Yeah, if my life was a movie, the dude at the rental store would have a hard time trying to classify it. Is it a comedy? Or is it a horror? Because it shares the attributes of both.

Last weekend was one of those rare weekends where SS was with us. SS asked if he could have some friends over. DW said he could but only if he helps us clean the house.

Apparently, “cleaning the house” means playing on his iPad and trying on some Halloween costume he got. I was less than pleased, and I was about tell SS that unless he actually does some ACTUAL cleaning, I was going to call his friends myself and tell them not to come over…

But then DW got all hot and excited when she found out that one of the friends that SS wants to bring over is Vicky,…(aka “the-not-my-girlfriend-friend). Honestly I don’t know what to call her. In the past year since I found out about her, I have seen her all of once. Solar eclipses are more common than sightings of Vicky. Although if social media is to be believed, Vicky and SS are an "item".

Anyways, when DW found out that Vicky was coming over, she started jumping up and down as if we were about to get a visit from Justin Timberlake, or Chris Hemsworth. Suddenly the house didn’t just have to be clean, it had to be prepared for this gala event.

DW asked me to go get some candies and snacks. I was going to do so anyways since Halloween is coming up but then DW asked me if I could swing by the liquor store.

I think it was around here where this parable goes south.

The liquor store that I frequent was having a sale. So I decided to stock up.

I should know DW well enough that when DW is excited over something, giving her access to lots of alcohol is a recipe for disaster, as was evidenced on our last camping trip.

Okay, now that I have set the stage, let’s fast forward to the evening.

I hardly said more than two sentences to Vicky. The extent of my conversation with her was “Hello! How are you?” and “Would you like something to drink?”. Apart from that, I allowed SS and his friends some QT alone time in the basement, playing XBOX, looking at some YouTube videos, sharing stuff they found on their cells, hanging out, etc. It was just SS, Vicky and two other teen boys. They all seem to know each other quite well and were chit-chatting about this and that and seemed content to just hang out.

Little BS and BD were quite enthused with the visit and took a shine to SS's friends and spent most of the evening in and out of the basement. I would go down now and then to check on them and each time, there was nothing amiss.

DW OTOH….If you have been reading my blogs with any kind of regularity you will know by now that DW fancies herself as the “cool Mom” who can hang out with the teens. Unfortunately, a few glasses of the vino, topped with an overwhelming spike of curiosity say Vicky getting “cornered” by DW more than once.

“Ooh Vicky! I love your earings?! Wanna see mine?”

Vicky – for her part – was a true champ in trying to humour the mother of her her boyfriend.

Except it gets worse as the evening went on and DW downed more glasses.

“I am SOOOOO happy SS hash you as his girlfwiend….I think you are really *hic* sweet. SS is sweet too but he better tweet you nice. He tweets you nice wight? He don’t tweet you nice you come see me okay? You can come see me for ANYTHING okay? ANYTHING at all….”

I tried twice, in the nicest way possible to hint that DW wasn’t just being a generous hostess anymore, but that she was being intrusive – in a creepy way. I could see it in Vicky’s face; the nervous, yet polite smile…SS (the oblivioys bleeping idiot that he is) didn't notice this at all, as he was spending most of his time oooing and gushing over some lame video the guys found on YouTube (and for once it wasn’t soft porn with zuchinnis).

At one point, it got late and BD wanted me to put her to bed and tell her a story like I normally do. So off I go to put BS and BD to bed. I ask DW to come help me. She never came, but continues to “hang out” with SS and his friends thinking she is one of the gang...

Later, I pull her to one side and say, in as polite a way as possible “I think you’ve had enough fun DW. Let’s leave SS and his friends alone now.”

DW stares at me momentarily. I am careful not to start an argument with her when she is in this state because that just sends her off the deep end – if she is not off the deep end already. In any case, I know I shouldn’t care.

I just really felt sorry for poor Vicky.

So I just give up and retreat upstairs to lie in bed and play with the laptop.

Four teens and DW were downstairs and DW was the loudest. Every now and then I can hear her lauging and shouting “Wooohooo!”.

Then the phone rings…

I check the clock. It’s 10pm. Who the hell could that be? I answer phone.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Is this SS’s father?”

“Actually I am Drac0. SS’s stepfather.”

“Oh! What a coincidence! Hi Drac0! I’m Bill, Vicky’s stepfather…”

And in my head I am thinking “Stepfather!? Holy crap! I now know twice as much information on Vicky than DW does!”

“Drac0, I am sorry to call so late, but Vicky just texted me to ask if she could stay at your place a little while longer. I just wanted to confirm with an adult if it was okay.”

‘Confirm with an adult?' I guess that means me.

“Yes Bill. It’s totally fine. Vicky, SS and – urm – my wife – are all downstairs having a good time.”

“Well that’s good to hear. I’ll text Vicky and tell her she can stay another hour. Have yourselves a good night!”

About 10 minutes after that phone call, I can hear some more laughing from DW. I can also hear SS shouting “Mom! Stop it Mom! Mom! Go AWAY!”

Suddenly, SS, Vicky and the other two boys bolt up the stairs like a herd of elephants and leave by the patio door. I was a bit unnerved by it because I was scared they were going to wake BS and BD. I go downstairs to find DW slumped on the couch.

I don’t know where SS and his entourage went but it was obviously to escape from DW. I go up to her and tell her that the kids are gone. DW looks up at me, smiles and and says “It's okay they’ll be back.”

Except they didn’t come back. They were gone for over an hour and it was around midnight before SS returned..I am certain Vicky and the other two made it back home safely.

Will we see Vicky again? Probably not before the next scheduled solar eclipse.