You are here

The Door Chronicles, or, Key for SD Fifteen?

CLove's picture

Im just so over this game. Sdfifteen Backstabber/Munchkin activating her mother Toxic Troll in order to get what she wants from a situation. Its super jarring for first thing in the morning on a Friday of a rough week. Today it was "The Door". Im just really mad right now. Not to mentin her going through my stuff without asking, trying to find my reindeer antlers.

Every morning when SDfifteen is with her mother, she is dropped off. Each of these mornings, because I wake up first, I turn the front porch light on and unlock the door, and sometimes test it to make sure its not stiff from cold and sticking. This morning I did the unlocking and testing as is usual. Then I hit the shower, and next thing I know I heard Husband talking with someone on the phone. Apparently SD15 had tried the door and it wouldnt open, and so she went back and told Toxic Troll her problems who then calls Husband and very snottily, tells him to open the door and "dont get mad at ME" to which Husband replied he told her "the door was definitely unlocked already". Just conflict.

Those who were around back when I first joined might recall why we dont give SD a key to our home. When Husband and Toxic Troll were in the separation "phase" Toxic Troll would take Feral Forgers house key, and she would help herself inside. drink his beer and all that and hed come home to her drunk and unable to drive to her house, so he have her sleep on the couch.

Once when Toxic Troll got mad because SDfifteen who was eleven at the time, who knocked but we had unlocked the door, had burst into our home and yelled and cussed us out, because Husband hadnt come to the door and opened it, just unlocked it. In our home. We were in the bedroom at the time. All it would have taken is for SD to knock on the door. Someone to text. She had a phone at the time. 

Should we give a key to SD? She isnt mature enough to have any increased responsibility like washing pots and pans, or get a job, or take driving class...should we trust her with a house key? I feel like she activated her mother on purpose because she wants to "pressure us" to give her one, using her mother. Shes done this so many times before for different situations and Im so over it, truly. I mean, why not just text her father if she was having issues with the door?

Husband told her what her mother was like, how she was super snotty. Im glad that he called her out on that, at least.



ndc's picture

With that background - nope, no key.  She can pull harder on the door next time, since it wasn't even locked.  I didn't have a key to my house growing up and I survived. 

CLove's picture

It could be that she was lost in her teenage mind of selfishness and it was just easier to go back in the car to wait for the door to be opened for her, and who cares about our feelings in anything.

but, yeah, Im more in "nopeland" the more I consider it.

tog redux's picture

Why doesn't she call HIM when she's on the porch at HIS house? That makes zero sense to me.

We would never have given SS a key, but we were worried that he'd let BM in.

CLove's picture

I told Husband this too. That it made ZERO sense unless she was purposedly trying to start trouble, or she did it on purpose as in "see what happens? Thats why I need a key". Shes VERY practised at using her mother to put pressure on her father.

Like what happened in April over the schooling. She used her mother to get rid of me and get her father back in his corner.

On the other hand, it could be she just gave up and wanted to wait in the warm car and it was the Toxic Troll who insisted on calling. Shes ALWAYS ready for a fight

notarelative's picture

Under these circumstances I would not give her a key. I'd ignore the whine. Unfortunately, for Munchkin, the actions of Toxic Troll and Feral Forger have precluded that.

Dad needs to tell her that she is old enough to use her phone to call him if needed. 



CLove's picture

acted as her voice in this. But still I just wonder at the motivations. Im so over it.

GrudgingSM's picture

I am the same on no key. And I think you have a good justification for why no key. However if you did want to reconsider or have another conversation about it, I think there are keypad entries that you can program that will only work at certain times of day or that you could control with an app on your phone, so when you're expecting her you could have the door unlocked or have her keypad number work, but also have it not work when you're out of town so she's not letting herself into mess with things in your home. I am not Tech savvy enough to know which wifi keypad entries work this way but I know people have them.

CLove's picture

via text - "no coded door". So that is that. Which Im fine with things the way they are.

ESMOD's picture

I think I might consider an electronic lock... one where you could set a code for entry... or open it remotely from a phone.. so she could text when she a couple minutes away.. and dad (or you) could send signal to unlock it.

If you thought she wouldn't share the code.. maybe you could give her a code and if it is abused.. it can be cancelled without having to rekey the door?

CLove's picture

Ill have to see how expensive that is. We need to do a security system too.

