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Update to "I just want to die"

CLove's picture

Well, I opted for #1. Thanks to everyone for the kindness, support and advice. As someone who has lost a sibling to suicide, I couldnt "unsee" the post. As my husband's wife, I felt an obligation to mention it, without drama infusing the conversation, just a brief description.

His reaction was...nothing. He just looked at me and shook his head a little, and said he didnt want to hear about anything to do with her or her life. We did mention that she has said this before during fights.

She has even used my brothers death against me during arguments in the past, saying things like "no wonder your brother killed himself, your such a  crazy b!tch". She uses suicide as a manipulation tool, a guilt-inducer, when all else fails.

So - we both agreed that she is still a disordered person that we need to maintain a distance from.

It was 7 days ago, and shes still around, or Toxic Troll would have called. I fulfilled my obligation, as an empathetic human and his wife, theres nothing more to do, except ignore ignore ignore.

Is it a teenager thing, now, used for attention? I dont know - but I would think a healthy person would look for better ways to get that attention.

I think its best to give that attention, rather than live with the guilt. However things go, I have mentioned it to DH and it is now in his hands to do what he may.

Comments

Thumper's picture

Glad you told DH. I would have too. THEN block her and her ugly sister from all social media.

CLove i read the previous post about what was said to YOU about you and your brother......I am so incredibly sorry about your brother. (((HUGS))))

I consider myself a decent person but I have no problem drawing the line. What your SO kids have said to you about your dead brother is unforgivable.

I would not allow that in my home and I would not give a shit who they were.

They are very cruel..

Today you did the right thing....when you told SO. I would have done the same. Not on my soul to carry IF anything happened.

But now it is time to block those cruel people. JMO of course.

 

 

CLove's picture

not. She is 20, and adult and she COULD HAVE apologised. But there you go - no apologies. She is lost, and my door is closed

Aniki-Moderator's picture

How vile of her to say that to you! You are a helluva woman, CLove. Not all could forgive that.

Kes's picture

I lost a brother to suicide too,  when I was 13, he was in his 20s.    I think if either of my SDs behaved and spoke as yours has, I would probably not want anything to do with them, going forward.  

CLove's picture

I was in a support group for a short while, and we always used to say that when you lose a parent, you lose your past, when you lost a child you lose your future, but when you lose a sibling you lose your past, present and future.

ndc's picture

I think you did the right thing.  Now you need to totally remove the older SD from your life.  Do not look at her social media.  Do not discuss her with Munchkin or your husband.  Do not engage with her in any way whatsoever.  She's just an awful, evil person you used to know.

SM12's picture

tbings Skids day to hurt you!   I will never forgive my MSS for the rude comments he made about my parents.   DH invited him to thanksgiving at my parents house (against my wishes). Originally MSS said he would go but then couldn’t be bothered to come to the door when we went to get him.   Later DH spoke with him and asked why he didn’t come.  MSS said because he didn’t want to go sit around at a hiuse where he barely knew the people and had no desire to see them.  DH and I had been together for 5 years and my parents were always super to his kids). 

I was livid.  And to make it worse, that was the last time I saw my father alive.  He passed unexpectedly a few weeks later.   And no, I didn’t get one text, call or message from my MSS after my dad passed.  MSS is dead to me.  Got nothing for him.

There comes a time you have to just let chips fall where they may.  Your Sd is pro at threatening to harm herself.  And I know you would feel terrible if that happened.   But you did your part and you can’t care more than the parents!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

There's a fine line we stepparents have to walk in order to avoid the drama, avoid being scapegoated, and avoid being the messenger who gets shot. Get too involved, and you'll likely get burned.

You followed your conscience and showed grace and empathy. But keep in mind Feral Eldest IS likely mentally disordered,  so this is just the latest chapter in what will be a looong book of her drama and shenanigans. You need to develop a personal philosophy for all carp related to her, a way that prevents her from having the ability to disrupt or cause discord in your home. Otherwise, you'll just go from crisis to crisis, a hostage waiting for the next Feral shoe to drop and end up with a case of PTSD.

 

Chmmy's picture

All loss is hard whether it be sudden or a prlonged illness or an accident but suicide is a special kind if hurt. I hope it never happens to you again. Ive had 2 close to me and many more acquaintances

susanm's picture

It is amazing what skids can say and get away with.  My SD made many horrible comments about the death of my first husband and multiple miscarriages.  But she was "just a kid" right up until she finally moved out at 21 and I can avoid any interaction with her when she calls or visits.  DH knows that I despise her and that she will never be allowed to move back under any circumstances.  I am sorry that your SD is so heartless yet expects kindness from others.  Mine is the same way and has no idea why she has lost so many people from her life.  You are a much bigger person than I am to still care for your SD.  

CLove's picture

But - thats my husband's kid. I just send hr off with love and compassion and feel good that she is not in my life!