protecting myself financially with secret life insurance
A while back I blogged about a student loan that DuH was going to co sign for his irresponsible daugter that with 12% interest was going to cost in the end $100,000+ over 15 years after she finished school. She already borrowed 12 or 13,000 last year and then she would borrow 15,000 for the next 2 years. Turns out after 3 years of college, she is still a freshman so she will have another year than she thought she would so another 15,000, I'm guessing with interest and missed payments etc it will cost her $150,000 if she pays it back. If she could't pay her Victoria Secret card and Old Navy card and Sephora card, how will she make loan payments of $700 or 800ish. That's why DH had to cosign because she ruined her credit with store cards unpaid. She paid them off now, but it's too late, her credit is shitty.
I lost my shit on DH when he agreed to sign for these loans at that ridiculous rate and told him he is allowing her to ruin herself financially because we all know she will not graduate, even her mom said this will last maybe a year before she gets tired of it. He not only agreed to co sign without talking to me, he straight up lied to my face about it for days even when I poked for information he continued to lie until I lost it...I had found the info through spying on his phone and he turned everything around into I am a stalker, not that he is a liar that I gave every opportunity to be honest with me.
He found a better loan because I made him shop around, he says 12% is ok "it is what it is" because these people are so used to bad credit and high rates, I'm not. He found a loan for 8% and he didn't have to co sign but that could be a lie too but I don't have my spying IPod that I use to see his messages because I left home for the better part of the last month staying with my son or my parents. I am going home tomorrow but I'm sure he has deleted most of everthing knowing that I find shit out. Im not sure if I believe him that he is not cosigning but my only way of finding anything out is by spying because he and his family lie for each other from his kids to his mom and his siblings. He and BM have taught their kids to lie. Fortunately for me they are all so stupid they aren't very good at it.
So, I've become quite sneaky over the last couple years. I'm considering getting life insurance on SD21. I told DH that is something happens to her and she dies, he is still responsible for the loans. He got mad because I was talking about one of his kids dying. Anyway, can I get life insurance on her without anyone knowing so if something were to happen to her at least I would have $100,000 to protect myself from DH having to go in to his retirement to pay off her loans or whatever he would have to do. And no I wouldn't give DH the money to pay off the loans, his kid, his problem. Only thing I'm afraid of is that I would wish her dead subconsciously and as many problems as she has caused the last few months, I never want to be that evil even subconsciously.
Can I get life insurance on a 21 year old step kid without her knowledge or DHs? It still is not going to protect us from her defaulting but I really don't see this realtionship going on much longer than a year. He is in counseling for 2 weeks now and actually things have improved but I'm not home much and I don't have access to my lie detector(his iPod with all his texts and emails synced to it). He wants to be a better father, a better husband and a better person. I can't fault him for trying. Really the things he lies about are the skids because he is emabarrassed of them or his parenting so he protects them by lying to me. Problem is we have ZERO trust but that is what he is working on at the counselor.
Have a nice night all!!
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From what I found by googling
From what I found by googling you question you can take a policy out on a person whose death will impact you financially and that person has to be involved in the application process.
The site im reading recommended taking a policy out on an adult child if you cosigned a private loan.....but your DH might need to be the policy holder and you be the beneficiary.
No, you can't get a policy on
No, you can't get a policy on your SD without her knowing. From the sound of it, though, it seems your H is going to end up paying these loans whether your SD dies or not. If she doesn't finish school, will she have any prayer of paying the loans on time? If not, your H will need to pay.
My first thought was Hallmark
My first thought was Hallmark Movie or Dateline story. SM takes out secret life insurance policy. SD mysteriously dies. Police investigate and find out about policy. SM charged. Did she do it or was it......?
I guess I'm going to have to
I guess I'm going to have to talk to DH about it, yet he has not admitted to so signing for anything. Not sure if I believe him since he did lie a couple weeks ago when SD was rejected so she asked BM to cosign, also rejected so then DH was supposed to until I had a fit because it was a terrible loan and then mysteriously found a better loan that she doesn't need a cosigner...HMMMM
Chmmy, why be with a husband who hasn’t considered
How this would financially impact your marriage if sd can’t pay or refuses to pay??
i mean if sd refuses and they come after your husband for it, that’s money out of your household budget, your house being foreclosed on purely because he didn’t think straight!!
i have 2 young kids with hubby and skids have their own govt loans, ss22 hubby pays the shortfall of like $2000 a semester because he hs a great job. Co-signing for a loan for adult skids when he has greater responsibilities for providing for minor kids and i’d be out the door...
i would never accept being put in that situation
I have no minor kids. My kids
I have no minor kids. My kids are grown and not with DH. He has 3 other kids besides SD21, all younger. His kids aren't that bright. I don't see college grads in the future.
