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Friday night fun at the Clove Den

CLove's picture

So good news lovely people: I have remained disengaged and Husband is stepping up and on Monday will talk with school officials and/or teachers. Kid is going as well, and together they will resolve the issues (hopefully) and I did not ask anything.

Friday night he just mentioned in passing that she was morose because he had a talk with her about her grades, because I asked about SD16 Pouty McPouterson and her pouting and morose behavior when I said hello. And then...and then...and then...I started asking and STOPPED MYSELF. Physically told him "no no no I will not ask anything!!!!" And we had a quiet peaceful night. Period.

Comments

JRI's picture

It's kind of like the dance of intimacy.  As you step back, he steps forward.

notarelative's picture

my counselor is crazy and just signed me up for freshman history because he said I dont have enough credits

DH, if he actually listens to the counselor when he goes in, may be in for a surprise. "Don't have enough credits" is a huge red flag that something was wrong with her schedule.

Gird yourself to stay disengaged when he comes home.

Rags's picture

I had the opposite problem.  I finished my BS with almost 250 semester hours of credit.  Enough hours for 2+ Bachelor's degrees.  The consequences of 5 differ t majors and transferring between 7 different colleges/universities.

With modern online class registration there is no excuse for not enough credits or schedule problems.  In days of auditorium registration, yes.  It was a PITA and a legit thing.  When telephone registration became a thing I thought I had died and transferred to Heaven University.

My MBA was day one, here are your classes.  No question of choosing electives, counting credits, etc.

I am pretty sure that now you pick your major and they hand you your course list and off you go,  little need to spend countless hours digging through the course catalog to set up your primary class voices with three deep alternatives if the class you wanted was not available when you got to the front of that departments line in the stadium.

smh

thinkthrice's picture

B/c I always had to support my family.  None of my husbands ever stepped up to do so.  I took college courses in HS and ended up with 21 credits including an "AP" diploma after three years of attendance.  I didn't care much for the HS atmosphere  (cliques and clans) and I was a mega nerd who didn't fit in so got out as fast as possible)  College was boring with the exception of Physics which was  intriguing.  Frying pan into the fire as I married young to the wrong person.... twice.

Retiring now from my main gig mid November after 45 years of straight full time work, no breaks, not even for childbirth... twice.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Except OP's SD is in high school. One failed class and you don't have enough credits to move on to the next. And the kids don't necessarily pick their own classes. They may put in requests, but the school figures out the schedule (at least that is how they do it around here). If there are questions about what is being requested, the school contacts the student to fix it.

CLove's picture

I see two failed, and one N/A. So hopefully no summer school but not my problemo. Unless she becomes a failure to launch like her sister.

I am staying out of it though...just going to empathise...

lieutenant_dad's picture

Still not your problem if she is a failure to launch.

SD is never your problem. How your DH responds to SD might be, though.

CajunMom's picture

I LOVE this statement. Bottom line...the kid(s) have two parents in the majority of our situations. If the bio dad doesn't step up once SM disengages, then that is on HIM. 

Keep it up, CLove!! 

lieutenant_dad's picture

This is perfect and the exact attitude that we all should have as SPs!

Clove - very proud of you for stopping. Keep Survivingstephell's advice in mind. You're not failing or letting anyone down by disengaging. You're giving your DH the opportunity to step up and be the dad he wants/needs to be. If he fails to do it how you would, that's not a reflection on you OR an indication you need to step in. He is as much of an adult as you are with more sway and resources on the parenting front. Let him handle it all.

caninelover's picture

Isn't it nice that their crazy doesn't ruin your day?  Nice job not getting sucked in!

la_dulce_vida's picture

Disengagement be like: "Oh, that's nice" (distracted). When told about a problem by stepchild: "You're a smart girl. I'm confident you'll figure this out." When your spouse vents (aka puts out a feeler to see if you'll fix something for him): "That sounds frustrating. You're a good father and I know you and SD can get this sorted out, together."

You listen. Validate the feeling the person is conveying ("That sounds frustrating, challenging, sad, exciting") and then express confidence in them to find a solution.

((HUGS))

Rags's picture

When SS-30 pulled his flirtation with failing to launch we scared the shit of him so badly that he jumped in with both feet and made graduation happen.  Two things that I think got through.  First, a trip to a local homeless camp to meet his new neighbors if he failed to graduate HS on time.  Second, a bus ticket, the cheapest possible bus ticket with the most number of stops we could arrange to ship him off to SpermLand if he decided to call our bluff and drop out of HS.

He had choices. Quit school and park his ass on a bus for 10 days.  Stay, fail to graduate, then move to the homeless camp with a new pair of heavy boots, a new qualityh coat, a new sleeping bag, a tent and a backpack.  Or, graduate on time and remain a member of the family with the full rights and priveledges that brings.

Of course we were bluffing.  But he didn't know that and he was scared so shitless over living under "the look" his mom kept him under that he made damned sure he graduated.

So, instead of the worst case options, he remained with us, worked as our chore bitch until he decided to enlist in the USAF, then launched with our full love, support, pride, and a brand new car to send him on his way with reliable transportation that he did not have to pay for. Membership has its priveledges.

No doubt if you play similar cards, PMP will run to TT who will play the rescue card and let PMP be a mini-clone of FF.

I wish you had a higher probability of a positive outcome with PMP.  I could not imagine the heartbreak I would have after the investment his mom and have made in him if SS-30 had gone down the path that the Spermidiot and the three younger Spermidiot spawned half sibs have traveled.  Marginal lives, welfare, prison, etc........

I am sorry CLove.

Give rose

 

CLove's picture

Thanks again Rags.

Shes cut from the same cloth. But theres always hope.

Sunday I read a litte riot act about cleaning. PMP came out (of course). Schoolwise I am hoping and praying she graduates Junior year to move forward to senior year. 

Husband has put it on her to fix.