ESMOD's picture

A ring doorbell is about 100 dollars for the basic one... which would let you see activity at your front door... and I think you can get the locks that have remote for under 150.

stepmomnorth's picture

 I wouldn't give her a key. And she needs to be told to call her dad not mom in this situation. Did she even try with the door? That all seems bull like she just did it on purpose. 

CLove's picture

all different ways. And he told me he did tell her to call him the next time there is a problem.

hereiam's picture

Haha! She tried?

Well, if she can't wash a pot, I don't know how she could be expected to do something as complicated as opening an unlocked door.

Your husband needs to be at the door waiting for her if this is the crap she is going to pull.

CLove's picture

When she was eleven to twelve. Then he figured shed matured enough.

stepmomnorth's picture

No doubt! In response to hereiams comment.

tog redux's picture

Right? She's not "ready" to open doors by herself.  And if she couldn't open it when it was UN-locked, how will she open it when it's locked? Might not know how to turn keys and open doors. 

CLove's picture

To Feral Forger Sd22. For some reason. But I see her going down the same path of being enabled to the point of disablement.

tog redux's picture

Right - I mean, at 15, she should know you have a sticky door and be able to open it one way or the other.  She's very helpless. 

The superior thing is narcissism that she got from TT. My SS is the same way - he's sooo much better than his half-sister that he acts exactly like. 

CLove's picture

But shes not helpless that she cant somehow dig out my reindeer antlers.

She somehow thinks she will be driving soon. HAH. And get a job. HAHA.

CLove's picture

I didnt hear (see) that!

Im going to do happy medium and NOT push for early or on time. 18. Then push. Because no more Toxic Troll threats to worry about.

stepmomnorth's picture

My step kid was PISSED when we first moved in we told her to not use the front door as the main door. We told her the key code to the garage entry. She left for a walk and proceeded to come back to the front right after I told her to use the back. She was then pissed the front door had been locked. Lmao. We have a huge mudroom in the other entrance. Apparently she just doesn't get it lol. What's with it with the door drama!

I remember her tone with me 'why CANT I use the front door... That seems Sooo stupid! " My response, we have a huge mudroom in the back. Her: eyerollz...



CLove's picture

uses her "sweet little girl voice", when explaining her issues. She wouldnt dare say "thats so stupid". Feral Forger though...

Ispofacto's picture

Even my own kids never had a key to my house.  They had the code to the garage, which I could change whenever I wanted, or just unplug.  Some garage keypads even come with temporary code settings.

I never wanted them coming in when DH and I were out of town and they were supposed to be at xH's.

It sounds like Buttmunch likes it when TT chews out DH.


CLove's picture

She activates her mother, and its pissing me off today.

Harry's picture

Trying to control you.  She wants a key. So she is starting trouble.  Why is she coming over in the morning.  Why is not DH home to take care of her?  

CLove's picture

Shes dropped off, and Husband takes her to school, its on the way to his work.

Yep, I totally think its a game to get a key. And Husband knows Im a big "nope", and hes a "nope". Ive heard her say many many times "I know how to make my mother do things"...

Ispofacto's picture



stepmomnorth's picture

I would be inclined to give her a "how to open the door lesson" in an embarrassing way, lol. 

CLove's picture

Yeah. Its too cold by the time I get home, but I just might anyway.

Stepdrama2020's picture

That is the question LOL


Until she shows respect for both of you, until she stops involving mumsey, no key. So in other words backstabber will never get a dang key. LOL

OR she washes pots and pans for a month straight and then you will revisit the key situation. AGAIN the result would be no key Wink

Dang it Clove I hope your weekend goes smooth.

CLove's picture

Because she has a makeup day Saturday for an unexcused absence. There is no peace until 18. Not that she will be independent, but that we dont have to worry about going to court.

Evil4's picture

Well, use the same line as your DH used when it came to your SD washing the large pots and pans.

"She's not ready." 

CLove's picture

I told him "now I understand why you said shes not ready. Not ready for a job or driving...and agree"

AgedOut's picture

the kids can't handle washing dishes, she sure can't handle a key. I was going to suggest a ring type set up, solves issue and gives you security too.mabye a gift to you for Christmas from 'Santa'

missgingersnap2021's picture

SD17 has a key. DH gave it to her when she turned 16. She's responsible but I still hate knowing she can just let herself in here whenever she wants.Our next house is definitly going to have a coded door. I have been droppign coments about it when things happen onthe news so when I insist we get one he will not know its so I can be sure Sd can't let herself in when we arent there (becuase by then she will not be livign withher mother fulltime)

Oh and next time do what you did (unlock it and test it) but then stay near the door out of sight and wait for her to try and get in. I would love to do that if I were you! As shes walking away open the door and say "It wasn't locked."

