Who would get in trouble?
DH and I went to a wedding out of town last night and SD23 had a couple friends over for pizza and drinks before they went out for the night. I checked in on the cameras to see who was in my house and how they were behaving as I was given barely a moments notice that she was having friends over so I didn't not put things away or lock up my office. I also wanted to be sure that the dog that I am watching was ok. I've seen her be mean to another dog I babysit before, just telling the dog she is ugly and saying mean things. Sd is a piece of work. So insecure that she talks down to a dog. (PS dog was fine and her friends were saying how cute she is, even when she piddled on the floor from excitement)
The friends were fine. A few drinks, ate and took off in an Uber for the night, but while checking in I heard SD tell her friends about the time she did coke off a toilet. I've known for years that SD is on something. I know she takes illegal prescriptions like adderal. She blacks out drinking on a pretty regular basis and recently was violently sexually assaulted while she was passed out and ended up at the hospital(which means DH and I were at the hospital til 4am on a work night.. She got right back on the horse though, out there getting black out drunk. If I were to tell DH about what I have discovered, who would be in trouble?? SD for doing coke or me for spying on the cameras??? When I say in trouble, I mean he would be mad at me, I don't literally get in trouble. SD gets free rent, health insurance, car insurance, and food by living here and DH gives her money when she cries poor. She moved out for 2 years but came back last summr.Nothing but drama. She wants to leave in another year...hope so. She works a lot but spends all her money on clothes, booze, and apparantly drugs too.
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You are better off not saying
You are better off not saying anything. He knows everything she does already based on her history. If your child is getting blacked out at parties with alcohol, chances are they are also indulging in other things like drugs ( a fast life). He probably doesnt care and will be super angry at you for impeding on her privacy and she is young she probably meant "drinking a coke in the toilet" or some ludicrous invention designed to defend her and get him to remain oblivious
Looks like your SD will be living with you forever unless she gets to a rehab/jail/psych ward
Let that camel sleep if you dont want to be knocked off your saddle
You know my husband well. He
You know my husband well. He makes excuses so he doesn't have to parent. This has been going on since she was 16. She came home with a vape and started showing it off in front of him. I didn't live with him at the time. I told him she is screaming for his attention and he did nothing. Just said oh where'd ya get that? She responded with her friend's dad gave it to her...I'd have had words with the grown ass man that gave a 16 year old a vape but he did nothing. He's the cool guy. Wants everyone to like him
My husband is the same way.
My husband is the same way. SS then 16yo showed up with a vape and was allowed to vape around the house as if he pays bills....Not even stepping outside to vape
Later on he started indulging in weed and pills. Now he is 21yo and spends his time living at his maternal crackhead uncle and sleeping all day, then asking his dad to cashapp some gas money to drive around and buy some weed
My husband says he is a grown man so he can do wtv he wants. I tried to explain the vaping in my home was disrespectful back then but he retorted that i also do disrespectful things in my home such as leaving the backdoor open accidentally or having arguments with him so I should not speak on his 16yo lol because we are the same right
Its stupid. Eventually she will end up in jail just like my SS21 and now completely estranged from his dad after my husband refused to indulge him in his criminal behavior
I don't want her to end up in
I don't want her to end up in jail or worse. If something happened to her it would destroy my husband and the family
That POS would bring every penny from every paycheck and give it
to daddy if she wanted to live in my home if I were you. She would get a very limited allowance from her income and the money would be used to get her TF out pronto.
As long as she was in my home, she would pee in a cup and take a breathalizer daily and get a weekly hair test. One positive test and she would be living under the local highway overpass.
meh
He takes money each check
He takes money each check today her car payment and student loan just to make sure it gets paid. She pays her own phone cuz God forbid she doesn't have the latest iPhone. Those are her only 3 bills that I know of. Everything else is paid by dh
And here in lies the problem.
Everything else is paid by dh
Time to for her to own her own choices rather than daddy cushioning that painful learning opportunity.
Why are the cameras there, if
Why are the cameras there, if you would get in trouble for looking at what was going on?
I got the cameras to protect
I got the cameras to protect myself from lies. Anytime I have caught anything on camera DH turns it on me and said I shouldn't be watching so he wouldn't have to deal with it. Parenting is not his strong point.
The cameras caused a lot of drama and hurt feelings because they felt untrusted...hmm wonder why. Sd20 and I hashed some things out last year. It got nasty for a minute but we also worked some shit out. As a result the cameras got shut off because we kind of started over. We have not had a fight in almost a year except one thing that was my fault...I did something that hurt her and instead of having a horrible fight as in the past she confronted us with can I talk to you guys about something. Anyway things were good with all 3 SKs that were here sd20, ss16 and ss14. No cameras, no lies...about me. They still lie tobstay out of troubleor get what they want, but that's on DH not me. Then sd23 moved back. Let the drama and lies begin. I did everything i could to welcome her home with open arms because she came back with her tail between her legs. We built her a private suite in the basement. I bought all kinds of things to make it comfy. Asked her what she needed what we could do etc. I tried. She turned on me anyways.
I found a way to turn on the camera without the blue indicator light so no one knows its on. If i talk to dh about it, I'm busted. I know it's invasive but we only have the one in the kitchen now and I need to protect myself now that the crazy is back.
Does that answer your question??? I have no support if it requires my husband to be a real parent.
Ah, I get it, now. Probably
Ah, I get it, now. Probably best to keep quiet, then. At least, for now.
Im disengaged
Except if it affects me. Thats the deal. Cocaine and partying to blackout affects you. If he blasts you to deflect then there are serious issues and you have the choice to stay and ignore, stay and get blasted or leave. I say keep vigilant and watchful. Dont say anything and wait for an oportunity to address it with her, if you see something. What will she do - risk exposing herself to daddio? She will want to keep things like that quiet and that way you might have some leverage. Daddio needs to stop floating his spawn.
DH bought osd Everclear
Dh bought a jug of Everclear for osd 21, for Christmas. He knows she has drug problems and drinks too much. I asked him why he would do that, and he said "She is my daughter, so like me, she has to learn everything the hard way. After an Everclear hangover, she will never want to drink again."
Hmmm..... Ok. Not something I would ever do, but his family is insane. Wow.
Not exactly the best
Not exactly the best parenting strategy, but to each his own