Does DH really want to parent his child??
After what happened earlier this week with SS14 and DH I think I've come to the final conclusion that DH really doesn't care to be a parent. I think he prefers to be fun dad and let everyone else parent his dumba$$ son!!
DH never sticks to any punishments because he "forgets" and wonders why SS continues with his behavior.SS14 says he "forgets" whenever you ask him about his behavior.
Now that I have finally realized what is happening I wonder what am I supposed to do with this now? I am not going to parent SS14 because he has a mother and father and I'm busy parenting my BD15 by myself. SS never listens to me anyway!
Do I dare say something to DH about this and risk a huge fight? I'd like to tell him that SS shouldn't come over anymore during the school year. Maybe we can have him a couple times of month so he can continue being fun. OR should I just leave it alone and continue down the road knowing SS is allowed to do whatever he wants. My biggest concern is BD15. She sees what is going on and the lack of punishment. She said the other day that if she disappeared like SS did that she would be grounded and in big trouble! She is correct!! I tell her that I am her mother and I make the rules for her. DH makes the rules for his son and we can't change that.
The resentment is building more and more!! DH wonders why I don't have a relationship with his kid...now I realize it's DH fault not really SS but SS is old enough to know better. He is a master manipulator!! We will never be a happy "family" and DH just doesn't get why!
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No. He doesn't. I had that
No. He doesn't.
I had that light bulb go on about a year back when I was slapped in the face with just that. OMG my brain said, DH is OK with his kid as he is, its ok he is mean, its ok she doesn't want to do homeword despite DH 'saying' school is important, its ok he never gets punished, its ok they act like that in public, its fine if they want to only eat junk, its .....
O.M.G friggin light bulb - and then it all made sense, all the fights with DH when I tried to reinforce the agreed up rules for my 2 bios and his 2 kids - he didn't want them to be enforced, he never did - he likes to talk the talk - to placade me?
I think DH WANTS all of it like he says, but he plans to do nothing to get it, and he doesn't want anyone to do anything to get there either.
DH and BM don't want to parent their kids or make any changes.
That is when I decided to back away entirely from that area.
Yes now I realize the times
Yes now I realize the times that DH did enforce some type of punishment it was for my sake. I don't think he wanted me to realize that he doesn't care. I know he would allow me to take over all the discipline for his kid but I don't think I should! Not my kid is right!!
I worry about the message this sends to my BD!!
I KNOW the only punishment
I KNOW the only punishment the skids get is 'for my sake'. Since I have backed off and stopped standing behind DH waiting for him to do something, nothing is done now, nothing.
DH will not allow me to take over - when we first moved in this is what he told me - but when I started to treat his kids like mine - he all of a sudden changed his mind - he wanted the results but not the changes to get the results.
My BDs sometimes struggle too, how come they don't have to ..... or how come they get to .... now BD12 has changed to, why doesn't DH tell SS6 not to ..... or why didn't DH stop SD12 from .....
I just tell my bios, I don't know why - its up to DH, he is his\her parent and I am yours and as your parent, I want the best for you and what I think is best for you will result of me not letting you or stopping you from ...
**LIKE** Agree Here. I had
**LIKE**
Agree Here. I had the same lightbulb moment with my DH. I made the mistake of telling him that he doesn't parent his child but rather is the brats only friend, which of course, they don't want to hear so I would say it outload but as 3Families did...that's when I took down the chore chart for his children that just irriated me because they always got the rewards offered but never did the work...and just checked out with his. If I know they will be doing something that I don't DS to see I just leave with him or hide away with him (luckily he's only 2 so it's not weird for him when mommy says "lets have a pj and popcorn party in mommy's room tonight")
Good luck. It hard when they want the kids but they don't want to be a parent. It's a little easier when you just see it for what it is and let it roll off you thought. Good news...he's not worried about the little snot ever being a good grown man so you don't have to stress it either.
In theory dh wants to parent
In theory dh wants to parent ss. However he does not want to parent him in the way he needs to be parented. Ss needs almost 24/7 supervision- sad but true. An infant or toddler needs less supervision than ss because they do things like nap and such yet they don't smoke weed or steal panties. He does not wish to parent ss in this manner- which heck I sure don't want to either. He wants to parent a good well behaved kid who does what he is told, doesn't lie or steal, gets good grades and isn't an all around asshole. Oh, yeah he wants to parent my kids, just not ss.