Update on no one told me to run
Thank you for the encouraging words on yesterdays post about crying in my room on a Friday night. We are ok today but Im still feeling distant. Im trying to disengage from the skids and he keeps pulling me back in until I do or say something he doesnt like.
Last night he was upset that I called his 12 yr old a sexual predator...I didn't! What I said was his SS12 could very easily end up on a sex offender list. He has been known to be very impulsive(autistic quality) as well as he was a porn freak at 11 especially anime porn. Some of the things I found were unbelievable. He was speaking with grown men on chat lines who were posing as kids. Because SS12 has a lot of autistic qualities he was clueless and these grown men were his "friends" and it's all he had as far as friends since kids with autistic qualities dont often have friends at school. We had to take away his computer and internet privileges. It wasnt easy. It was his only social life but for his protection it had to be done. Of course it didnt last because skid consequences never last very long.
DH & I were having a conversation about following through last night and when the porn came up i brought up as he gets older he could get in trouble with the law and be branded for life with the sexual predators. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say but with SS12s past and impulsiveness I feel he could make a mistake that could ruin his life.
Disengagement is my only choice. I cant care more than the parents...he also went off when I said that. He says he cares. He is so clueless how to parent. He only cares about getting through the day.
For now Im staying but in my back pocket I have a lawyer and and some money stashed with my dad. I always have a place to stay with my parents too. My parents love DH but they understand why Im hiding money to protect it from the skids.
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Comments
It's good that you have a
It's good that you have a Plan B in place. Keep socking away your money, and stay disengaged.
I work part time and half
I work part time and half goes to expenses and half to my plan B account. I figure if we stay married that plan B account will help with retirement
My BF has 2 kids he refuses
My BF has 2 kids he refuses to parent and I'm learning and also trying to deal with the fact that I can't care more than the parents. It sucks because both bio parents refuse to discipline, hand out consequences and teach the kids how to behave properly. I have to remind myself about the fact that BF has parents who didn't really parent him so that's one reason why he doesn't parent his kids. Number 1 reason: he just wants to be the favorite parent. I feel so sorry for these kids. I'm just glad I won't have to claim any responsibility for their poor upbringing when they grow up and realize their parents failed them.
I've also decided to stay... For now.
My dad says the same thing
My dad says the same thing about these divorced parents. Everyone wants ti be the favorite. Well I was the mean parent and the favorite
Same situation here
In the early years, Chef and Girhippo were competing to see whose place would be the centre of 24/7 entertainment and house with least amount of rules (read:none). Then the Gir would encourage skids to spy, demand expensive toys, eating out and to act up during entitlement training sessions (err I mean "visitation") EVERY FRIGGIN weekend! as a successful parent myself and a single one at that who DIDN'T parent by guilt, I warned Chef he was doing a disservice as well as setting up a dangerous precedent for the skids and the Gir. An open invitation for them to disrespect him.
Did he listen? Nope. Was he pissed when I slowly and quietly dissengaged from the trainwreck? Yep.
Did everything I say come to fruition? You bet your boots.
When he had to deal with the monsters he created on his own, he became exhausted. He too was not parented as a child; a child of parents in their late forties and fifties, two marriages each with multiple half siblings. Being the baby of the families, his parents were too exhausted to parent a high spirited young boy and basically let Chef run ferral. Gir was the spoiled only child, at the time, "miracle baby." The result was the perfect tsunami of poor parenting skills and befriending the three skids.
By the time he started laying down SPECKS of consequences. it was too late. The Gir won the "house of no rules" trophy, fake CPS report ensued where skids were only to happy to collude with mommykins, lying through their teeth. They all PASed out one to two years after the Gir got remarried to StepDaddyBigBucks, aka "paper tiger new daddy and source of revenue" and after the fake CPS report got overturned (by me).
After they PASed out, Chef turned his sites on ME! Blamed ME for the PASout for the next 3 yrs. Miserable times indeed and if I had a lick of sense I would have booted him then or much earlier.
If you can run, do so sooner than later. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, I WOULD wish it on Gir.
Your DH and mine have very
Your DH and mine have very similar parenting role models. DH's half sister has defined him as 'a feral child.' which explains like 90% of things.
Porn and talking to
Men at 12 is OK. You are in for some ride. Hope DH has a lawer fund set up for his kid. Lawyers are expensive and he heading for needing one
I was given advice to run by
I was given advice to run by a mature friend and a therapist but I thought love could conquer all.
While I feel sorry DH is being alienated from his kids, I want to rid BM's influence from my life. I'm relieved my house does not feel like a psych ward anymore with a kid that is supposed to be on antipsychotics. Thinkthrice jokes her SS is a budding school shooter, mine is a budding Richard Chase. I promise DH will not want to be around when he successfully molests his sisters b/c BM will get them to say their dad did it.