It would ruin us to pay another $800/mo loan payment
My problem with this
My problem with this situation would be that it was turning me into a person I didn't like, being sneaky and dishonest myself. I felt that with ExH when I felt forced to read his diary to find out what was going on with him, because he never spoke to me, literally. Your whole situation sounds completely toxic and is not doing any of you any good.
I agree. His lying and poor
I agree. His lying and poor financial decisions would be deal breakers for me - and feeling like I had to snoop and spy would be awful.
This guy isn't going to offer you any kind of secure financial future with 4 kids that he can't resist enabling.
You're definitely right. I
You're definitely right. I don't like being sneaky and a snoop. Years ago I would have never snooped. I thought we had an honest trustful relationship. Then I started finding out the lies. He tells me what I want to hear. He tells everyone what they want to hear and then it blows up when he cant keep all of his promises.
I'm getting my own room and he is buying me furniture including a bed. I'm saving money at my part time job. Once things get better with Covid, I should be able to get a full time job with benefits and buy a small home and I'll have some furniture as I don't want the furniture from this house that the discusting skids lay all over. I'm very sad about my irreplacable vintage couch that everyone hated when I brought in the house but they lay all over it. It is a living room couch, not a family room couch but they have their asses all over it.
I'm hoping one more year. For now, I have a room/office and DH is building a deck for me that the skids will have no access to. I'm going to enjoy life and work on writing my novel. I hope someday my STalker friends can read it. If I don't publish, I will provide access to it as I'd like people who 'get it' to read it
Good for you. I don't think
Good for you. I don't think this situation can change enough to bring you peace and happiness.
No, it won't. Everytime he
No, it won't. Everytime he says things will change and he will change, I get disappointed. He understands why I've given up as he knows he has disappointed me. Even though counseling for him has made a small differnece, He knows I wont get my hopes up. He said he will continue to try but I really think it is too late. I don't think I have feelings for him in that way anymore.
Sure, he could, possibly,
Sure, he could, possibly, maybe be responsible for these loans upon her death, but many things must align for that to happen. Federal and even most private student loans are forgiven upon the recipient's death. If she consolidates without removing him as a cosigner (which I guess is possible, but it wasn't through my lender) he could possibly maybe still be on the hook.
I had the best credit a college kid could ever hope for and some of my interest rates were 11 percent...and this was almost 20 years ago. I don't think you understand how predatory student loans really are and that these "crazy rates" are par for the course.
You can't take out insurance on a non-related adult without their knowledge. And it seems a little extreme for a problem that could possibly maybe happen in three or four years when she actually graduates or leaves school when she possibly maybe dies and just happened to borrow from the most predatory lender in the country.
Are you also in counseling? I know all to well how "crazy" steplife can make you feel and I think it could help you here ...
Interesting article on
Interesting article on student loans that covers both the death of the student and the death of the co-signer.
https://studentloanhero.com/featured/what-happens-to-student-loans-when-...
Unless SD got a federal loan
Unless SD got a federal loan (they don't require a co-signer), I'd be stunned if she was able to get a student loan without a co-signer. Rather than snooping, ask DH to pull his credit report. You can be a little sneaky and tell him there's been a lot of identity theft during Covid (people applying for unemployment using the info of others, etc.) and it would be prudent for both of you to check your credit. Two birds with one stone - it IS prudent to check your credit report periodically. If he co-signed for SD, it'll be there. It'll be on his credit report just as it's on hers, because he is just as liable as she is. You'll have your answer, and he'll be busted.
My stepdad cosigned all my
My stepdad cosigned all my non-government loans when I went to school. Yes huge risk on his part but I was not like your SD. I had no credit cards and I was not allowed to get any until I was out of college otherwise him and my mom said they would stop helping me pay car insurance and my cell bill while in school. Yes they were generous and no I never took advantage.
They did the smart thing from the beginning and got a life insurance policy one me. I had to sign paper and everything so I do not think you can do this with out anyone know as I am pretty sure she has to sign and make DH the beneficiary like I had to.
I am still paying on my loans but I refinanced a few years ago and got everything in my name. I would insist on the life insurance policy and honestly I would start saving for that rainy day she does not pay them. They will come after your DH. I would make sure you keep your money seperate and set yourself up so as not to get screwed over. I am a nice person and willing to help but when it comes to money and finances I see it black and white. I love my DH to death I really do and we agree on everything financially. He know I have it set up so we are both secure if anything happned to one another and we still have seperate account for our personal use and a mutual for house hold and kid related things.
Be smart and do what is best for you.
Your dh is enabling her he's
Your dh is enabling her he's not helping her one iota. She's not going to grow up and be self-efficient if he keeps paying to get her over the hump. Parents get suckered in helping their kids out time and time again regardless of marital status or family status.
Are the loans per year or is dh stuck in a 4-year loan plan?