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Full time step parent

Estepmama's picture

Hi All,

Hopefully others are in the same position that I am.  I met my step son when he was 2.  His parents adopted him and then divorced a year later.  After many custody trials and Superior Court appeals, his Dad and I have had primary physical custody of him since he was 5.  His AM moved to her boyfriend's (now husband's) house over an hour away and she sees him Wednesday nights until 7:30 and every other weekend.  My SS and my sons (26 and 24) and I are so bonded.  We are a really close family.  Unfortunately, AM and SD constantly try to undermind mine.  They tell SS that "it's a fact that I am only his step mom and my sons are his step brothers."  His only "true" brother is AM and SDs five year old son.  They manipulate him so much.  It;s their choice to live far away and not move back to him but they make him bear the responsibility of their move.  He always has to text or call them.  He has to play video games with SD online.  They try to make their presence known wherever he's involved.  At school and with sports, they want everyone that she is his mother and I am only SM.  That's fine but I am the one doing everything for him.  He's with me constantly.  AD has meetings one or two nights a weeks and he's with me.  I do the driving to practices and activities.  I get him school ready.  Put money in his lunch account.  Buy his clothing and shoes.  Do EVERYTHING for him and yet they diminish my role in his life.  My husband always tries to be in the middle and not push back but I get so frustrated.  

Any comments would be appreciated.


Siemprematahari's picture

AM can only diminish you if you allow her power to do so. Whatever AM says or thinks is not your concern. She is feeling very insecure in her role because you are doing all the foot work and doesn't want you to get credit for something she should be doing. I know this can take an emotional toll but keep in mind that she's doing this so you can doubt yourself, feel lack of support, and become resentful.

Continue doing all the wonderful things that you are doing because the child will usually see what’s truly going on. It may not fix or stop AM but it will increase the odds if one parent is trying. Parents needs to do what is right for the child and the child will see that.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Ignore the wh0re and keep being awesome.

That's what I have to do. Because our BM is psycho too... And I'm the one raising the kids while she's doing who knows what (drugs... She's doing drugs.)

Laurabelle1013's picture

I hate it when people say "Just keep doing the right thing, the kids will eventually see BM for who she really is." NO THEY WON'T!! What happens is you put in all the long days juggling work, SD's schedule, helping them be the best individuals they can be. In the end they feel like their mom is the best thing ever created and you will always be a nothing to them! I have seen it for 20 yrs now, different kids, different situations, ALWAYS the same results!!! BM sits back and looks pretty, you have raised her kid, you have done all the hard work. You get NOTHING out of the deal, other than feeling like you're doing the right thing.