Sparkl3s's picture

A key and a security system. If BM uses it to get in let the cops find her. 

Our front door cameras record video and sound anytime I set a specific time or trigger. Such as record anytime anyone opens front during during xyz time or xyz day, record from every camera. 

She will win but she won't win. You can get live feeds on your phone or make any changes. 

Cover1W's picture

OH no, the key issue.  Went through this. SDs needed a key to our house since they would arrive well before us in the afternoons in the olden days before COVID and when they were still at school in our district. YSD was good. OSD would NEVER lock the door behind her when she left - NEVER. DH would never ever give her ramifications for that. We live in a safe area but burglaries still happened!  The ironic thing is is now he hates NOT locking the door. He won't acknowledge his hypocrisy with this.

Also she lost her key a couple times a year. I refused to get any replacements for her after the 2nd loss. Told him, why don't you have HER use HER money to get a new one. Take HER to the hardware store WITH YOU and have HER order a replacement. NOPE. Never happened. He just ended up HIMSELF not locking the door. I was going batsh*t nuts over this. Finally gave up and told him that if anything happens to our belongings then he will be the sole coordinator with the insurance company, the one who replaces all items and the one who pays the premium increase.  It all resolved shortly thereafter by her never speaking to him again.  I didn't get the electronic lock, but would have, if things had continued.

CLove's picture

Thats whats missing.

And then SD15 will use her "sweet little girl voice", like tee hee oops.

Thankfully he called her out on it. At this point I dont want anything to do with her at all this weekend.

agitated's picture

My situation is different but you can achieve the same results. My bios (boys) would lose our housekeys ALL.THE.TIME. Angered us beyond belief. We move into our new home and never had to give them a housekey. We installed the August smart lock. You use your cell phone as the key through an app. We also have a key pad for the garage (they don't have the passcode) just in case. With the August lock mine and DHs phone can unlock/lock the door from anywhere in the world. The kids' phone have to be within close proximity (standing outside for instance). You just go into the app and click "unlock". Maybe look into getting a smart lock.

hereiam's picture

Has SD15 actually asked for a key?

The bottom line is, is there a valid reason for her to have a key? Would she ever be coming over when you or your H aren't there and need to let herself in? Obviously, not so far, key.

CLove's picture

She never overtly asked. I took it to this as a natural progresssion from having these situations happen again.

Plus I think she is angling for it. Why not call dad directly when she has a problem with OUR door? Im thinking it was to say "see I need a key here mom..."

But that could all be in my head and not at all what she was trying to do.

CLove's picture

But at the moment that she was "activating" her mother, she did not understand that.

Therefore wtf.

Noway2b1's picture

Get them, you won't regret it. Don't go cheap(did that and did regret it) Kwikset premis is awesome. You can even set it to unlock or lock at a certain time or even a trigger such as when the living room lamp turns on, unlock front door (that of course requires a smart light as well) , but even on their own they are great. You also get a history of every time it is locked or unlocked. You can also revoke the code or change it as needed, it even comes with a rekey tool for your existing keys. Doorbell cameras are awesome too, I am a bit techy and was able to install ...well everything "smart" in our home. 

caninelover's picture

Assuming there is door from the garage into the house would work too.  

Bratty had a key the summer she stayed here.  I told SO to get it back before she left for college again as she didn't need it while away and I didn't want it to get lost.  After that she was never back long enough to need a key.

I think it depends on the kid and the situation on whether a key is a practical need.  In your case because of TT's history I would say no key.  Either keep doing what your doing or get a keypad lock with a changeable code.  Some you can change the code daily so just text her the code that morning and only leave it active for an hour or so - so no danger of TT using it to get in.

Livingoutloud's picture

Why doesn't she ring the bell like all normal people? Then dad can unlock the door. I'd stop unlocking the door in the morning ahead of time and leave it all to DH to figure out. if you don't have door bell, invest in one

since she didn't actually ask for a key, I'd not preliminary get upset or angry over it. Who cares if she told BM thst door was locked or BM got mad. Let BM and DH deal with it. Enjoy your life in a meanwhile 

stepmomnorth's picture

In a way it's kind of funny that bio mom got so mad and worked up over something so dumb and had to get involved. She has nothing better to do then worry about something so petty, whatever would everyone do without her! Hint.. They would learn how to open a door...