You are here

Entitled Children Article. Great Thursday reading.

CLove's picture

"Whatever" (sigh)
"Fine" (roll of the eyes)
“You HAVE to take me."
“I’m bored! There’s never anything to do in this house!”
“I only want brand names.”
“Can I have five bucks? So and so always has money.”
(Added by me, cLove) "Daddee, I need money for a school thing"

Are You Raising an Entitled Child?

This is for you parents who are raising their children with overindulgence, self-absorption, and entitlement. The generation just now hitting adulthood or close to it are overly entitled. They feel that they do not need to earn what they want like good grades, possessions, skills or jobs and these children do not respect authority whatsoever!

Jeffrey Zaslow wrote an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal titled, “The Entitlement Epidemic: Who’s Really to Blame,” He notes the cause for the teen to twenty-something generation’s overly inflated sense of self is indulgent parenting.

Is it okay for children to be self-absorbed and overly entitled?

Think about it. It is mind numbingly boring to be with people who are totally self-absorbed. Working or living with the entitled is draining.

As a parent, it is not normal if your kid(s) constantly make you feel guilty. And it’s happening! Entitled children as young as six years old and up (especially children of divorce) have now learned to manipulate parents into feeling almost constant guilt. One divorced father admits that he dreads his children’s arrival at his home because he feels constant pressure and guilt that he is not doing enough for them, that they are not being treated fairly in life; although they have everything a child could want and more. He further admits that his kids believe that life is all about them, their looks, their needs, their wants and that they constantly need to be 'saved' from everyday life. He finds it exhausting. In short, he is not enjoying raising his children. Does this sound like you?

So what is going on with parents? Do they see that by over-indulging they are causing harm to their kids?
These kids are rewarded daily just for their simple existence. Parents have gotten lazy in their parental roles. You can still enjoy your kids and have fun with them but there should always be that line where you enforce discipline and direction in the child.

Yes, it is a struggle to deny, to push, or to discipline and some parents fear that if they parent incorrectly they could psychologically damage their children, causing depression, drug abuse, broken relationships, and failure to succeed, they think that their children will hate them and there are those who parent out of guilt for reasons such as divorce.

IF YOU ARE THIS PARENT, PLEASE READ THIS!
This is a true FACT! Children that are not raised with discipline, not taught respect at a young age, do not earn their way and do not have set limits, are the young adults today who are psychologically damaged, depressed, suffer broken relationships, have no close friends, do not succeed and become drug and alcohol users.

Never mind worrying if your kids will hate you because you will end up hating the people they become! The proof of this is already out there and it is alarming!

Successful parents set limits around spending and other requests and manage children’s expectations. They establish strict boundaries. Effective parents teach kids that there is a clear difference between children and adults; that by education, hard work, age and experience, adults are to be given respect. Children are not on a level playing field with their parents, teachers or coaches!

The time will come quickly for children when they can make all of their own choices. If parents start early by instilling good values, modeling decent behavior and teaching respect, then their children will grow up to make smart choices, develop compassion for others and appreciate and be happy in life.

Kids will learn to want to set goals and achieve them, when they realize how good it feels to do it on their own. So even if they complain, stop doing everything for them!

Kids will learn compassion for others when they learn to respect and contribute to a family unit or community. Give them chores! Teach them to help out when asked. Reward them when they do by saying yes to something they want. Discipline them when they don’t by saying no to their requests and tell them why you’re saying no!

Kids will learn to appreciate when they are allowed to earn something vs. just being given it. Stop giving them money when they haven’t earned it! That’s not reality. You have to work hard to earn money and they need to learn this or they will fail in the work force!

Kids will have closer, more meaningful relationships with their parents when they can count on them for stability, discipline, respect, and direction. Loving your kid doesn't mean showering them with gifts and cash and letting them behave in ways that no one else will ever like them. They will eventually see you as weak and resent you for doing this. And yes, they will turn on you too!

Let's stop raising Entitled Children. Let's give them the gift of the power to think for themselves, to be self confident and to learn respect for others. They will learn from this, a remarkable respect for themselves. They won't need to turn to drugs and alcohol to find it.

We all have the right to the Pursuit of Happiness.
Let your children learn to pursue their own happiness and you focus on yours.

Comments

smomofone's picture

AMEN!!

We have taken the approach with SD that she is lucky she has two homes, Two sets of parents that love her, two beds, two sets of toys, two of everything essentially. She is about to be 7 and is starting to understand more and more the meaning of wanting and getting things.

