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HS Decision - last day

Cover1W's picture

On the last day to make a decision YSD14.5 made it at the last minute as promised.

She's enrolled at the HS near BM.  Which I fully expected because 1) BM and 2) pressure from OSD, friends, etc. that live near BM and also the CRAPPY online learning our school district is instituting. As soon as I heard about it, I knew that was the final straw. They are going to a quarter rather than a semester system (fine) but alternating quarters with core classes. That means only every other quarter will they have math, science, core literature...and that means only ONE semester of those classes. YSD is extremely math/science focused so there goes that option.

This is a sought after school district, where many, many kids used to come for education outside of the district - small classes, focused learning, some alternative classes. Well, they put out a notice recently pretty much begging for people to enroll kids in the school - because they are at risk of losing a LOT of funding due to virtual learning. Well, if you do some insane schedule in which you 'expect' or 'hope' or 'encourage' parents to fill the gap you've created and there's other options out there - then you've done it to yourself. I have to say the school she's going to has a good plan. Heck, even my neices school, in AZ no less, has a great plan.

Right now this won't effect anything but for maybe the exchange day. She'll still be week on/week of between homes. However, if/when this ends, she'll be at BMs most of the time so DH and BM will have to figure out an alternative schedule. But DH is so, so burned out. And once YSD gets busier with things, she I think will slowly stop coming.

So I am going to push hard to get our 2nd bathroom update finished, re-do the hallway floors downstairs so we are ready to sell - if we can hahaha - and downsize in the next year or two. No way do I want this large home for just the two of us.


JRI's picture

Is it a good decision?  What will it mean for you?

Cover1W's picture

I actually think it's a good decision because the new virtual school plan for our district just plainly sucks. She needs more of a challenge and a plan that will provide advanced instruction if needed, and they tanked that option.

I'm glad that she'll be able to maintain the 50/50 home split, this makes it do-able. But we are concerned for what happens once school resumes in person - there's simply no way to do this with the school schedule and our location.

So right now, no changes.

In the future, it means that it's possible for YSD to severely limit interactions with DH/make excuses not to spend time with her dad and more influence from BM and OSD.  Not good. I believe that this is why she rejected the bike idea - if she was here she could ride her bike to school (she likes to do this) but now that's not an option so no bike is needed.

DH is resigned to it - he expected this decision as well. He's just so tired of it. Said the other night he wished he could do it all over with me only and have no kids. 

I think that we will end up selling the house sooner than later. I don't know what this means as we aren't there yet, but we're in agreement about down-sizing if no SDs visit for more than a night or two. Where to go is the question - I can be employed at pretty much any medical research institution I want, DH can work from anywhere. So we've agreed to see how things play out in the next year or two and travel as much as possible once we can.


JRI's picture

Sorry, I don't know your whole story.  But the reason I ask is that DH and I were talking just yesterday about how modern communication makes it SO much better nowadays to maintain contact.  I know your DH must be bummed about possibly less personal contact in the future but with texts, Zoom and everything else, he can keep that link.  Once they reach late teens, they're pretty much gone ( in person) anyway.

Cover1W's picture

Well, we are also dealing with PAS in regards to OSD, now almost 17. He hasn't seen her or talked with her for 1.5 years. No amount of technology is helping if she and BM ignore his contacts.

And YSD is actively avoiding technology as much as possible. I keep telling her that she needs to get used to it because that's how the world works, esp. if she wants to go into the sciences. She won't even answer her phone 98% of the time and hides it from herself. It's very, very wierd. So I don't have hope that she'll magically start texing and video chatting with DH.

JRI's picture

Your DH might just have to accept these realities.  It's so tough to let go of our fantasies like " One happy family", " "Dad and his little girls" and all the rest.  You don't mention them being grasping, greedy girls so that's good, you'll know when they are in contact, it's not just for his $.  Sigh...

Cover1W's picture

True - DH last year used the gift certs he got them 2 years before because they never used them. He gives $ but not too much (well, in the case of OSD, a little too much IMHO). I hope this doesn't change in the future, but DH is hyper aware of 'gimmee' requests. YSD is the opposite of greedy, to her detriment actually.