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demidee's picture

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and he has a 4 year old who spends the majority of the time with us. I love this little girl to death and treat her like she is mine. BM does take care of her financially (buys her clothes, toys, pays half of daycare), but in general isn't a "good" mom. She smokes weed around her and doesn't really spend time playing with her and reading to her like we do. I'm very interested in Power of attorney for a minor child, but I know that BM would not be on board. I just want it to make sure in case anything were to happen while I have her, and I really want to be involved as she is starting kindergarden next school year. Does anybody know if BM has to be on board? And I am only 19 years old, but very mature for my age. I'm a student double majoring in criminal justice and psychology and am just an overall very responible person. Does age affect it? I would just like some answers or advice on what I should do. We live in Florida, as I assume laws change from state to state.


demidee's picture

They don't have any custody agreement whatsoever. Her Dad owns his own company and is often at work and not able to be reached. Her Mom is just flat out unreliable. The baby is usually with me. I pick take her and pick her up from daycare, if she is sick her Mom takes her to the doctor but I am responsible for staying home with regardless of my school hours. An example of why I am so interested is last week her Mom was out of town. Her dad was doing business about an hour away. Her Mom had taken her out of town for a few days and when she came back the baby was complaining about pain in her privates. It turned out to be just an infection but I wanted to take her to the doctor just because I was concerned something might have happened while she was out of town. When she starts school I want to be able to be involved. My boyfriend is an AMAZING father. But neither of the baby's parents have had a great education and aren't as excited and aware as I am. I just want to make sure I can be involved when I want. I know where my bounderies are, but in reality, I spend more time with her then both of her parents and I would like a little more security if that makes any sense.

demidee's picture

He isn't out of town for long periods of time, but he works so hard and so long that sometimes he just doesn't have time and that's where I usually step in. I don't mind at all, in fact I love taking care of her, but I know that with her getting older and entering into the school systems, it might be harder for me to be involved. While I understand that these are temporary and can be renewed and that there could be big changes, I am looking more towards the future. For example, if there is a parent-teacher conference and my boyfriend is unavailable, I would still like to attend .. I just want to make sure I can be involved as much as possible when necessary.

anabihibik's picture

FDH's ex-wife has smoked weed around her son, too. She doesn't pay for anything for him. Nor, does she carry insurance on him like she is supposed to according to the co. FSS lives with us full time. There is no way I would ever be able to get a POA on him, and I'm 28 with two degrees making more than both of them combined and work in the medical field. There are times when it would be easier if I had such a thing if something happened but she would never consent to that. She blew a gasket that I chaperoned a field trip that they weren't going to be able to go on until I said I would go when she and FDH had to work. Why? Because SHE is his mom. And, at the end of the day, no matter how much I don't like what she does, I have to respect that. I have my boundaries, but I have to respect her, her relationship with FSS, and her place in his life. If I don't, he'll probably end up hating me and she'll cause a lot more drama. Can something crappy happen? Yes. But, we still have to respect their biological parent's place in their lives and their rights.

Believe me, I get wanting to go to conferences and stuff, but at the end of the day, it isn't worth the drama it will create. I love FSS. He's a sweet kid, and I wish he were mine so that every day were more consistent for him, but he isn't. I'm not his mom.

demidee's picture

Thank you. That's what I needed to hear. I do respect BM as a mother, because I know she loves her daughter. I don't respect the choices she makes, but I've learned that all that I control is what myself and my boyfriend provide for the baby. It's just so damn hard because me and FSD are so close and I sometimes have to step back and remind myself that she isn't mine. It's such a hard position to be put in, but regardless, FSD will know that I'm always here for her and I can help from home. Thank you so much for your input !

simifan's picture

I agree. You can get one from the internet & Dad just has to get it signed at a notary. I carry one, but it truth, no one has ever asked me for it & I am usually the one to take SD to the doctors.

hismineandours's picture

I had a poa to make medical and educational decisions regarding ss-dh had sole custody with bm having visitation. Dh was in Iraq and ss stayed with me instead of living with his mom. But as others said-I believe it said to make decisions in his absence. I dont know if bm even knew I had it-I was only asked for it once. I took him to the dr. many times and was never asked for it-I signed him for k-garten. The only time I was asked was he he had an IEP for speech therapy at school-dh was still present when iep was done so this was a review-she sent the papers home with ss and wanted a signature on them-I signed and she returned saying I couldnt sign only parent. I told her I had a poa and she said ok and left it at that. I dont think you will need a poa truthfully. If you want to take him to the dr-just have your so call and tell them you are bringing him. I've had my parents bring my kids to the dr. and they didnt need a poa. Also, if you want to be involved in school go ahead, but do it along with your so or with him calling the school and letting them know you are going in his place.

demidee's picture

Sad Thank you guys for your input. I've really been thinking about it, and I don't really need one. I just want so much to have some sort of legal say so in her life considering I am the one who is with her most of the time. My SO is an amazing father and plays with her constantly and provides us with everything, but because he is running his own business, I am with her most of the time alone. It's just so hard because I want her to be "mine" so bad .. and it's just never going to be like that Sad It doesn't change my relationship with her, but it would be nice just to have that authority!