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CLove's picture

Greetings and good morning from the West Coast of Clarity.

Husband new job update: Husbands stress over job was unfounded, and things are greatly improved. He will be making REALLY great money, and in a few months probationary period will be getting vacation, and accrued time off, and all the other benefits are present such as medical and life insurance, deferred retirement matching, etc. Hes getting a feel for the new mechanical workings and is really impressed with the new company. The previous business was pretty rinky dink in comparison. The new place is very clean (dedicated cleaning person), and lets face it Mercedes are a lot nicer than BMW's. He said "the clientel are way different". Things are organized.

His mind is being expanded.

SD16 PowerSulk Update: Shes back with us for the week. Staying in her room, not doing much. Ive let go of all that Netflix cripe, weve got a "superbloom" going on and that just seems way more important. Ill deal with things as they come along. 5$ monthly savings isnt going to make a difference in my life and for the most part she remains polite and civil and respectful. Her sulking doesnt affect me, as I am chill, so her issues dont affect me. Her schooling, well I clipped and sent and didnt look. When Husband commented "not too bad" I just texted back "oh ok, I didnt look I just sent".  Took everyones advice, just clipped and sent, because he refuses to do it himself.

And if she fails I need proof he knew. I couldnt even tell you how the grades and attendance are going, Ive got too much going on in my own world.

Clove update: Working on health related activities. Strengthening my bonds with friends and family. Taking it day by day, struggling with my sugar addiction, the fatigue, and struggling with building workout habits, food habits, non-drinking habits (raising a glass of flavored sparkling water), building new alliances. Building new boundaries, healthy boundaries with Husband. Things have improved there. Oddly he doesnt recall saying half the things I tell him he has said to me. He is working on his own drinking habits, and barnical buddy hasnt been around as much.

Everything is shifting and changing, even at work, which is busy because I am in agriculture. But I will be taking the day off tomorrow (whoo hoo!).


Stepdrama2020's picture

Way to go.

Your healthy mindset makes a huge difference.

Keep up the disengagement too. Powersulk will always be sulky and you know that.

Cheers, as I raise sparkling water , and BLESSINGS

CLove's picture

Theres a lot more going on under the surface, and as I shift in small and big ways, those around me also shift.

Blessings back!

JRI's picture

I'm glad to hear things are smoothing out.  Life is a roller coaster and we're all on it.  I've seen some swings in my time, too.  At one point, I was at such odds with DH that I moved to another room, we didn't speak for days, he was drinking heavily  and I was making drastic exit plans.  Cant even remember what the issue was, probably something about the kids.  Then things change and more things change.  Flash forward and we're living here happily.

Hoping for your best possible outcome.

CLove's picture

Im refocusing on myself and better equipped to do battle where I need to when I need to. Because battled I must. Youve mentioned the "dance of intimacy" before.

Thats what this is, but the music changed.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

being held in all fronts. I hear you on the new habits, since working 100% remotely the last two years I have put on a little bit of weight and am working on right now getting back into the grove and we are currently working on making a part of our garage a home gym so that is helping motivate me. 

As we in step life like to say bio parents tend to have rose colored glasses on about their step children, please do not have rose colored glasses on about your marriage and DH. It is good to hear he is making changes, BUT I hope they are changes to stay not just changes because he senses things could be ending if he does not. 

Cheers to you and I hope things keep improving across the board for you!

CLove's picture

Ive been journaling, so I dont "forget". Ive been researching and reading about divorce too. Weighing constantly about different "futures" and what I actually want for ME. Im letting go...even the house that I treasure (and no its not a castle or a kardashian abode...but its half mine) and considering what is the best thing. Sometimes the best thing isnt the thing we want.

Its going to be a hard journey, but I can do hard, and knowing this lessens the fear.

CLove's picture

The easier it is to go, the more you go, and what is that saying - it takes 21 days to build habits into compulsions?


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

whenever you might need to. That is good to find out your options, whether you decide to go that avenue or not, but since you considered it, better to be informed now in case you ever need it. 

I don't really like going to the gym with other people and DH and I like to work out together so it would either be stupid early going to a gym or after dinner, but instead now when he gets home from work, we go to the garage to work out which is much better.

