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Am I the only one here?

CommittedMomma's picture

Am I the only mom here that is raising bonus kids on a full time basis? All of the posts I'm seeing seem to be from stepparents that only have their partners bio kids half of the time. Do I go to PT conferences? Hell yes I do. Do I take them to the Dr and make medical decisions? You bet your ass I do. I do it all. They even call me "mom". I am their mom, you know the one who helps with homework, plans birthday parties, knows their shoe size, makes their dinner, gets up in the middle of the night when they are sick, consoles their first broken heart, etc. They know her, and enjoy getting spoiled by her twice a year but that doesn't make her their mom and me just my husband's wife. Please tell me there are others like me on this site or direct me to the closest exit ramp.


over_the_rainbow's picture

I'm a full-time step mom. SD doesn't call me mom but I do all the mom stuff. She sees BM every other weekend and various holidays.

floridianmama's picture

Yup I raise my SS full time. He sees his mom twice a year. Xmas and summer vacation. I have had him since he was 5 he's now. 10 and he calls me mom.

CommittedMomma's picture

Thanks Smile Both of my bonus kids are very different - one sounds like your SD but the other is a doll (for now - He's young).

CommittedMomma's picture

"I HATE BM most of the time, she seems to really be trying recently & so I'm cautious but optimistic."

Every time I begin to think BM is "trying", I get burned. I don't trust that B now at all. She'll always be a narcissist, lying B. Good luck to you though!

CommittedMomma's picture

Wow! Why can't he call both of you mom? My kids call her mom when she is around them, I think.

Smellissa's picture

I'm newly a full time sm, myself. SD12 has lived with me for six months, and SD14 has been here for two and a half months.

For SD12, who still loves her bm with all her heart, I'm "special nickname", and Bm goes from being "Mommy" to "Bm first name". For SD14, I'm "Mom" or "Mommy", and bm goes from being "Bm first name" to "Rot in hell, Bitch". I think it's sad, but I can't change it.

And yes, I do all the "mom things", and half the "dad things", to! Doctors appointments, parent teacher conferences, homework, driving (on private property!), you name it! I also do "call (the Bm side of) your family!"

When SD12 was in the hospital, I was the one talking to doctors (along with her other family, but not Bm). When she was released, I spent a week with her, at other family's house. When she came home, on suicide watch, I was the one she slept with, the one who had to leave the bathroom door open during the day, and had to shower after Daddy got home.

Hubby and I might have to live separately for a while. The kids will stay with me, if that happens.

SD12, told her dad, last night Smellissa isn't spending enough QUALITY time with me! " 8 hours of sleep, 1.5, getting ready for school, 8 hours of school, 3 hours of homework (together) 1 hour to make dinner (together), a board game, or tv, then sshowers and chores... there isn't enough time in the day! But she hasn't seen BM in years.

Yeah, those are my kids!

overworkedmom's picture

Full time s-mom here. I have done it all in the past however, I have disengaged as much as possible. I have even hired a daily tutor for SS so I don't have to deal with his behavior and homework every night. It is impossible for me to disengage any more than I have considering that i have 2 bios that live with me full time as well and a DH that owns his own construction company and works 60+ hours a week. But I am surviving for now.

Tuff Noogies's picture

full-timer also now, OSS for 6 months, the other two since aug. up until that point they were 50/50 (although papers and c/s were eowe...) so i will never fill the full 'mom role', as this arrangement is still fairly new to them, and also in part because of their ages.

i will always be "Tuffy" to them, and their mom is their mom. but she's not seen any of them since aug except for a few hours w/ YSS. i'm no just dad's wife tho'. i am definitely to them another loving adult member of their immediate family.

i do the homework, the manners reminders, the birthdays, the boo boos and sick nights.
dr's appts are by the grandmothers, since DH and i work full time and they dont it just works nicer that way (but DH makes the decisions). DH handles issues with the schools, i support behind the scenes.

my stepmother was also full time sm for us. called both her and bio mom 'mom'. but sm was the one who raised us.

so no, u're not a rare breed Wink but i think that having custody and a definite say in how they grow up likely eliminates a loooot of the problems that most sm's on this site face

CommittedMomma's picture

Exactly!! And, I don't want to pack them off to live with her. They are my children, my heart! Yes, sometimes I need a break... and I deal with issues that other moms who have raised their children from when they were first born don't have to deal with but I am still a parent to them.

PetStr's picture

I have 3 of DH'S 4 kids full-time and the 4th one visits every other weekend. I do all the mom things, buy all the things they need (bras, pads, acne face wash, deodorant, clothes, school supplies etc etc), I go to all the school functions, I handle all the teacher's conferences, ARD meetings, tutoring, homework...... you name it, I do it. I'm not mom to them. SD12 and SS10 remind me of that on a daily basis. They still have BM on a pedestal even though she abandoned them because she had too many kids. SS15 is harder to figure out. He doesn't like BM because he sees her for what she is. He's ok with me as long as he gets what he wants. They are all very selfish, entitled and don't give a crap if it doesn't involve them directly.
What do I get out if it??? Stress, grey hair and an empty back account....

CommittedMomma's picture

And what does your DH do to discipline the loving little brat? That kid wouldn't make it very long in my house!!