Hello Ladies and Gents,
A quick point form bio of myself and then I was hoping I may be able to get some advice from you wise Steppers.
- SO and I aren’t married but have been engaged for…. God I can’t even remember now lol, I think it’s been about 6 years engaged and coming up to 10years of being together.
- No bio’s and 3 Stepsons – 12stb13 in March, 17year old and 19stb20 in July.
- SS12 & SS17 live with BM and we have EOWE and SS19 has lived with us full time ever since BM kicked his arse out at 14. All 3skids have the same BM, thank God, I don’t know how you guys do it with more than one BM.
- I have a great relationship with SS12 & SS17, SS19 on the other hand, well, let just say we have a love-hate relationship and clash a lot.
- SS19 is a gamer, finished school and only just passed in 2013. He tried enrolling into the Airforce in January 2014 and was told to go away for 12months and get some life experience as you are too immature for the Airforce at the moment. In those 12mths all he has done is work a few hours a week at our local convenience store and game away in his room. He has another Airforce interview in a couple of weeks – crossing my fingers for a better result this time but not feeling very positive about it.
- I found StepTalk about 8 years ago and secretly tried to read stories on a daily basis so I do feel like I already know a lot of you and have also seen quite a few come and go. I only just became a member today after all this time because finally my employer has given me access to most sites on the net.
Hopefully this is enough of a bio to get started as I could be writing this first blog all day if I spew the drama that has happened over the last 10 years.
Now for some help: Punishments for adult skids that live under your roof.
We have very simple rules in our home and in the past when one of our rules were broken the main punishment for SS19 was no internet time. This was all good until 3 months ago when our internet had been discounted due to our home being under renovations. So now there is no repercussions for the attitude, the not picking up after yourself and the self-entitlement, it is just getting worse as the days go on. How do we punish a 19stb20 year old, who has no licence and no life?
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Comments
Yes, I guess your right and
Yes, I guess your right and he is too old for punishments. SO has told him that if he doesn't get into the Airforce this year he needs to get a fulltime job ASAP or he is out on his arse but I honestly don't think SO will follow through with this one. Although SO doen't let SS19 get away with much he knows he is not mature enough to be out on his own.
I don't have any bios so I find this one a little hard to answer but maybe you could help me. Would you ask your child to leave the family home if you knew he literally doesn't have anywhere to go?
Finding a job is where we are
Finding a job is where we are at the moment. But what to do in the meantime, just put up and shut up?
Take away the cell phone and
Take away the cell phone and ALL screen time. Esp for that entitled mouth I'm sure he has. I have an SD19 and an SD13. Where is Rags? I know he would love to chime in about making SS19 your live-in maid. Cores, chores, chores!!! Take the gaming systems and put them in your car. Make sure they go to work with you!
~ Moon
Thanks for your input Bark.
Thanks for your input Bark. Taking his cell phone away doesn't do anything as he doesn't have any friends and only uses his phone to talk to MIL and BM (I meant it when I said he has no life).
A live in maid would be great but not practical at the moment as my house is an absolute disaster because of the renovations, we are basically camping in our own home,we still have a couple more months before the builder is finished and internet gets put back on
He's a 19-year-old slacker. -
He's a 19-year-old slacker. - This statement is totally true and correct.
Time to give him a time frame
Time to give him a time frame to move out - AND then stick to it.
I think a nearly 20 year old
I think a nearly 20 year old is too old to punish.....
That being said, I would start charging him rent and giving him a daily honey-do list for around the house.
If you have wifi, change the password every day. He can have it when honey-do list has been completed.
If he bitches about not having enough money for rent, tell him to get a better job with more hours.
I don't have hopes for his chances of getting into the AirForce. They were looking for responsibility and it sounds like he hasn't taken any initiative to gain it. A full time or near full time job, perhaps a few community college classes and volunteer work would have been ideal.
Slacking at a few hours a week job and gaming the rest of the time.......yeah....not awesome.
If the AirForce interview doesn't go well, then he'll need a full time job and a deadline to be out on his own. His current situation is an enabling one and he will never rise up unless he is pushed.
My son (19) wanted to go into
My son (19) wanted to go into the Air Force. They basically laughed at him saying that you don't pick the Air Force, the Air Force picks you. He couldn't get into Army or Marines because he had taken ADHD medication when he was younger. That was an automatic out - or so that's what they told us. He did get into the Navy but had an asthma attack during basic and was sent home for medical reasons. Plan B - he works part time/almost full time, working every hour they will give him. He's a cook at Buffalo Wild Wings. I have to say, even though it's not a great job, he is doing his best. So much so, while his buddies there were bragging about getting 25 and 50-cent raises, he got $1.25 for his first raise and will be training new employees. This was a boy who had no motivation whatsoever, barely graduated high school, and a drinking problem. He almost has enough saved to buy his first car (used) and will be getting a second job or a better full-time job so he can get his own place.
There is hope if you keep kicking their ass to do something. Good luck!
Thank you Gwyn, your story
Thank you Gwyn, your story gives me hope that he may one day be a contributing adult to society.
Sometimes the easiest way to
Sometimes the easiest way to learn to swim is being thrown in the deep end of the pool. What is happening now is the ADULT is getting enabled to do nothing and be nothing.
I was on my own within months of my 18th birthday. My son was on his own within A month of his 18th birthday. It's tough to make it on your own but definitely obviously not impossible.