At one time, not too long ago, I hated my youngest SS. I've come to the conclusion that he was only trying to do what he wanted whenever he wanted because his parents allowed it. Both his parents were, and still are, so angry at each other that neither of them care if they damage their children as long as they get back at each other.
Those of you who know my story know I had a 19 year old who wanted to sleep all day, make messes, and play video games all while having his hand out for money.
My rule was he had to work full time and clean up after himself, no rent was charged, and start looking for where he wanted to go OR
go to school (full or part-time) and work part time to pay his own bills (cell, car insurance) and pick up after himself.
I don't feel either option was that hard. He felt that because he was a Child of Divorce (even though he was an adult) and his mother gave in to everything, running behind him picking up and paying all his bills, that it was his job to just be here and play games, watch tv whatever. When his mom kicked him out when she finally got tired of it, he ran here and wanted it to continue his behavior, I was pissed he was treating me like a maid and ATM and basically took over my house, things didn't change until I made my Husband accountable for his adult kids behavior, SS moved out and is on his own, he tried a couple of times to collect from us but SS recently talked to Older SS and he realizes that he screwed up royally with me. Older SS recently went back to school. Younger SS always said he wanted to go to college, he could have went if he would have followed basic rules and we would have helped him as long as he was respectful and legitly tried to pay for his own cell and car insurance and didn't demand money for stupid things. Now younger SS can afford to go back to school he doesn't have the time, while it was nice for older ss to relay this to me and I see younger SS is getting it I'd feel better if younger SS would have admitted it well before we kicked him out so he could have went to college. Older SS told me both of them see that I was only looking out for them even though when they were younger they just thought I was being mean because both mom and dad let them do whatever. What they thought was cool (no rules) back then they now see that I had a reason and I cared enough to try to enforce rules.

I'm long winded today, through all of this I called my youngest SS names here and a few PG rated ones to him when he called me vulgar names when he was moving out and didn't get his way, I know I shouldn't have but I did.
Calling him names here was an outlet for me, a stress relief, did it mean I said them to him NO, did it mean I hated him, YES and NO. Since I've had time to calm down and reflect over the situation I have to say even when I though I hated SS I really only hated his behavior and he only behaved the way he was allowed to by his parents. Unfortunetly Step parents are expected to cook, clean and care for skids without the benefit of being able to actually make them behave or amount to something. I've really learned that there are a lot of bios out there that would rather get even with their X than to parent their children, They will say whatever to get their children to hate their other parent, they will allow the child to behave bad because they don't want to be the bad parent aka they want to disney parent and/or they want the other parent to look bad in the childs eye. Being a step parent is a hard job and is nearly impossible when you have guilty parenting or worse parents sabotoging other parents. If I had it to do all over again I would not have done it. But I think even though some of these kids are brats we loose sight that they are actually victims and they are going to have a horrible time going into adulthood because their parents never parented them.

And finally I saw a post earlier about name calling, my thought is it isn't necessarily bad we've all done it as an outlet or most of us have. Doing so online anon. is often a safe way to just release some frustration. One thing I'd advise though is we aren't always as anonymous as we think we are, so you may want to take that in consideration before you go off the wall can say something that can bite you in the future if your BM or other person knows you are here and can prove it's you. I'm less concerned about nicknames and or name calling on this site and I'm more concerned about the few, very few, times I've read that a child (skid or bio) is being physically, sexually, or emotionally abused and I wish people wouldn't jump on the bandwagon to defend the attacker but I've seen it happen. I also get concerned for women who stay in abusive relationships, NO one deserves to be hit or abused.

Well I've babbled enough and went on and on, I just wanted to post recent thoughts.