SO and I have also made it a point to teach her every time she is with us that she has plenty. And if she wants to even as much as watch a show on tv she has to do something to earn it, be it cleaning her room, picking up around the house. Money she earns it, by helping with extra chores that typically wouldn't be hers, like helping her dad clean both of our cars. Or helping me when I am immobile(bone pains) Even with this we find that we are always having to tweak our ways with her.

Just this past sat she mentioned while I was at the store with her looking for a belt for her pants. She said, I don't have any toys. I said what do you mean you have plenty of toys at your moms and at our house. She said but they are old and I need new ones and you always buy me things. I thought to myself Oh CHIT! I had a talk with her dad that night about the way things come off to her when we always buy her stuff. Which both SO and I are guilty of doing. Be it a one dollar sticker book, coloring book etc.... But she picked up on that in a negative way. I talked to her right then and there. Said ok, if you think your toys are too old and you aren't going to play with them you need to give them away to poorer children who are less fortunate than you. Then you can earn new toys. She quickly said ok, But I don't want to give away such and such toy. I said, nope its your decision. You give away what you want to but remember you have plenty and others don't have anything. Sometimes you don't get what you want. Right away she asked, can I help dad clean your car to earn money for such and such toy. I said sure.

We allow her to make her own decision on donating items especially clothes that don't fit her. One day I find her in her room trying on ALL of her clothes...all of it....and she had a pile by the door. I asked her what she was doing and she said, all that clothes doesn't fit me can we give some to "my sis daughter" I said sure but remember the poor children, my niece has plenty herself and is lucky too. She said ok, can I send some to mexico with gramma I said yes and I am very proud of you for taking the initiative. She was rewarded with a "stick" from us for thinking this way. Our "stick" program is her way of earning tv time or park time. She gets Popsicle sticks for each chore she completes. And then turns them back to us for tv or park time. Her dad takes her to the park at least once each time she is with us. There has been times where she will say, dad said he will take me to see such and such movie and the park tomorrow. I tell her remember what we all talked about and she quickly says "oh yea" runs to her dad and says dad, we forgot, we can only choose one thing.

She is a really good girl for the most part but its an uphill battle to get her to understand just because other children act a certain way doesn't mean she gets to. Now if she sees a kid throwing a tantrum at a store she runs up to me or her dad and says, that kid is being a brat huh? I said yup, what happens when you are a brat? She says, you don't get anything and you are a bad girl/boy and get in trouble. I say, are you a bad girl or good? she says I am a good girl. She gets it. Even though she is only 7 but is a bit behind (I would say acts more like a 4 or 5 year old in certain things) She was an extreme preemie.

IslandGal's picture

Amen! I love this! Absolutely nailed it! I'm printing this out and keeping it.

SD16 is the ultimate entitled teen. Has the most awful attitude and has no respect for anyone whatsoever. This is due to BM refusing to discipline her, taking her side against SO and becoming her BFF. SD backtalks, swears at her, is physically violent, throws tantrums, destroys her bedroom and the list goes on...and on..

When BM finally had enough, she decided to send SD overseas, to live with her grandparents. MOTY right there.

This post should be read by all parents with entitled kids. I believe it could just wake them up and realise that they're not doing their kids any favours for their future.

Thank you so much for putting this up.

CLove's picture

Winona SD17 - she has been like that since Ive known her (15 and change). She gets mad at mom and calls her and boyfriend "the idiots", and begs to live with us full time - and then gets mad and boomerangs back and forth.

Now that she is turning 18, we will still want to keep it at 50%. She has no job and no license, so I am not wanting to entitle her further. Her father is GIVING the brat a car, for her high school graduation - that she is squeaking through.

Acratopotes's picture

good article - this is the way we got raised... the strict parents.... this is the way I raised Deigma...

unfortunately nothing I can do for Aergia

Ninji's picture

My Skids have started with "I'm bored" on CHRISTMAS DAY!! Kid, do you know how much money and time we just invested to give you a "special" day? Get out of my face. Smile

CLove's picture

From your following comment:
"As far as money, we had a chore chart. Saturday was 'pay day'. If you worked, you got paid. If you dicked the dog, you got nothing. The more they worked, the more money they earned. The kids learned early on that hard work = money. But if they chose not to work that week, they got a huge hand full of nothing on pay day."

CLove's picture

We took SD10 and her sister to a GiANT and free music festival. With over 100 artists and activities galore. They both said they were bored. Made a point of tapping us on the shoulder and mentioning it, like it was something we would change for them. UM. Guess who is not going with us this year?

TwoOfUs's picture

I know! I was TERRIFIED of saying "I'm bored" to my parents when I was a kid/teen. That was a guaranteed one-way ticket to chore-ville!