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Step mom life

countrygirl143's picture

Submitted by countrygirl143 on Tue, 12/11/2018 - 8:58pm

I have a beautiful six year old step daughter. I won't go into crazy details. What do you guys do when a child is super anxious and constantly need reassurance. As her father puts her to bed, she is adamant on knowing wehre he is at and where he's going to be. She will continue to shout out " i love you" or questions so she can reassure herself that he is near. What would you guys do? I stay back and try not to step in. This is all new. She recently started to behave like this. I'm assuming her mother has a lot of changes in her life and now affecting the child. 

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Monkeysee's picture

Submitted by Monkeysee on Wed, 12/12/2018 - 3:31am

It could stem from changes at BM’s house, or it could just be a phase she’s going through. I remember doing similar things when I was that age, and I come from an intact family.

Your DH should assure her he loves her & isn’t going anywhere, but not bend to her demands for constant reassurance. She gets one or two ‘love you’s’ back, then nothing. It might feel mean, but he needs to draw a boundary with behaviour like that or she’s going to end up in control, which she shouldn’t be. 

I used to want a thousand hugs & kisses from my parents, and for me I know 100% it was just a ploy to be awake for longer in a way that wouldn’t get me in trouble lol. Mum caught on pretty quick & shut it down. 

I'm not saying that’s definitely what your SD is doing, but it could be part of it. If there’s been dramatic changes in her personality, your DH needs to have a talk with her to see what’s happening, and if he’s genuinely concerned she might do well to see a counsellor. I’d start with the boundaries first & see what happens. 

Glassslipper's picture

Submitted by Glassslipper on Wed, 12/12/2018 - 11:44am

This actually sounds more like normal 6 year old behavior than a separation anxiety thing. My kids both did it to me and I remember doing it as a child. 

For my kids I got it to stop by buying “myself” a stuffed animal, I brought it home, showed it off to the kids and placed it on my bed. Delt with “reassuring” them for another week such as tucking them back in for a second and third time, then after a week of them admiring my new stuffed toy on my bed, bribed them that they could sleep with it if they were quite and went right to sleep. It worked 

However when my sisters boys did the constant calling mom in to their room phase after bed time, she would get up and go in everytime and the phase lasted YEARS!!!! She refused to set up boundaries and they called her over and over night after night for years and years!