Ok, so let me first intro my situation here. I am married now to the one woman I have loved for many years. The problem is, that since her and I broke up originally, some 17 years ago, we both were married and had 2 daughters. So now, we are together again and we had a baby together almost 2 years ago. That makes 5 girls between the 2 of us. SD 15, BD 12, BD 8, SD 5, and BD 21 mos. SO obviously, my hands are FULL. My BDs live with my exwife and I have them every other weekend, and holidays and split vacations and such. MY SDs live with us full time. Things started off pretty good. The kids always have and still do get along great. The problem is between myself and SDs.
So, at the beginning, when SD 15 was 11 her and I got along great. SD 5 seemed to not like me from jump. I tried to instill discipline in her as she threw tantrums and such and was rude. I taught her manners and I think this caused her to not like me. Add in the fact that her BF told her that I am NOT her father and that she dioesn't have to listen to me, and you have a recipe for disaster. In the beginning, my wife told me how she needed help with her daughters and wanted me to take an authoritative role in their lives. I did that. Of course, as they got older, the dynamics shifted. SD now 15, began to rebel between the ages of 13 and 14. She gave me the dreaded "You're not my REAL father!" this year the day after Christmas.
She then went to her guidance counselor at school and complained about our home. She claims that she has to do EVERYTHING. She claims that I used to give her and her sister SD5 things, but now I don't do anything for them and that I used to help in the house but now I am NO help. This all one month after she left the burner on for 7 HOURS! and was given NO CONSEQUENCE aside from my wife yelling at her. All I did was explain to her the seriousness of what could have happened. All of these allegations are untrue. All she has to do in the house is clean her room, empty and reload the dishwasher, take out the trash, and help with her younger sisters, most of which goes UNDONE. So that in NO WAY is everything. I used to be able to buy more because the rent my wife and I were paying was a lot less than it is now and I was working 4 jobs. All I do like rent, cable, food etc goes unnoticed by kids. I get that. And me not a help in the house? Who does she think does all her damn chores when she doesn't? The guidance counselor even told my wife that most of her complaints were only "teen melodrama" and she is not worried about the household.
But this put fear in my wife. She is afraid to lose them. She fears her ex husband is being told these stories and will take her to court. Meanwhile, he don't want them! He is supposed to pick them up every other Friday to Sunday. He has picked them up ONLY ONCE on a Friday this calendar year!! Every time its on Saturday. And it started as Saturday at 8, then it went to 10 or 11 AM. WTF???!? SO now that she is afraid, she has backed way off recently. She also has a ton of guilt that she tries to parent through. So basically, the children are running the house lately. They seem to do as they please with no consequence. I no longer try to discipline them as per my wife and my therapist. I let her handle it. The 5 year old NEVER thanks me for anything. She remembers to thank her sister for pouring ketchup on her plate, but cannot remember to thank me for cooking the meal? She interrupts EVERY conversation I try to have with my wife. She does not do what her mother tells her to do. And that comes from SD15. She ADMITTEDLY does not do anything my wife tells her to the first time she is told. She waits for the "levels". She admitted to my wife in front of me this exact thought. The other day my wife asked her for a tissue, which happened to be right in front of her, and she said "No" and walked away. Who do you think got up and got the tissue? Yep, me.
Don't get me wrong, I do not hate my step daughters. I hate the way they act at times and how they talk to their mother. SO, I'm glad I found this site as I plan on keeping a running blog here. Thanks for reading, those of you that actually read it.