The Breakup - Part 1
SO and I broke up about a week ago (see previous posts for details). We've been emailing and texting, I think to kind of test the waters and see if this is something that we really want. He sends me an email the other day, here are excerpts:
From SO:
The kids have no respect, and are lazy and spoiled.
SD14 asked if she could hang out with a friend after school. I told her yes if she's home by 5:30. I get a text from her at 5:25 asking if I could pick her up from her friend's house because she wouldn't make it home on time. I told her that she should have planned better and grounded her AGAIN for 2 days. She ended up getting a ride from another parent, who then said that she picked her up from a different person's house than who she told me she was going to hang out with. I'm now going to tell SD14 that she's grounded until further notice because the laundry is backed up so far that I don't even have underwear. She's not going anywhere until ALL of the laundry is done. (this is SD14's chore)
SD10 "forgets" to do the dishes and clean the kitchen (her chores). She has no problem doing them without question when I tell her to, but she's stopped doing them on her own when we get home. And they all do the bare minimum at anything I ask them.
End email.
These two situations have repeated themselves time and time again. I called SO last night with the intentions of having a light, pleasant conversation, but I just could NOT stop from opening my big mouth about the above issues. I just went off as my usual self and he didn't say much, but ended the conversation shortly after.
This morning he emails me saying he doesn't know what I'm doing, that we were supposed to have a light, pleasant conversation and I go into a tirade again. My response....
I guess I'm trying to decide for myself what I really want. And I can't sit quietly by and watch what you are doing as a passive observer. I thought I could, I thought I could just let you parent and not be affected by it, but I just can't. The way that (to me) you let the kids get away with what they do, with very little consequence, little consistency and no follow up drives me INSANE. OMG.....grounding for 2 days during the school week???? What is that??? That is NOTHING.
We have VERY different parenting ideas. And they do not mesh. At all. You do not want the kind of help I have to offer. I'm not sure why....it seems like you are having a tough time doing it alone. I think you want me to help with the kids, but keep my mouth shut when it comes to how you parent. That's a nanny, not a wife. And I can't do that. I think my ideas would nip some of this crap in the bud, but you aren't interested. OK, I get it. It sucks, but I get it. I love you and miss you. But, I can't live the way you live.
I read this site almost every day, and for all of you out there that are wondering if they should stick it out and those that have also just gone through recent breakups......you're not crazy, mean, selfish, or uncaring. You are stuck in awful situations where you are not getting the support from your SO that you deserve. Your skids are rotten because they had rotten parenting, not because you have entered their lives.
My SO has his 3 kids this holiday weekend because BM could care less about spending time with them. So have fun, SO, being with your disrespectful, lazy, spoiled kids. I'm going to a pool party Friday night and getting nails done with the girls on Saturday!
PEACE OUT
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Comments
Rock on! Good for you!
Rock on! Good for you!
You go girl! You hit the nail
You go girl! You hit the nail on the head when you said he needs a nanny not a wife. He has 2 lil wifes already that from what he said do all the cleaning and washing. Or not. LOL! Believe me when I say Dh and I have had plenty of fights over the lack of his parenting. Finally I just told him hang on cause I'm in the drivers seat now all I need you to do is back me up. And I took over and have dared anyone to say anything. The only thing I haven't got my way on is bed time for SS. DH said as long as he gets up good in the morning he can go to sleep when he gets ready. I let him have that one cause hes the one that gets SS up in the morning. SS has stop talking back and does what hes told when hes told with very little to no arguing. I look to see some changes in SS after Sat. because thats his first visit with BM in 1 1/2 years.
So, you broke up with him
So, you broke up with him because of frustration with his kids and his parenting......and he sends you an email moaning about his kids and updating you on his latest misguided parenting decisions? What was the point of that? And since he went to the trouble of offloading all that onto you by email why is he then surprised when you can't resist the bait and discuss it when he phones?
I'm sorry but if he can't make the emails about the two of you when you have just broken up and he presumably wishes to win you back and convince you that you have made a mistake, then there is NO HOPE. What ex want's to hear MORE about all the annoying behaviour that made them leave in the first place?
OK this is what I don't
OK this is what I don't get.... Daddio should be taking the freaking cell phone off the girl until she learns to be where she says she will be and home on time. BM was the same... she allowed OSS to keep his cell phone in case of an 'emergency'. How much of an 'emergency' would a 16 yr old be getting himself into if he was the church-going youth-group attending young man she said he was? Take the freaking phone away. Make them be where they say they are or else!
I would keep away from him until after the weekend. No texting, no phone calls ... just crickets chirping. Let him see what being a parent is all about!
We weren't married or living
We weren't married or living together. It was kind of a mutual breakup because I refused to spend more time making a 45 minute commute to where he lived to spend more time with the skids. After 3 years, it's time to poop or get off that proverbial pot, so to speak.
And yes, I'm almost 40 and the idea of dating again makes me want to crawl into a hole. However, I was married once before, and I had never felt so lonely. So it's better to be alone and happy with yourself, then with someone and miserable.
Yeah, I don't get why he would go on and on about the stuff that drove me CRAZY. No mention of devotion and love to me, just more about his spoiled kids. And he does the same thing about the cell, "oh she needs it in case of emergencies." What BS. If there's an emergency, there's plenty of ways to get in touch without having your own phone.
This is why I gave up. I couldn't just sit quietly and watch him parent his kids into teen pregnancy or future burger flippers. And he wasn't interested in my parenting ideas which involved consistency, discipline and (gasp) respect and manners among other things. Apparently those things make life just too hard for his pwecious wittle ones.