CLove's picture

Still working on  it, but small steps in the right direction and Im figuring some of my emotional issues out and seeking therapy as well.

CLove's picture

I quote you often...and you also are a treasure!

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Good luck on your journey! I'm determined to start one of my own. Increased self-care, independence, and taking joy in daily life will only be a positive.

Yesterdays's picture

Hugs CLove ♥️ I think youre headed in a new and positive direction and love your new outlook. And you have our support 

Noway2b1's picture

Sometimes it's these challenges that add up to 1000 cuts that eventually cause our backs to break, these small "issues"  are just as important to address.

I read posts that resonate with me in my situation and ones who seem to have similar situations for the most part and seeing the responses has helped me even with my bios!! Yes it's good to see how bad it could be and be thankful we aren't in their shoes, but each of us are individuals who need validation no matter how small or big our challenges are in step world. 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Glad you are coming around to your new routine and accepting the status quo. It took me YEARS to get there but once you stop giving a f, nothing can stop you!

Personally if you refer to my discussion with another poster about womens health issues and partners being selfish, I dont think I was out of line and the discussion was respectful and the poster came by and interacted with me and I apologized if I had hurt her feelings (which I didnt, I stated that focusing on family is better than on partners who come and go especially for women!)

Its very difficult to hijack a post if you are just commenting and having a free flowing conversation. I really do not have the power to "hijack" anything and neither did any of the posters whom interacted on the topic of womens health and family bonds with much respect and life experiences seen with our own eyes

Enjoy your peace and your calm and focus on yourself/who matters

Partners come and go, family is forever.

Yesterdays's picture

If you have a problem with me in the future feel free to discuss it on a blog that I post and not on other posters blogs. I have nothing to hide. 

CLove's picture

Thank you very much, I always appreciate your feedback and you have been through so much. Your support is needed and you always have intelligent and kind comments.

If someone is completely operating from a place of love and kindness, they are willing and open that maybe they did the wrong thing, and are willing to apologise for it. Unfortunately Im living and married to the opposite.

Welp, as to the word hijacking when you think of it as "free flowing conversation" I suppose we will have to agree to disagree on that one.

Thank you.

CastleJJ's picture

I am so happy to hear that you are taking care of yourself and making positive changes, both mentally and physically. I recently decided to spend more time focusing on myself as well because between working, DD, and doing all the day-to-day, I have neglected myself. 

If you hate working out like I do, I have the golden ticket for you. I always hated going to the gym and have tried so many options to "get fit." Nothing has stuck with me until now. It is a bit of a pricy to start. My DH has a Meta Quest Oculus headset ($399) and I use Supernatural fitness programs on there ($15 a month). They offer boxing, flow (think Zumba), meditation, and stretching, and they plan to expand their offerings eventually to include yoga and such. The music is great and the coaches guide you through everything. They offer 10 to 50 minute workouts. I have been trying to do it 3 to 5 times a week and let me tell you, I feel the burn after every workout and am actually sore the next day. I've done it for three weeks and I'm already seeing results. If you hate working out like I do and can afford the start up cost of the headset, I totally recommend it. 

Ispofacto's picture

LOL. Love the headset, even playing beat saber will make you sore, but it gives me motion sickness. I'm pretty sure PS makes zumba classes you can do on your tv.


CLove's picture

Husband just sold the occulus!

I USED to LOOOOOOVE working out at the gymn. I worked out every day, when "underemployed" and had all the time. It was a gymn near to the ocean and had floor to cieling windows.

I like haveing a nice view, so the occulous would have been perfect, even for just that.

I had thought it was just for gaming...

CastleJJ's picture

Nope, Supernatural is awesome and even better, all of the workouts are set in GORGEOUS locations around the world - beaches in Thailand, the Great Wall of China, glaciers in Iceland. The views definitely enhance the workout. The music is awesome and the workouts kick your butt, even on light intensity. Highly recommend it if you can swing another one. 

The Meta Quest 3 is supposedly coming out later this fallish. Maybe it'll have to be a Christmas gift or birthday gift to yourself.