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Lies, Lies and more Lies

Don'tWantToGoHome's picture

Submitted by Don'tWantToGoHome on Mon, 12/08/2014 - 3:26pm

I am not new to being a SP, have been one for 10 years. Have three of them (SS, SS, SD) and the two oldest are now 18+ and have found it within themselves to lie about anything. In their actions they no longer find it necessary to follow rules, or tell the truth. For a bit, shutting down the WiFi worked miracles for getting their feet moving and chores and such done. Now, they are both out of school, totally ignore all the help they have been given on going to college, and find it within themselves to just lie.

Not sure where to go from here, hate even going home most nights. Try hard to avoid them when I can because I honestly do not know what to do next. I have tried everything I know to do.

Comments

Don'tWantToGoHome's picture

Submitted by Don'tWantToGoHome on Mon, 12/08/2014 - 5:00pm

There is the biggest of problems. I would, however mom will not. They truly have no where else to go which to me is fine, let them figure that out on their own. As you may know, if the married couple is not 100% agreeing on this, then they are 0% agreeing on this, which is where we stand today. If there was a glimmer of light that it was getting better, I would be on board. It is not and I cannot lie to myself again that it is . Truly a tough spot.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Mon, 12/08/2014 - 5:25pm

My dh has promised me, on his own initiative, that this will never happen. You should not be subjected to it, either. Ask your wife for a launch plan. What is the timetable and what are the steps she intends to take? Ask her how she envisions the next 2 years, the next 10?

If she says anything remotely resembling "well, of course, they'll have jobs by then and their own place" jump on it and enthusiastically start on the plan. "Ok, here are the want ads, how many job interviews will they complete by Friday?" etc.

If she doesn't even come up with something like that, tell her you're getting your own place because you can't live like this any more. Then do it. Everything else is details.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Mon, 12/08/2014 - 5:54pm

What Chief says...
Give her a chance to redeem herself. Then move out. Find an apartment (studio) and stay married. Just let her know you are not moving back until she is committed to being a wife more than a mother to grown children. Also before you move out you may want to separate your money from hers.

Let me guess, they never have had a part time job...right?