to get married, or to live with who I'm dating. Learned that after years of being engaged and having to break it off. I feel we'd be a lot happier like the first two years of our relationship when we had separate places and I didn't HAVE to be around his spoiled, crazy children. I tried to hang out with friends and bring them, and after HOW PSYCHO they'd act when we'd go to friends (who even have kids and toys and a kid's room to play in) I decided I'm never doing anything with my friends and bringing them. If I had my own place, I could hang out with friends when I wanted to and use weekends to myself to relax and have 'me time.' Between living with him and half our weekends with kids, I don't have time for much of the things I want to do with my life. The last year and half has been hell. I'm hoping and looking for a supppper cheap place by myself, but because it's a college town, rents are inflated and overpriced. I think all this venting has helped. We'll see.