Again we only get one side, and while I understand the BM is claiming it’s the “laundry detergent” maybe BM is a heavy smoker and the kid’s clothes stink after being at moms or maybe at moms she douses herself in perfume.   Maybe the SM is trying to be diplomatic to protect the child’s feelings   Spawn lived with us, but when she would come back from Meth Mouth’s she would reek of cigarette smoke and “baby whore” perfume.  DH would make her take a shower and Spawn would do her own laundry, but even after washing her clothes still smelled like old smoke and “baby whore”.  It go where you could start smelling it on the furniture where she would lay all day as well.  

What an easy way to annoy the other house!   Dad should buy clothes one outfit  for skids that go back and forth in exchange days.  He should do their laundry.  
 

I also had a BM that sent skids over in dirty clothes that smelled. Drove my lungs nuts but it was "Stinky kids with a cat " smell. I have a dust allergy.    I demanded they shower and change every time  they came over.  PITA but funny how BM started cleaning up once DH told her he didn't want his kids to be the "stinky " kids at school and that he paid enough CS for them to be clean.  I'm sure the skids complained about it to her too.  Image management can be used to against a BM.   
 

All those fragrances they put in laundry products are unnecessary IMO.  

I am sensitive to some fake scents and use unscented things as much as possible. They can make me nauseous.

I don't understand why they are sending clothes back and forth...maybe for sports? If clothes pile up in one house and an exchange is needed (this happened to us when they were younger)?

I think the dad in this case needs to handle the clothes and re-washing beause sending new detergent is too much. Or, stop the clothing exchange if possible and make sure kid has clothes at both homes.

I saw this. I understand it. BM used to have her entire house smell like this weird incense I could never identify & she obviously loved. I often wondered if she used it to dull the scent of weed; it was that strong. SD's clothes reaked of it & I couldn't stand it. Worse, she used cheap laundry detergent, so the clothes never really rid of the smell. I always had SD change immediately so that "clothes would be clean to return to Mom's". 

That being said, I can't imagine telling BM she had to use my Tide, even when I really wanted too. Pretty sure this falls under parenting difference, especially since it is not Dad with the issue. 

Ugh. BioHo uses a laundry detergent that masks everything. NO idea what smell she's trying to cover up, but that stuff was so potent, you could probably pour the shizzit on a squirting skunk sac and stop skunk smell in its tracks. Nothing like driving around in subzero temps with the windows down because ALL of us had sinus headaches. The SSs finally refused to let 'Ho wash their clothes with it and bought their own detergent. Pssssst.... same brand we use and DH is a smoker. *unknw*

We don't know the whole situation, and I don't know the answer. But, what I do know is that sending the dirty clothing to school is not a viable solution.

Backpacks are for school materials, not your dirty clothing. Dirty clothing should not be in a child's school backpack. No child should have to root through their dirty underwear to find their homework.

Dont send it in an extra bag with the dirty clothing to the school. School lockers are not big enough for extras. They are barely big enough for essentials. And if it's an elementary school, like those here, with a coat closet, there's no room for extra bags. 

Dammit, the guy needs to do the obvious, wash the damn clothes himself. His wife can't stand the smell of the soap. Why should his ex change her habits and why should his wife have to deal with a smell that upsets her so much? Is it going to kill him to do a bit of laundry? It's part of taking care of his kids. 

Dad's picky bride should not be the XWs problem nor should the XW give this one microsecond of considaration.

As for sending the bride's preferred detergent to BM;'s house... Lol.

BM should send clean clothes using whatever detergent BM wants to us. Daddy can run the clean clothes through a quick rinse and toss htem in the dryer with SM's preferred dryer sheet. 

That this is a thing at all is just pathetic.

IMHO

If SM had an acutual allergy or environmental chemical sensitivity, then the request would have some legitimacy though the request would be for the free and clear detergent options.  Even then, environmental allergy issues in her XH's home is not BM's problem.

In steplife everything becomes a sitch.

I agree with the camp that dear ol daddio should be doing the laundry.

Could it be BM amping up the scents cause she knows SM has sensitivities? Or is SM an evil being?  Daddio should have never asked BM to change detergent or have a child lug dirty clothes to school. Humiliating for the skid.

Funny how in the reddit article  people are weighing in is it BM or SM that is the problemo. Like naturally its the women making the issue.  DH holds this one for sure.

There is no way I would want to send kids (either my DD or my skids) to school with dirty clothes in their backpacks.  It could stink up the backpack, the backpack could be opened and the child embarrassed - just no.  I'm a nice, reasonable person, so if I was told that someone in the other house was reacting to our laundry detergent, I would have no problem washing the clothes going to that house in a free and clear unscented laundry detergent.  If they wanted to supply me with free laundry detergent that was something I'd be willing to use on my own clothes (because skid laundry goes in with other stuff), all the better.  So long as no one in the other house had control issues or a history of trying to control things in our home, I'd be fine with it.  If I had reason to believe they were just trying to control my household, I'd continue to wash in my chosen detergent.

Edited to add:  A lot of people are saying dad should do the laundry.  That's certainly an option, but in our house there's a division of labor that's not going to be upset because of issues presented by the other house.  I do the laundry.  I do my laundry in a particular way at particular times (mostly during DH's work hours due to when our water softener flushes and other hot-water uses occur). I don't want DH in my laundry room and I'd rather he spend his "chore time" doing other things around the house.  DH doing the laundry would probably bug me more than sending dirty clothes to school in a backpack!

If I am understanding correctly, it sounds like the parents have 50/50, or at least each parent has stuff for the kid at their own home. If that is the case and we're talking about ONE outfit per week switching homes, why even need to get the original outfit back RIGHT THEN???

The kid is old enough to be in school and old enough to not lose their clothes between houses at school. Why do the parents feel the need to be SO strict about this one outfit? That screams high conflict to me that one or both sets of parents can't just be cool with one set of clothing they bought being at the other parent's house. Like, the BM is concerned about not embarassing her kid with unclean clothes, and it sounds like BF doesn't want to send her in unclean clothes either, so I assume they are sending her to school is school-appropriate, size-appropriate, and age-appropriate clothes.

To me, the solution is for the parents (or the high conflict parent) to get over having that one outfit go back and forth and just let the kids wear their clothes. The kid will learn to be responsible for their own things. Plus, if there is a concern that one parent buys really nice stuff and the other doesn't, then the parent who buys thw really nice stuff just only allows those outfits to be worn on the days DD is coming back to their house and buys 1-2 cheaper "transition day" outfits that they are fine with going to the other parent. Then just redress the kid in those clothes the following week so they end up back at the first parent.

This seems needlessly hostile but I can't figure out who the hostile one is (could be both sides). It could be that BM uses strong scented laundry soaps. Could be that DD smells bad from BM's house and this was BF's way of politely giving BM real laundry soap (been there). Or maybe SM hates BM and just does everything she can to be petty and make life difficult. Or BF is a lazy dude and expects his wife to do everything and only agreed to argue this so he didn't have to do laundry (and threw his wife under the bus in the process). I'm more inclined to believe that BM is the issue since BF is willing to pay to fix the problem (i.e. give her laundry soap) and BM went to AITA even though two reasonable solutions had been presented. Like, how bad does the kid smell that their clothes would smell THAT bad? If the kid is clean, their clothes should be reasonably clean if only worn once. Toss them in a plastic bag and tie it off. Or BM could wash them at the beginning of the week and lay them out so the scent dissipates. Or yes, BF could just rewash the clothes if they're that bad.

It's just stupid.